A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I really like this guy, we work together and know each other for about two years. All we are right now is friends. About six months ago we started to have sex and he doesn't want anyone to know because its no ones business. Well we still do and we text each other everyday and night. He asks me every now and then if he could borrow some money and I would let him borrow it. He always text or call me if for some reason I call in to work to check on me. He has told me before that he wasn't looking for a girlfriend right now and that he likes it as us friends right now. I just really wish I knew if he really likes me or if I'm just being used. He is really good to me and sweet.
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female
reader, Jayeanna +, writes (5 February 2013):
If a man keeps you a secret you better believe he has a significant other. He's using you. Absolutely.
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (27 January 2013):
 I agree with most of the other posters here. This certainly sounds suspicious.
You are lending him money (has he paid any of it back?) and you are providing him sex. He is doing the easy part by texting you, which is about as a minimalist / easiest form of communication ever invented (in my opinion).
He has been pretty matter of fact from the get go: he said he doesn't want a girlfriend. It sounds like you want a committed boyfriend. The question is: do you have a boyfriend?
From your post, it certainly doesn't sound like it. Does he take you out on dates? Do you do other things besides have sex? Is there any bond outside of sexual chemistry that is holding you together? Do you talk about the future? Is he a man you'd be proud to introduce to your friends and family? These are all questions that YOU need to answer.
By answering them, even to yourself, it will make it abundantly clear whether you have what you are looking for or if you've been living in a fantasy land.
Eddie
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A
female
reader, Staceily +, writes (27 January 2013):
 I'm sure he 'likes' you in some form, but not in a romantic way at all. He is using you and getting a great deal. Not just free sex, but sex AND money. Please wake up and cut him off. He keeps you as a secret and refuses a relationship yet is still happy to have sex with you and take your money... He's going to get away with whatever you let him. And you will get really hurt if you keep it up with this guy, he won't ever want a real relationship with you. If anyone was ever getting used it's you. I'm sorry and I hope you drop him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2013): Im afraid to say that it seems like your being used because he's sleeping with you and borrowing money off of you with out any commitment from him. You need to imagine that it is a friend that is in your situation and think about what you would think and tell them to do.
Hope this helps.
.
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A
female
reader, misLadYd..  +, writes (27 January 2013):
 First of all you sit down with him and ask him point blank where you guys are headed. Then decide what to do with whatever answer he will give you. And ask yourself what you want too.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2013): He is using you, he doesn't really like you and as soon as he finds someone he wants to be in a relationship with he will not bother with you anymore, or he will lie and string you along so he cantinue getting money from you. Do yourself a favour and stop having sex with him, and stop lending him money, your worth so much more than that sweetie. Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (27 January 2013):
 Hi
Next time he wants sex tell him no thanks I have had enough of being used.Next time he asks for money tell him to go ask some other idiot because your not lending another penny.
How dare he make you his little secret, just stop the whole thing and find a man who is proud to be seen with you,who wants a relationship with you. Thats how it should be.
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A
female
reader, Patches242 +, writes (27 January 2013):
 Well, despite the fact that u are just sex buddies, sounds like he was completely honest and upfront about his intensions. If you hoped for or now want more you can broach the subject, but be ready for it to end if he is adamant about not wanting to change the circumstances. So, he may be using you, but you agreed under his terms...then, is he really using you --we're you using him? If you tell him you want more but remain in the "agreement" if he says "no thanks" that would be a little pathetic. There's nothing wrong with these types of agreements but more often than not someone gets let down :( good luck!
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (27 January 2013):
 If there was ever a no-brainer, this is the one!
Wake up and smell the coffee OP!! This guy uses you for sex but you are just a dirty little secret that he doesnt want anyone to know about. And now you're borrows money from you because he knows that you're an easy target.
He's JUST using you and you are allowing yourself to get used. Put an end to this right now. Stop lending him money and refuse to be an FWB with him. He's getting it all and what are you left with?
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