A
male
age
,
*amuraiRick
writes:Help! I’m in a little trouble here with my wife and politics. I’m a republican and conservative and I plan on voting for a republican candidate in the primaries and eventually the November vote. My wife is a strong supporter of a certain candidate on the democrat side, and she does a lot of functions with them, always at the polls and doing the protest thing. I have never discouraged her from these activities, but I don’t agree with her politics. I didn’t marry her for her political opinions.She on the other hand is always nagging me knowing I don’t support democrats. She more than a few times declined sex with me over some stupid thing like disagreeing over global warming! I am constantly trying to make peace with her and its always about politics. I do not flaunt my opinions to her, but she is always confronting me with new, as I consider, dumb issues (I don’t say they are dumb to her face). This year it has just gotten worse. She is supporting her ONE candidate and she is pestering me. She can’t understand that I can vote for one candidate on the republicans, he not win, and I can still support another republican in November. She thinks I am throwing away my vote! If so and so doesn’t win as she says, how can you vote for this other republican….What am I to say? That’s how the system works, right? I can never get into a rational conversation with her on issues, because she is all about being against my party, especially the President. I don’t have time for this…I just say yeah ok…and move on. Now she wants to threaten me and says she will divorce me if I vote republican! What am I supposed to do…vote democrat be at peace with her? She is going to the polls with me and we have to declare our party before we vote so she will surely know who I am voting for, so it is no secret. I love my wife, but she is putting me on the spot here! How do I resolve this? How can I talk to her?
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male
reader, SamuraiRick +, writes (22 January 2008):
SamuraiRick is verified as being by the original poster of the question I had to add a little response to the statement "Very few women understand politics" Wow...!! This is not the forum to discuss politics, and as i said earlier I just didnt want to go there. But I can't agree with that line. I happen to know a lot of women who vote republican. :D
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2008): Hi Rick
This is kinda funny , as I though you and P-man judging by the responce to other post do think woman & politics dont match!lol, but think about this your ex and you do have something in common you are both into politics and both think your right lol. Whereas my other half didn't want to give an opinion (agh) so I would just have to tlk to myself about it. My father watch news everynight read papers everyday asked out opinion on things (3 daughters 1 son) I was always the one the most to say lol. So any guy that thinks woman are not into that is kidding himself, I am not saying all woman, and I can understand were your wife is comming from.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2008): Hi Hunny,
Love sees all and should see all..Perfect words for a better understanding. Belief in the meaning of life and love hunny and so very true nothing should come between you, good way of understanding others rick big pat on the back and good luck for your future with love and prayers mandy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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male
reader, SamuraiRick +, writes (19 January 2008):
SamuraiRick is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, thank you, and thank you for all your responses. I am overwhelmed. Well to those of you who know me you are probably wondering what gives…aren’t you already divorcing her? Well the truth is I AM divorcing her (official next month)…and the issues go deeper than the political differences I posed here.
So the question was a WHAT IF question, and fictional. But it was based on two truths. The actual truth that here in Michigan where I live you had to declare your party vote right there at the polls and I thought that by it self is uncomfortable and just wrong. So I thought what if my wife (or anybody for that matter), whom I’ve had some differences with were standing behind me when I declared I was voting Republican? The question was also based on the actual fact that my soon to be ex had a history of crossing swords with me on politics….and it was an excuse for denying sex on a few occasions! (The part about her divorcing me if I voted republican I threw in to sweeten it…lol)
I thought it would be intriguing to ask a question about how politics can affect a relationship, the kind of question you don’t see much of on this site. People’s eyes do glaze over when the subject of politics comes up, true enough. I hope it didn’t go over too many people’s heads...that’s why I made no mention of any candidates…that’s not what’s important about the question. I did not want to open up a Pandora’s Box.
The root of the question is how can two people get along and be partners in marriage when they can’t agree on something as deeply meaningful as global warming or abortion. Rare are those couples that actually are on total opposites in politics and live happily ever after. But I do know they are out there. (Arnold and Maria, good example)
My take on it is this:
Politics should never come between you and your significant other. But still when you choose that significant other….choose wisely. Because it sometimes does get in the way. When I choose my next wife I would hope that she’s the kind of woman that doesn’t get caught up in political disagreement. I for one have always had strong political beliefs, and they have changed throughout the years…but have also had the ability to agree to disagree with others who don’t see eye to eye with me, even if I think they are totally wrong. So for my part I can get along with a woman from the other side….as long as she doesn’t try to rock my boat...or vote. But in my old age wisdom I know that a neutral gal or someone who drinks the same political wine I do is probably better for me. It is by no means the most important factor for me …its actually pretty minor, but it is there.
What I do feel is most important is not so much shared politics but shared VALUES, which often intersects with politics. Values meaning belief in God... belief in the most basic issues...even if you don’t agree on the solutions. Belief in the basic meaning of Life itself. When you share that same vision and love each other deeply, nothing should come between you. Not who you vote for, not global warming, the war on terror or anything or anything that drives political fervor.
The sages say Love is blind or should be blind. I say the opposite. Love sees all and should see all. Love encompasses all and takes all in. And it’s because love SEES all that people fall in and out of love. When one partner cheats, it is difficult for the other partner to forgive and forget…because love sees all. When one partner drinks and becomes an alcoholic….the other should NOT be blind to it. When one partner is abusive to the other….the other should never just take it. And following that same train of thought, when one partner follows the wrong path with a wrong political view…how can the other stand by without saying a word? So love sees all, or should see all, as I see it, sometimes even in politics.
So if I, as an agony aunt, ever say “Love is blind” feel free to go up and slap me!
Again thanks to all the thoughtful responses to my sort of “What if?” question. I would love some more feed back on the question, and what I just wrote. Email me if you will and I will tell you who I did vote for.
Peace Out!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2008): "Very few women understand politics"?!??!??!??!?
Okay, maybe I am reading this completely wrong, and if I am - I'm sorry. Please forgive my little rant. But to say women know nothing about politics is just about the stupidest generalization I have ever heard. I'm a woman and I like to keep up with what's happening - I know a lot of women who also are immersed in political knowledge. To say that very few "understand" is demeaning and disgusting. What a load of crap!!
Regarding your issue, I think that politics can be a pretty hot issue between folks from opposing sides, and it must be even worse to have it within your own marriage! I don't think you should get a divorce, and I don't think that to bury the issue and ignore it is the solution either.
I do think that both of you need to calm down a little and perhaps avoid talking about politics all the time and when you do, make sure both of you are listening to each other and biting your own tongues. It is so easy to argue about these things, it's so easy to start yelling, and so easy to disagree. It sounds like SHE is the one who needs to address this issue - she seems a little hot-tempered when it comes to these discussions!
Perhaps a little counseling or guidance regarding how you two communicate would be good. It would just be a shame to see an entire marriage (theoretically) based in love, be torn apart due to political differences.
Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2008): Hi
Truthfull answer, she wonders how you 2 are compatable when you don't seem on the same side. I am a bit like this I am female my other half and I agreed on nothing (were not together anymore lol) Some woman do get pasionate about thing maybe not politics but if you have kids then maybe she thinks you should both want the same things values, upbringing ect ect. As Phill says just agree to disagree as with me he always says he didn't have an oponion and that was worse! felt I didn't know him at all but hey thats woman for you
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2008): Hi Hunny,
Like TELLULAH I dont vote for anyone as I just feel the same as she does, And as phil says politics and religion well they only lead to so many arguments so I keep away from this kind of chit chat, I have my own beliefs and its mine I dont expect anyone to go my way everyone is an indervidual so therefore should be allowed there own thoughts. Not bullied into beliving the others veiw just to keep them happy, as phil said tell her you dont wish to discuss these issues with her as it so obviously causes so many problems and put it to her that you didnt marry her for her political veiws but for love, just as anon e mouse has said. I wish you luck in this as it must be so very hard for you TAKE CARE WITH LOVE MANDY xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2008): She has become very impassioned and inflamed. This can be good but it has gone so far that she is becoming prejudiced. She is fighting for democracy wouldn't you say? Well what possible chance is there that this could be true while she is being so disrespectful of your right to vote freely. The world is not black and white but it is immoral to force one's opinion on another and not respect that people think differently. This is what we accuse other races of, she is falling into the same trap. I think you are going to have to tell her that you refuse to discuss politics. Or find a cause that you both believe in that is mutual; anti pornography, child abuse etc. Or why not discuss books, films or music instead? She is bullying you and probably can't see that. You may have to tell her to divorce you if she thinks she has the right to claim your mind for her own. It is completely unacceptable.
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female
reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (18 January 2008):
 I cant understand why you are arguing, over a lot of people with different policies that are all basically out for themselves anyway. I have only voted once in my life, and at 47 thats a lot of years i didnt bother. I know that the argument is that I should vote, because Women died to get that for the likes of me.
But my argument is, that I honestly dont know who to vote for. They all seem just as bad to me. Even if they start out with good intentions. They end up looking out for number one.
Would I argue with my partner over who he supports. No way I would'nt waste my time.
She sounds a bit de-ranged to me.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (18 January 2008):
 It sounds like her issues might be getting out of control or perhaps there is something else going on in her mind. If it is as you say, she's really going too far and it doesn't sound rational. Are you sure you're not baiting her into discussions?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2008): Hi Rick. This can't be easy for you and is one of the reasons I don't get into discussions about religion or politics in the pub. There's always someone with a strong opposing view to your own and it could easily escalate into violence!
She tells you you're going to waste your vote - so tell her you think she's going to waste hers!
What I can't understand is why you have to declare your party before voting - seems a little undemocratic to me. In the UK any vote is strictly between the voter and the ballot box. There may be canvassers and candidates outside the polling station to ask if they can rely on your support, or upon leaving, which way you voted (the exit poll) but you don't have to tell them a thing.
It bothers me that she's turning off the tap as far as sex is concerned but apart from that, if everything else in the garden is rosy you'll hopefully be rid of this disagreement by December. If it isn't you might like to call her bluff about the divorce, get a lawyers letter sent to her and advertise in the lonely hearts columns for a republican sypathiser. Otherwise, I guess you'll be going through the same problem in 4 years time!
But seriously, at the end of the day she's got her politics and you've got yours and ne'er the twain shall meet. You'll just have to agree to disagree and also if possible agree not to discuss politics in the home lest it should escalate into a mini war.
Good luck mate - sounds like you need it!
Phil
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (18 January 2008):
 I think you need to chat and whilst you are a couple, this doesn't mean you should become one. Couples should be more like two individuals with your own identities, interests, hobbies, views who overlap in some areas.
I don't see how a difference in political views can be such a major problem. If she's going to divorce you for not voting for the candidate she wants to vote for, then that's ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS - unless of course your names Bill Clinton in which case I suggest you vote for your wife :)
I think you need to tell her you didn't marry her for her political views. You married her because you love her and even like the fact she has different views on things. Say something like, "I understand you'd rather vote for XXXX but I don't really agree with their views. I'd rather vote for XXXX because I believe XXXX. I don't see differences between our views and ideas as a bad thing... Things would be fairly boring if everything about us was the same. Let's just agree to disagree?
Do you really think she would divorce you for using your right to vote for whomever you wish? Sounds very controlling to me and I certainly wouldn't be happy in this kind of relationship... If I had a girlfriend/wife I really wouldn't care about who she votes for... She can vote for whoever she wants, whatever party she wants, or chose not to vote at all. Her choice, not mine.
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