A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey... well, I couldn't be in worse shape right now. My "boyfriend" and I are in a very dark place. At first, I would defend him whenever people would talk bad of him. And I would just like to say now that my friends have always said that my boyfriends were cheating on me, but because of how that wasn't true, I stopped believing them. And whenever ANYBODY questioned my "boyfriend's" relationship with me, I would be so quick to defend.Let me just start from the beginning. It goes back a year, but I will try to keep it short and to the point:Alright, the day we met was the happiest day of my life. He was the sweetest guy I ever met. Because I was actually getting over a very harsh breakup, (strange enough, that ex cheated too) and he would always kiss my forehead. Our first kiss had me floating for weeks. But, things started to take a turn for the worst after about 3 months. He kind of gave me no other choice than to go on birth control, but the birth control turned me into a hormonal monster. I changed 100%, my looks changed to the point where I stopped caring about my appearance, I would stop wearing makeup, and straightening my hair. I changed my style from my normal edgy, to a washed out hipster kind of thing. And my attitude, I snapped at my "boyfriend" for everything. If he spilled a glass of milk, I cursed him out. It was awful.The saddest part is that I let myself do that to him for an extra 3 months, because I didn't know the birth control made me so... angry all the time. I never even knew why I was always so mad at him. Now, sometimes he would do things that would piss me off, for real, not just hormonal rage, but serious things.We first broke up in August, because he went away to this music festival, and before he went, he promised that he'd text and call, but he never did, and he never replied to any of my messages. Before he left, he warned me that there were going to be girls there that he used to have old flings with. So that didn't help. HERE'S where the problems began, when he came back, he started drinking... a lot, and he hasn't stopped since. We broke up because he said that he chose alcohol over me, of course he was also drunk at the time. Then I realized about 2 days later... I love him! So I do everything in my power to get him back, but he doesn't want to get back together. Eventually I go to switch my birth control and ask him to be with me for that. Luckily, I passed out after taking it, if I hadn't, we wouldn't have got back together.So, 2 months go by, and things are fantastic. Until... it was his birthday, and I bought personal gifts for him, all costing over $100. He just out of the blue stopped talking to me. I never gave him his gifts, and I never heard from him. He deleted his Facebook, and when I did hear from him, he told me to leave him alone. Apparently, he was too busy for a relationship. A few weeks go by and I find out I'm pregnant. Then a few weeks later I had a confirmed miscarriage. I tried to tell him, he wouldn't respond. (Of course I wouldn't just shoot a text message saying, "Hey, I had a miscarriage"). I ran into his best friend Becca 3 days later, asked him what was going on with my "boyfriend", and she didn't know. And she gave me her number (which was fake).After 2 months of no contact, I finally found out that his Facebook account was back up. When I went to check him out (stalk him), he was perfectly content in life without me. I miraculously get a hold of him and tell him about my miscarriage, and we set a day to talk face to face. Oh, by the way, he considered us broken up in that time.So, the day finally comes where we're able to talk face to face. It was weird. Because he started hugging me, and under his breath he said, "I missed you." and then he kissed me. One thing led to another and we had sex. IT's not like he forced me, he wasn't sure if we should because I was still in pain. Then, before I left I finally gave him his gifts (3 months late). Then he says, "I love you." and he also said, "I want to date you, but I'm too busy right now. When I'm done school (in March) we can be official again."Now, hear this. Last night, I was with my friend, Anthony, and he asked about me and my "boyfriend" and before I answered, he said, "Wait. I have something to tell you. There's this girl, right? Her name's Melissa, I've been trying to date her, we've been hanging out and stuff. But, basically, she's the biggest whore in town. I saw on Facebook that she posted a status saying that she was at a fast food place and your "boyfriend" commented on it like he was there. Then she put many statuses saying that she was going over to your "boyfriend's" house. Now, I don't know what's going on, but if you want me to ask her, I will. And just so you know, she's super easy. And she said that he makes time for her." Right there, I felt my heart shatter... I will NOT force myself to go on Facebook to see these statuses, but I just don't know what to do. And now, he's IGNORING me again! I texted him 3 times today and no replies! But he met this girl AFTER he and I hung out, so I don't know what to think anymore.Please can someone help me figure this out? What should I do? I want to talk to him face to face, but he's not even responding to me.
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affair, best friend, broke up, drunk, facebook, get back together, got back together, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (4 February 2013):
 Honey if you see him he's using you.
It's time for you to accept that he's a jerk and you can do much better.
do not blame your passive aggressive behavior with him (the changes you describe are not truly attributed to BC but rather your dislike of him forcing you to do things you did not want to do (go on BC) and then the lies and the cheating...
when you talk to him face to face what do you hope to accomplish?
A
female
reader, Pr3tty_in_pink86  +, writes (4 February 2013):
Do not trust a man who makes you go on birth control. One of my exs kept trying to sleep with me without using protection, he ended up cheating. He was as selfish as they come.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (4 February 2013):
 Sorry but this guys is a jerk. You are young, you have no other committments [ie., kids] with this guy, so dump him and move on with your life.
You deserve better.
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A
male
reader, Silius Sodimus  +, writes (4 February 2013):
Get rid of him.
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A
female
reader, ihavetoomanythoughts +, writes (4 February 2013):
 I agree with CindyCares and would say move on. A boyfriend who forces you to do something you don't want to do (take birth control pills which mess up your body and not his) and a boyfriend who can't even make time for you because of his studies (studying doesn't take every hour of every day) is not a boyfriend at all. The fact that he is trying so hard not to be contacted by you means that he doesn't want to get back with you. You should forget about him and if he ever comes crawling back, you should reject him. There are better men out there anyway. Also, sometimes it's good to listen to your friends when they have misgivings about your boyfriend. If you find that you always have to defend him, then it may just be that he's a jerk.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 February 2013):
 Do you really need help to figure this out ? ..
What you should do, is moving on. With or without BC, this is not the love story of the century, this is something that has always wobbled but for the first 3 months. In just one year you broke up twice, he cheated on you several times, he told you to get lost,chose drinking over you, went NC etc. etc.. and now he's found himself another girl to date, or to have fun with. Really, what else would you want to do , other than accepting that between you does not work, that he does not particularly care about you, that he says one thing then does another, and that you owe to yourself to stop clinging and move on to better happier healthier experiences ?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2013): Move on. If he doesnt make time for you then he doesnt care about you. No matter the sex if you like someone you will make time for them. You are on his back burner so if he gets bored or doesnt have anyone else. Do you honestly think you deserve what you are getting out of this "relationship " or do you think you deserve better?! The choice is yours in the end though .
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2013): Ugh!! This is a mess. Sorry to hear this story. Not a pretty sight :(
I'm recovering from a relationship w an alky too. They are such a--holes
Sounds like you need out. It's gonna hurt but it will be better in time. You'll be happier without him. Even though it doesn't seem that way now.
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