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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Him I'm 19 y/o. I have a stupid problem, and feel so down about it :(The problem is that I'm very sensitive to the images in the media. So I feel very down about my body.I'm average I guess. I'm not really thin, but I'm not overweight. It's just I see these women with perfect bodies and hair in movies. With gorgeous faces. And I have nothing. I'm chubby and my body is really really average, and a rather embarrassing thing is that I have very little hair in my scalp... people sometimes notice and make comments. I hate that because I can't have gorgeous, long, thick hair. And I'm a brunette. It looks weird to have little, thin hair! I have to keep it short so it's less noticeable.Plus all these movies, comedies that contain nudity. For instance Beerfest, Eurotrip, movies like that, I hear the guys saying that those girls are so hot all the time. You know, when they have nudity. They all drool over them. Or porn babes. Maxim girls. Etc... but then I hear men telling women that it's the inside that matters and that big breasts don't matter, that implants are gross, etc., but then they can't quit staring or commenting how the girls in those movies are hot.I have a boyfriend, and he loves me and thinks I'm attractive, although sometimes he says I'd look better if I worked out. But he says I'm the hottest thing on Earth anyway. He says he prefers natural beauty, but I guess he just says that out of respect. He's very respectful in that sense, as he never comments on any nude girl, nor stares in my presence. I know he has a right to look, that every guy has a right to look, and I feel very lucky to have such a respectful guy by my side. I just want to stop feeling so insecure about myself, for him. I don't want to feel anxious when we're watching one of those movies and a perfect nude girl appears, and I start thinking to myself "I wonder if he wishes I looked like her, or Is he geting aroused?"... sometimes he can tell I'm jealous, even though I say nothing, and it's embarrassing!!!!How can I make myself not care about my self image anymore? How can I become desensitized tho these images and not care? As stupid as it may sound, all this emphasis on beauty and physical perfection really hurts! I know it's important to be smart and kind, and I am, but it seems that beauty is still more important, as it is the only thing that sells! Does intelligence sell? NO! Unless, of course, the smart person is a babe or a hunk... help! :(
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female
reader, nikchik  +, writes (17 June 2008):
Its all about self-esteem, it sounds like your boyfriend loves you how you are. everyone has somthing they dont like about themself but sometimes other ppl find wat you dont like attractive. I know wat you mean about the babes its so ridulous how in this world today there is a difference between the "hot babes" and the "not so hot babes". seriously if guys and girls had any sorts of maturity they would all think like us an it wouldnt matter wat anyone "looked like" i never go by wat anyone looks like an i hate ppl who do that. they could be a mans fanstasy of blonde hair blue eyes and big tits but i bet they have no brain or sense of humor. an i feel sorry for the guys who dream about girls like that. cause their only up for heartache and headaches haha.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2008): You are not stupid for feeling the way you do about yourself. In fact, I think that you are very brave for recognizing it and reaching out for advice. At The Beautiful Women Project (www.beautifulwomenproject.org) that beauty is the sum of a woman's life experiences. Take a look at your life and think of the things that you are most proud of about yourself. Everytime you think of something that makes you smile - that is your true beauty coming through. Physicality is such a small part of who we are as women. It is hard to ignore the images, but just remember that they are images - they are not reality and they are selling you things to ENHANCE what you already own - Your Own Beauty. Check out this book: Beautiful Women Celebrating Beauty in Stories and Stills (Bridgeway, 2008). Thirty five women ages three through ninety share their life stories - experiences and challenges that really shine through them. I know that you will find a story (or two!) that you can relate to and some you will just learn from.
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A
female
reader, MissWendlemoot +, writes (8 June 2008):
 It is quite difficult to resist the constant bombardment from the media and society on how the perfect woman is supposed to look.
If you look at the reality of it, most of the time with the media, it is used to sell you something.
What a clever way to get people to buy billions of dollars worth of junk by telling people they are nothing without the latest cosmetic or gadget.
I am immune to it these days because I remind myself of the above and also that the people in magazines are all heavily altered with the magic of phot shop and celebrities constantly diet and have surgeries and lots of help to look perfect.
Appearance and fashion seems to be a competition between women on who can be the thinnest or who has the most expensive latest designer bag even if the bag looks like something a monkey designed.
Fill your life with lots of fun and activities that means living your life and being active in it rather than watching fantasy people live theirs. You will find that you are too busy to care about these non issues.
Best wishes!
xo
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A
male
reader, Passthrough  +, writes (8 June 2008):
 To tell you the truth- Most guys will SAY they want a girl as "hot" as in porn or the movies or mass media; in reality, guys are more turned on by the interaction and chemistry you have (Assuming they arent shallow!), as long as you're able-bodied and fairly fit :-DPersonally, I know what my friends and I enjoy, normal girls. We all say how "hot" those models are, when infact, they'd just make us feel poorer about ourselves (as they do you!) with their physical perfection. Your boyfriend sounds like he loves you for who you are, and you need to take his word for it- Who else do you have to look sexy for? :-D
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (8 June 2008):
 Physical perfection. People have this view of perfection, they do this to sell. Playboy models said in an interview. If they only looked the way the finished product does.
These girls you talk about are fake. I heard a comic say, when it came to some female music star. Women envy her after having children and keeping her figure. He said, with her kind of money, he can afford to pay someone to take the cookie out of her hand.
Your problem falls within how you view yourself. Not how others view you. If we distributed your picture to a whole bunch of guys, and all of them said you were pretty. That wouldn't matter to you as long as you continue telling yourself different. You are the most powerful communicator to you.
Your boyfriend loves you. He's being real with you, but you're not being real with yourself. Remember this is your life. Live it for yourself and not in the image of the misrepresented society view.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, *jessica*  +, writes (8 June 2008):
 i felt so 2, u no but i'm not de nicest girl its true. u hav 2 no dat everyone has flaws an no one is perfect.. it hurts bein called names an wantin 2 look different but god chose 2 make u so an u r perfect in ur own. at last u hav people who care 4 u an love u jus lik ur bf.. he probably tells u dat u r nice cuz its true so doh worry.
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A
male
reader, jay12toes +, writes (8 June 2008):
 first off, whats on the inside is more important, most men dont like wemon who arent nice. which leads me to my secound statement, most of those models and such wouldnt give your boyfriend the time of day. hes with you because you have a good balence of what hes looking for in a girlfriend, the only part of him that wants those girls is in his pants. which thankfully for you and him dose not control his body. your the one he wants, he loves you so you need to start loveing the things about you that he loves. if you still dont feel good about yourself then try working out and eating better. dont change your image through any way thats harmful to you though. but remeber that changeing the way you look is something your doing for yourself, to make you feel better, because your man already loves you and hes not going to love you more just because you look better. he loves you for who you are not what you look like.
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A
male
reader, Dustin587 +, writes (8 June 2008):
 Movies are fantasy. They are not real life. For that reason, you should not compare real life situations to movies. If your boyfriend cares for you and loves you for who you are, that is the only thing that matters. In any case, if you feel a lack of confidence, do something to boost your confidence. For some, they might exercise or something to improve their body image. Some might change their hairstyles. Some might dress differently for a change. However, regardless of what you change, the most important thing is to be happy about yourself.Lastly, looks are merely icing on the cake - they only account for the initial attraction. After that, other things allow the relationship to continue. Don't stress over minor parts of your self that you don't like - EVERYONE has some physical feature they don't like. If someone can't accept you for who you are, they aren't worth your time.
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