A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Would a man who has been abusive to a woman deny his abusive behaviour if the woman finally exposed him to other people and she told them what he has been doing to her and why she left him and then he make up other excuses as to why she left him?And if so why would the abuser do this? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2019): Let me also add that those kind of cowards are afraid of male-members of their victim's family, or male-friends, coming after them! Some get beaten pretty badly! That's not good, because then they also become criminals for taking the law into their own hands!
Men of that kind want no accountability for their lack of control, rage, and cruelty. Some don't even think they've done anything wrong; and actually believe she made him do it!!!
Yes, such a coward would lie through his teeth to protect himself! That should not prevent their victims from filing charges and complaints with the law! Exposing them for what they are!!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2019): Like any other criminal, wife-beaters and men who commit violence against women hide their crimes. They don't want to face the stigma of being that kind of guy. A coward, a brute, human-trash, and a lowlife!!!
They want to blend into society undetected; and avoid any social condemnation for their violence and abuse. They are ashamed for being what they are; but they don't want any flack about it. They will lie, or even threaten their victims to keep his aggressive-behavior and violent-temper secret. They wear suits and ties, medical scrubs, soldier uniforms, and even badges. The only way they are known for their crimes of violence; is through the courage of a victim who brings it to the attention of friends, family, and law-enforcement. They have to be reported and charged!
Exposure could bring-forward other victims; and law-enforcement might take notice, if he has a record of violence and assault. If he is a convicted-criminal; it will count against his record everytime he gets reported! Ultimately, it could bring him a much longer sentence; if he gets himself into trouble with the law. A good judge would take it all into account; and see that he is put away and can't hurt anybody else!
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (11 December 2019):
 An abuser is a coward so such a person would definitely cover their own tracks in an effort to look good. Owning up to ones actions is far from their mind and saving face is all that matters. They're manipulative. Whatever and whomever they can control, they will try to.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (11 December 2019):
 A guy who thinks being abusive is somehow OK, will of course NOT "own" his actions. He would without doubt RATHER paint the woman as crazy, a cheater or whatever will suit HIS narrative.
I can't "help" you understand him overall though, because I don't "get" why ANYONE in this day and age thinks abuse is EVER OK.
All I can say is this, people who are abusive are not RIGHT in the head. And you certainly can't convince them that they are abusive or behave badly.
They ARE however, the kind of people you CUT out of your life with no mercy.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 December 2019):
A guy who thinks being abusive is somehow OK, will of course NOT "own" his actions. He would without doubt RATHER paint the woman as crazy, a cheater or whatever will suit HIS narrative.
I can't "help" you understand him overall though, because I don't "get" why ANYONE in this day and age thinks abuse is EVER OK.
All I can say is this, people who are abusive are not RIGHT in the head. And you certainly can't convince them that they are abusive or behave badly.
They ARE however, the kind of people you CUT out of your life with no mercy.
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A
female
reader, CarrieSoa  +, writes (11 December 2019):
 Abusive men tend you give everyone the best of them. This is why when you expose them, it's hard to be believed because the image that they portray is wholesome. I left an abusive relationship and my ex's family couldn't believe I left someone who was so great and committed.
What they didn't know is that he was mentally abusing me and my daughter. He took away my ability to support myself and I couldn't leave the house without taking my daughter with me as he would accuse me of cheating or being a bad mother. My daughter started to self harm and had suicidal thoughts because I stayed hoping he would change.
Abusive men will never admit the truth because they believe they are not doing anything wrong.
When I left, I left without the need to expose him. It would've been a waste of time. Plus, the fear he has of me exposing the time he sexually assaulted me tends to keep him out of my life. He is Nigerian and wouldn't do anything to hurt me or my child again in fear that I would go to the police. That would affect his citizenship in the UK also.
Draw a line under it and move on.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 December 2019):
 Obviously yes. Nobody likes to be called out on their wrongdoings, and the shittiest,most shameful is the behaviour which is being criticized, the strongest will be the culprit's defensive reaction.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (11 December 2019):
There’s a really simple answer to this one: he denies it because he doesn’t want people to know the truth. If you can’t conceal the truth, what’s the next best option? It’s to discredit whoever is exposing it. If he can convince them that the ex has made it up because the split was actually her fault and she doesn’t want to look bad, or persuade them that she is traumatised from the past and has misrepresented everything, people might believe his denials of wrong-doing. Abusers are by nature manipulative people; that’s how they are able to abuse people in the first place without those victims simply running a mile. Trying to hide their true colours is simply what they do.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (11 December 2019):
 Seriously?
Because the true story doesn't make him look good. Because abusers are often in denial about being responsible for their actions and try to put the blame onto the victim. (If you didn't do X/Y/Z, I wouldn't have to beat you.)
If this is an ex of yours, your friends will believe your story. What anyone else believes is, frankly, irrelevant and unimportant, even though it may be unfair. Hold your head high because YOU know the truth.
If this is someone you are considering dating/have started dating, run for the hills. I'm not saying that you don't occasionally get a vengeful ex who will tell lies about their previous partner(s)' behaviour, but this tends to be rare and doesn't sound like the case here.
If this is what I think (you don't explain so I can only guess), just thank your lucky stars you got away. Draw a line under it and move on. You can't control what he chooses to say, but you can control how you react/refuse to react to it. Just quietly stick to your story if asked and stay away from him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2019): Yes of course he would. An abusive man wants everyone to think well of him.
He has no intention of admitting the truth.
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