A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 18 and just found out I am pregnant... I think I am about 3 or 4 weeks.I was never told that antibiotics would cause my birth control to not work properly, and the condom broke. My fiance and I are both very scared right now.I refuse to get an abortion so we have 2 options, adoption, or keep him/her.I am thinking I want to keep the baby, but my fiance thinks we should go with adoption and he is stressing me out cuz he wants to have a decision made within the next 5 or 6 days so we can plan, but I'm still in shock and I cant just decide on the spot.I know he is there for me, but we both think we should do something different. I am leaning towards wanting to keep the baby, and he is leaning towards adoption... What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI want to thank all of you for your amazing ad supportive advice!!!
I have talked with my fiance and explained to him how I feel pressured, and he apologized and has backed off. I think he is just as scared and in shock as I am, and it made him not think rationally, but we have decided that we need to slow it down and think about every angle of both options.
thankyou so much to everybody for their wonderful advice!!! 3
A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (25 May 2010):
 Do what YOU want. Plan on keeping the baby. You could always change your mind about adoption later in your pregnancy. However, more times then not you will want to give the baby up less and less as your pregnancy gets closer to birth.
Yes, he is your fiance and you two should make decisions together, but you'll be doing the hardest part of carrying the baby. Don't let him force you into doing something you don't want to. He should respect what you want.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (25 May 2010):
 If you are totally sure you don't want to abort it, then you have lots of time, well months anyway, to decide whether you want to put it up for adoption or raise it yourself. Check into the different types of adoption, sometimes you can stay in contact with your baby and watch him/her grow up. Nothing has to be decided in 5 or 6 days.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2010): He's given you a deadline - thats not fair - what if you decide on adoption now and then down the line change your mind, any decision decided now (unless abortion) is not set in stone. I'd say give it a few months to think it over - decide what you want etc. You are still in shock and making a rash decision at this time is not good. Talk to your family and his family etc, get their opinions.
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A
female
reader, straight to the truth  +, writes (25 May 2010):
This kind of decision is not something you can set a deadline of 6 days on!
This decision is something you both need to talk about fully but ultimately it will beyour decision.
If you decide adoption now to keep him happy ad give him that decision within the 6 day deadline he has give how do you think you will feel in 6 months time when your child is kicking in your tummy.
you are the one who has to go through these changes and you are the one who will have the bond with the child before it is even born so this is why the decision is ultimately yours because it is you who it will effect the most if you have to give it up when you dont 100% want to.
if abortion is not an option then the decision does not need to be made right now, you still need to come to terms with it and you have 9 months to decide what you want to do and make sure you dont make a huge mistake.
if you give that baby up and you dont want to then you will regret it for the rest of your life, if you keep the child when you dont want it then you will resent it.
just take your time and take the 9 months to decide as your body will go through a lot of changes in this time you will keep changing your mind.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2010): You need to make the final decision. Ignore your bf and his deadlines, as in the long run, it will be you that will pay the final price.
If you put the child up for adoption you will ALWAYS be wondering where your child is and how they look. If you abort, that WILL scar you for life and it is a drastic step to take.
If you decide to keep the child, know full well this is a decision that is going to affect your career and your life for the next 18 or so years...
Hard choices but YOU must make the final choice.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (25 May 2010):
You must decide for yourself what you want to do. When it comes down to pregnancy and babies, men have no say as to what happens. If you want to keep the baby, then you keep it. He will just have to accept that it's your decision. But don't sit there and do what he wants, because you'll regret it. You must do what you want.
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A
female
reader, Myrrh +, writes (25 May 2010):
 Hello. I understand both of you being in a state of shock at the moment. So its not really the right time to try and make such a life altering decision. I would suggest you both wait awhile and see how you feel in say, a month from now.
Ask your boyfriend to stop pressuring you, you need to weigh everything up and make the right choice. And you cant do that when you are in shock, coping with hormonal changes and pressure!
I tend to feel he may be thinking more about himself than you right now. So you both need to wait until you feel calmer and can make this decision as a couple.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 May 2010):
 Do not let him pressure you. Do not accept deadlines that do not feel right to you. Take all the time you want.
If you give in to your bf's wishes without been deeply convinced that adoption is the right decision, if you say yes just to please your bf and keep him with you- inevitably you'll come to resent him and this will ruin your relationship. You could quite possibly end up with no baby and no bf either.
I am not saying that you should not consider adoption at all. In fact, since you are so young and, I suppose, financially unstable, it might be in the interest of the baby.
But it must be something you decide, not that you just surrender to.
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