A
male
age
41-50,
*lider68
writes:Hello All.Thanks for reading and resonding to my question! :)Here it goes!My girlfriend and I have broken up, and she's 4 months pregnant... with my baby. We were talking about names the other day, and I want to have both last names and she only wants the baby to have her last name, cause she doesn't want the child to have 2 last names, thinking it would be too confusing. I'm against this. DO I have any legal rights here? We get along well together and this is the only thing, we've disagreed on so far. I'm still in love with this girl and want to be with her and the baby, but she has commitment issues.Thanks! :)Teddy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, A Cappella  +, writes (13 May 2008):
 I took my husband's name and hyphenated it when we were married (like your "katie smith-johnson" example. We've been married for 10 years.
I think it will eventually be okay, but so many people get it wrong that it's a pain. When websites first came out I couldn't use the forms because they didn't allow the '-' as a character. So many times I get "katie s. johnson" letters, because people are dumb and don't pay attention to the name. Many databases will just drop the '-' too. And introducing myself with such a long name can be a pain. Sigh.
If your combined names are very short, you may have a shot at it not being such a pain. But unless you think you will get married, I recommend against it.
I think the hypenate will be even worse if you have a son, and a daughter may choose to give up her name when she gets married anyway -- and what happens if she wanted to hyphenate at marriage like I did? Does she become Katie Smith-Johnson-Jones?
Maybe she can have your GF's last name as a middle name (which is done a lot in wealthy families, BTW) and yours as a last name?
BTW, I don't know the law in Canada, but in the US you're not "legally" the father unless you're married to her when she gives birth or she chooses to list you on the birth certificate.
Good luck, whatever you choose!
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (19 March 2008):
 Just to be clear...
are you absolutely certain that this child is yours?
Could the reason she does not want the child to carry your name is because she knows something that she did not tell you about?
Don't commit to ANYTHING until you get DNA proof once the child is born.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
female
reader, bebe010405 +, writes (19 March 2008):
yes actually you do have right but they come after the baby is born and you could make her give you a dna test which would prove your the childs father and then go to court to ensure that you get visitation to the child and request to the judge that your baby be givin your last name trust me i know i have 2 little girls and i'm not married
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A
male
reader, Stroller  +, writes (19 March 2008):
 I've met a few people in the UK who have adopted double-barrel names on remarriage, in order to maintain an identity with their kids, and I wouldn't be surprised if what you suggest is becoming common here, too.
Having said that, I doubt you have any rights AT ALL on this one. Legally, the kid will take her mother's name, and any change to that would (I think) have to be by deed-poll.
Do the best you can to convince your g/f that there's nothing "silly" or confusing about this practice - IMO it would be only logical for a kid to be named Julie Smith-Roberts after her mother Mary Smith and her father Bill Roberts. That seems FAR less confusing, to me, than the illogic of adopting only one name.
But if you can't convince your g/f over this, let it go. It's waaay too early in your parenting relationship to be seeking lawyers - remain amicable now so that you're in a better position to push your case over something important later. And don't tell me now this is important - in 5 years time things like visiting hours, day care, alimony and whether you get to take your kid away on a holiday this summer will seem FAR more pressing than just a name.
Your kid has his or her whole life ahead of him or her in which to honour you as a parent. Your son may wish on his 18th birthday to take your surname, or you may have the joy of giving your daughter away at her wedding (maybe she'll name your grandson after you!).
Enjoy fatherhood, and I'm sure you will quickly learn life's priorities.
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A
female
reader, yeahsureyoubetcha +, writes (19 March 2008):
 Legally, i believe you don't have any rights. Mom names baby. Moms name goes on the birth certificate, You do not have to sign anything so you have no power. But if she wants your name on the birth certificate you have to sign and you have a little say. You could refuse to sign it if she doesn't agree to your choice for name.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (19 March 2008):
 Of course you're not being selfish in wanting to give the baby your last name. Again, that rings a bell with me. Do you have an idea how many Hispanic women would like to find a man like you, who is NOT married to them and wants to give the baby his surname? I'm not sure if you know this, but, where I live, for a child to be legally registered with his father's name the father MUST be at the registration office.
But I'm digressing. You know, I suspect Oldersister to have a point here. There's a reason for that, and you should find out. But, you're not selfish for trying to give your name to the baby. Much to the contrary. I think this shows how much you love this baby, still unborn. You want the baby to be a part of your life. Now that is so right.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008): Unforturnately you do not at this point. If she identifies you as the father legally after the birth then you will have more rights then you do now. She may just be really moody or scared as it comes with pregnancy. Don't be too intruding...but honestly you should know whats going on. Keep in touch with her everyday. And try to listen when she starts talking about her feelings...that way you can start to understand her state of mind. I was bouncing off the walls with my mood when I was preggers, and if my boyfriend didn't listen or take it seriously, I would hold it against him. So just try and patch things up with her...if not as a couple, then as friends.
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A
male
reader, Slider68 +, writes (19 March 2008):
Slider68 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, I do not want the baby to have just my last name, i want at the least to have both of our last names together...eg, katie smith-johnsonI'm gonna be involved in the baby's life, every step of the way..and i would have a hard time, walking around with my son and his name is not the same as mine.Not sure, maybe i'm just being selfish? but this is how i'm feeling
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008): the baby does not have to have 2 names rather your name and her name can both be on the birth certificate and be hifenated eg: Smith'Crow so in fact it has one surname but it is both your and her last name if that makes sense
i hope it did !!
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (19 March 2008):
I find this post interesting because Hispanics, like me, have two surnames all the time :-). Like you, we go by the father's surname, and the usual problem is that the father doesn't want his surname to be the baby's, as that brings legal responsibilities.
But I see you're Canadian (generally you don't have two surnames, sorry) and your case is different.
However, if you're on good terms and the baby is yours, it doesn't seem like she would have a point in not letting the baby have both names. It seems like she wants the baby to be "all hers". Why it could be so, or what to do, I really wouldn't know.
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A
female
reader, Lovesick24 +, writes (19 March 2008):
 Of course you have legal rights, you are the father after all. I don't know about the names, maybe you should consult a lawyer or something.
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