A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am married and feeling horrible about my marriage. My husband and i have 4 kids and we have dicussed open marriage. I have had 1 partner with in that agreement. He has had none. It has really played a serious role in where i am today. I am i believe addicted to the high of love. I fell very easily for the person with whom i had sex with. I continue to search for that companionship. I have since been having an affair. It has been 7 months and i am having a very hard time with the fact that i fell for him too. I figured it was time to try agian on my marriage as it has fallen to pieces. I took my husband on a date ( it has been 2 months ) since we have been on a date. The entire time he talked about finding a 3rd party for our sex life. I can not help to think that it is so wrong for what i am doing with my lover, but he makes me feel wonderful. I love my husband, but i am not in love with him. He is wonderful, but i can not help to think that this is over. We got together when we were 19 years old right after we were together we got pregnant at 19. We have been together 14 years, however, never really felt the love that i feel for this other person. I am confused because I believe we would not be together if it was not for our kids. Is this just a phase?
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male
reader, Neboraic  +, writes (6 June 2009):
Its not a phase, the marriage is over (and may have been for a long time, maybe you never truly loved him in the first place. You should definitely find someone you love, although sticking close with your husband as a married couple or as room mates is necessary for the childrens sake (at least until they get to the self obsessed).
A
male
reader, rocknroll +, writes (5 June 2009):
Without going through what you and your husband have experienced with an open marriage, I think many couples share the same feelings towards each other. I think the problem starts at childhood and through schooling, where key elements to relationships are not taught, so you both entered a union not ready and probably expecting the other to do something about it.Now your experience might also be just that it is new and different, and this gives us the feeling that something has been provided that we haven't had before, but I think if we believe this, we are only deceiving ourselves.YOu both have opened a can of worms and have brought new doubt and feelings into the relationship, clearly, you both took the wrong path and his insistence to pursue a thrid partner will only cement the current feelings, not bring you two closer.Professional help, such as counselor or therapist will probably do little to repair the damage that is done. You both need to set yourself on a course of discovery and healing. Maybe in a few years you both will recover. The problem is that neither of you will know what direction to go or what it is that you are looking for. The answer is simple, probably have already heard said before, but it didn't register.You need to come clean with your feelings to your husband and stop this sherrade of open relationships.To get you both started on a new and healing journey and reconnection, may I suggest reading "the seven levels of intimacy, by matthew kelly". Your path will only lead to seperation or divorce, but because something pulled you both together, there is still a chance to save it.Take care and good luck!
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (5 June 2009):
 I'm afraid I haven't lived long enough to answer whether this is just a phase.
Your marriage, however, does not seem to be working well. Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think a marriage is healthy when one of the parties suggests that the other have a different sexual partner.
I think you need to feel in love, the way maybe you haven't felt while married.
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