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female
,
anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid,I am only 16 years old and I just lost my virginity to this guy I am really into. Our relationship has been very on and off for the past year and we aren't even really dating right now. Some of our mutual friends are calling me a slut now, and he is pretty much disregarding me. I am not naive to this, I know that he is being a jerk, but I don't know how to handle this post-sex feeling; he is spreading all this terrible rumors about me that are all very sexual and would-be personal if they were true, and now that I've lost my virginity to him it feels really bad that he is so willing to do this the day after. The sex didn't hurt awfully, but afterwards my thighs have been killing me, and he wouldn't even wait for me while we left his house. From then on, I have just felt like crap about it and about myself.I am sorry if this is too long, but I'd be grateful if I could just have some advice on how to handle his actions, my feelings, and these rumors. Thank you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2005): Yah, its okay i know how you feel, my ex boyfriend did the same thing to me, you just need to move on, and try really hard not to think about him, all you need to know is that he is not worth your time and that you are too good for him.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2005): i dont really understand u but a similar thing is happening to my friend she lost he virginity to her boyfriend and now they are not as close now my friend has been cutting her wrists and i have tried to stop her.i told her to tlk to him and she did and they have sorted things out well nearly so im gonna tell you to talk to him and mabey you will sort things out
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reader, wwww.datinghaven.com +, writes (3 October 2005):
I stand by the good advice given by the others.
A few points though:
"Our relationship has been very on and off for the past year"
Sex, should be an act between a male and a female (or same sex if they are gay/lesbian) who love each other, you couldnt have both loved each other enough, girls are so easy 2 lose it these days, you should wait til you find someone half decent before you lose it because you can only lsoe it once.
He doesnt love you, all along he was after a shag (he was a virgin too? wanting to USE you to lose his virginity), i bet since you known him all he did was hint about sex and kissing etc.? Perhaps why you kept breaking up.
"I know that he is being a jerk"
Thats step 1 of fixing a problem, finding out what the problem actually is.
"Some of our mutual friends are calling me a slut now"
They cant be real mates.
Where i live the main definition of a slut is a woman who cant keep her legs closed (so-2-speak) and has sex regulary with many different men outside of a relationship.
If my insincts are right that he was a virgin, i know thats abuse people saying that word, but my theory behind why you are being called that word you should take as a compliment,you were a natural at sex, he was so crap at it you looked like you had a lifetime experience behind you in comparison even though up until that point you were actually a virgin.
Regardless of this second theory he was a jerk and you should forget about him and find someone better (and slow down before you have sex with them), he in fact might have got scared, he probably was frontin that he had been with all these girls...and took you as an easy target to lose his virginity as you were a virgin yourself and it wouldnt be so embarrasing if he did something wrong, he treated you like shit, he looked down to you, he used you as a toy, you had sex, he thought you would be as good as a ..erm, well not good at all so bad in fact it would be shameful, BUT in fact after this treating you crap (excuse me french) and looking down to you (remember, he was superior, he had all the girls in bed and you never had sex before,... ^o) ) then the contrast of actually your performance being so great (a natural as we call it) he actually honestly thought you had sex so many times before that you sort of matched the definition of a "slut".
Whether what thoery is correct, its no excuse for him spreading those rumours,lies and abuse!
You need to tell the world (SHOUT after me, replace [name] with his name...) "[name] is a jerk!"
You need to flip the script! Be honest, say he took your virginity and he was crap in bed, so crap in fact the thick twat thought that you werent really a virgin ... (maybe distort the truth, when he left the house before you, this is probably true actually,) say he was so crap he got embarassed and ran outside crying and he wouldnt wait for ya ... (if you think this is true then say it, if its a lie, then it isnt so good) hes penis is soo tiny and he didnt know what to do with it ... then say "even though i wouldnt have said anything cos thats outta order and extra" (you may want to adapt it to your local slang) ... "he made all that stuff up so incase i spreaded rumours about his small dick and that he didnt know what to do with it"
"The sex didn't hurt awfully, but afterwards my thighs have been killing me"
Carry on the previous rumour/truth, people probably noticed your thighs hurt by the way you act and if you were walkign funny, say it was an injury of having sex with him, he didnt know any positions, he was humping your legs half the time, and he wouldnt stop slapping your legs for some strange reason, ... say that you almost bursed in to laughing as you didnt know what the hell he was trying to do,say he thought he could make you pregnant by humping your leg without even inserting his small willy into your vagina, ... then say when he is about to cum he grabs your thighs and digs his nails in .. emphasize the fact it f**kign hurt!!! .. and he got all scared.
"I have just felt like crap about it and about myself."
Dont feel bad, if you do you will regret it for the rest of your life.
Now you lost your virginity you havn't got that sexual inexperience cloud hovering over you anymore and you probably generally feel more comfortable in relationships.
I know you deep down wanted to lose your virginity to a good guy BUT life isn't perfect.
i dont want to sound like i am criticising you, i just want you to learn from your mistakes and dont fall for jerks like him in the future.
I hope you use the above rumour ideas, i am a MALE and the following points that the rumours include would HURT!
* Common one - thats to says the manhood is small
* "he thought he could make you pregnant by humping your leg without even inserting..." - thats highlights lack of knowledge on a sexual subject (and common sense) and co-incides with saying he is inexperienced, may not seem a true big deal but for a male that is! Besides at your age you should have learnt that stuff years ago @ school
* being bad in bed - highlights inexperience (this is 50 times worse for a bloke then a woman - thats not sexist)
* didnt know any positions - highlights inexperience and lack of sexual knowledge
* the getting in a mood, running off and crying bit - just gets worse doesnt it? :D
Then hopefully, one day you will meet someone who is decent.. and he (the bloke we talking about above) will actually learn to treat women right, unlikely? but people do change... and those rumours will knock him down a few levels, i am sick of some men treating women badly, gives the rest of us guys a bad name!
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reader, kelly16 +, writes (2 October 2005):
Hey hun don't b 2 hard on urself, i'v been thru exactly the same and no how u must b feeling, i got called names and judged by ppl i thought were my frends, i know it's humiliating and upsetting. His a jerk, his obviously very immature and needs alot of growing up 2 do. I hope ur more wise and hopefully next time u have sex it will b with sum1 who truly luvs u, instead of a loser in need of a quick shag, huni wot eva happens do not blame urself, u will recover in a few days and thnk 2 urself, his not worth it, 4get all da gossiping at least u no who ur real frends r, real frends stay by urside no matta if u were in da wrong. At da end of da day ur da grown up 1, his gona luk bck 1 day and c wot a ba??rd he really was. Good luck hun i hope i'v helped. xx kel
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reader, helpfull girl +, writes (2 October 2005):
well first of all next person you sleep with make sure he ent a loser! tell these people who are makeing the horrible rumors look i lost my virginitie to him because i was with him a yr and half, but hey he was crap in bed any way he didnt even have much of a dick(parden my language) then say i garantee 1 of you are not a virgin. or why dont you play the game too and spread rumors about him just make sure there good 2 can play that game right? friends who are like that arent friends and a man that can never wait for you or spread rumors is not a man his a little boy! why dont you try staying away from all them losers, if your in same school swap schools and keep away from where they all hang! and please dont dare have him back cus if you do your a loser like him too, i know by the sounds of you that you can do so much better, next boyfriend make sure he is a desent man not a childish little boy!
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reader, pops +, writes (2 October 2005):
There is no easy answer here. What is the worst problem is his spreading gossip about you. No one should ever kiss and tell! The next person who says something about your deflowering by this guy, look straight into his/her eyes, and tell him/her that yes, its true I slept with the guy, because I thought he loved me, and I really cared for him. He was the worst lover I could ever imagine having, and I am now sorry I ever met him. Let him feel the heat ! And try to live that down.
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