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female
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anonymous
writes: I've been married for 12 years and have a 9 yr. old son. I am thinking about divorcing my husband. We don't communicate, and he pays no attention to his son. He states in the 12 yrs. of our marriage he has NEVER been wrong about anything. How can I get through to him?? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2009): Sounds like the jerk that I'm married to! Men just want to be left alone and never questioned. My husband has "intimacy" issues that go back to before his birth - his mother got pregnant to get her "man" and then wondered why he resented her! This messed up family produced my husband who thinks any sign of emotion is weakness.
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (18 February 2009):
 Quantum bunny, I just want to point out to you that the original date of the question is October 2, 2005; that is nearly 3 1/2 years ago. Hope this helps!
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female
reader, quantum_bunny  +, writes (18 February 2009):
 Hi is your name Jane by the way I am very curious because you have the same timeline and the age of your son is exact to Jane that I'm familliar with it's shot in the dark but I'm just incredibly curious. Thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2008): I myself have a similar issue with my husband. No matter what he is right and I am wrong. My opinions should be the same as his or else I am wrong!! It is his way or No way... and when I disagree with him on ANYTHING AT ALL it becomes an arguement with him. My husband and myself run a community Ball field together I am the Officer Secretary and he is the League Director we agree on approx zero most of the time when it comes to rules and regulations. I say rules are rules and are there for a reason, he says forget the rules... I as an Officer (which he is not) have to continue to enforce the rules that he keeps trying to bend. I have been threatening over and over that I was going to quit and i never do... well, this last time, we had a disagreement I said the same thing. But this time was different I DID RESIGN. He could not believe it... sometimes in life you have to just do what you have to do and stop thinking about what you are gonna do.. You wouls be amazed at the difference me standing up for myself has done to our relationship and I also had the weight of the world lifted off my shoulders by letting my position with the ball park go. Good Luck to you
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2007): You could spend the rest of your life trying to get through to him,but if he isn`t listening with an open mind it won`t work.
Do not see his inability to see his errors as your failure to communicate with him. I have spent all my adult life with my husband and for the greater part of it have tried to make everything better. For a long time I accepted his constant criticisms and even believed that I must be wrong. I thought by being kind and forgiving he would also be. He isn`t. He just goes on in the same way taking everything that is offered and giving nothing in return.
Look at others and see that it is possible to live life able to breathe, relax and speak without being criticised by someone you think loves you but who loves themselves more and is not capable of sharing themselves.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2005): Well, I can tell you that my husband is the same way. For 7 1/2 years I swear to you if I say white he says black. And no matter what the situation he words things to sound as if he's completely right all the time and I'm a freakin idiot. It's a total lack of respect. I mean no one is right all the time, I know I'm not. There was one perfect man on this earth and believe you me, not my husband nor yours was him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2005): Maybe he thinks that "never being wrong" is normal, but it certainly isn't healthy or indicative of a good, strong caring husband. He sounds very insecure, selfish and controlling. How he sees you and treats you and his son is only about him-not you, not your son and your husband needs some serious work. And yes, if you are angry and resentful, it's with good reason. Your resentment is a clear signal. You need to hear it & respect it. You must identify the messages. Over the past 12 years, you have coped..likely hoping he might change his controlling behaviours but these men never do. Hun, he didn't change; you did and that is what is so sad, here. You are waking up, and you don't like what you see in this man. As a result, you are understandably miserable. I am especially worried about his indifference to his son. No innocent child deserves to be treated that horridly. He is emotionally abusing your child, not to mention you. What to do? You've started, dear. You are questioning things; questioning his behavior; identifying his verbal and emotional abuse; you are feeling your justified anger. You need to sort through all of this. For starters, stop holding yourself responsible for his failings-his failings are his, and there is nothing you can do to remedy his stuff. You have no control over him. By improving your boundaries with him, you won't be inclined to blame yourself and take responsibility for his 'crap' anymore. Get strong and I suggest you get some individual counseling to help you sort through all of this and learn to set some tough boundries with this man.
You want to take back your power in this marriage, if, in fact you choose to be in this relationship at all. I hope for the sake of your son's emotional well-being, you think long and hard about him and how your husband's behaviour's is affecting him. Also should visit a good lawyer and get some good legal advice. Something tells me you might need this advice-it never hurts to be prepared. Good luck to you and your son. Stay strong and I'm with you all the way!
Hugs
Irish
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reader, pops +, writes (2 October 2005):
Hitting him with a summons to court to answer your divorce petition should do it ! But, I don't think anything else will. He is obviously very insecure, and is overcompensating. Both of you should be in counseling, but he won't go. So what is there to save? Trust me your son is not better off living with parents who talk to each other as you describe. Get counseling for yourself, and for your son. Maybe your husband will wake up to what he is about to lose, and maybe not.
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