A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey, I've been with my boyfriend almost 2 years, we're both serious about each other, and we've talked about having a serious future together. However, in a recent argument he text me saying "well guess what my mother is far more important than you", it was uncalled for and understandably I felt upset and unworthy. I've always known he's a bit of a mummys boy but now I'm thinking this could cause problems in our relationship if we decided to marry one day. Am i justified in being angry and upset with his comment? and what shall I do now?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2010): I think that maybe there are people who have contributed who don't have the problem with the "mother in law". As someone who has had that issue, sometimes it is IMPOSSIBLE to broach the subject of why his mother is more important. How do you word it so that the mommy's boy understands (without getting upset)that it is actually really frustrating when they put mum first and its sickening when she talks about how perfect he is (when you know he isn't!).
A
female
reader, Supreeya +, writes (3 September 2010):
for those who asked, this argument erupted becasue for his birthday i had booked a day spa for the two of us, literally 3 mins before we got there he received a call from his mother,her car had broken down and she had a meeting to go to. without even mentioning the fact we had plans, he said 'i'll be right there' so he dropped me back to my flat and went, naturally we missed the spa day and it was non-refundable (and expensive). i stopped talking to him but eventually we resolved it. that was months ago. on my birthday we had another argument and he brought up the fact that on his birthday i stopped speaking to him, i said the reason was beacause he did not thank me or appreciate the surprise i had planned for him. i did not even mention his mother, and that is when he made THAT comment.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2010): I would like to know how the argument reached the point where he said this in the first place, I mean, it wouldn't just come out of no where. What came before it? Are you and the mother competing for his attention?
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (26 August 2010):
 Okay, he's not a momma's boy just because he says his mother is the most important. It's mothers first and then Girlfriend/wife. I don't think it was right for him to use his mother to anger you though, that's disrespectful.
I hope that helps.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2010): Grow up. He was obviously trying to hurt you, because you were having an argument and doubtless you texted hurtful things to provoke that desire --- if not you'd have posted more of the exchange of text in your question. Now you are seeking validation by continuing your argument here with a slanted question.
You do have a relationship problem. And that problem is that you don't know how to have a constructive and fair argument that actually resolves a problem rather than pushes people's emotional buttons.
A hint, that sort of argument happens face-to-face. And whilst it acknowledges people's emotions and feelings it doesn't judge them, like you are asking us to do. And it isn't Monday-morning quarterbacked on the Internet.
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A
female
reader, misfitschik66  +, writes (26 August 2010):
 My fiance was a HUGE momma's boy and she knew it and loved it
needless to say he is NOT a mama's boy anymore
when he moved out of her house she was devistated
he would call her ALL the time to tell her were he was and vice versa eventually i took his phone and told him he was not getting it back till he stopped telling her every little detail about or relationship and telling her what we were doing 24/7
she would FORCE him to stay the night if we were in town visiting
i told him to jump from the nest or were over
she doesn't seem to call as much any more since he told her to lay off..
if he EVER told me i was less important than this mother i would rip my engagement ring off throw it at him and walk out the door and never look back
you deserve MORE than that
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A
male
reader, escribanus  +, writes (25 August 2010):
 Well the natural order of importance for a man:
1. Momy
2. Friends and sports.
3. personal world.
4. Girlfriend.
About a marriage, you should understand 2 things: mon will always win on a battle for the soul of the guy. She can be your bes allie, she is the only one who has natural authority over him.
Draw the line and respect each other field. She mustn't control your home and you won`t intefeere between she and her son.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (25 August 2010):
Oh, you need to end it with this guy. He actually had the nerve to say that his mother is FAR more important than you. At the very least, you should be as important. And in my opinion, a partner/wife/husband comes before anyone else (except your own kids, but you don't have any). Every argument, she will win. If she wants something, she'll get it. Every time you do something, he'll go to her and she'll take control. You'll be compared to her all the time. That's not healthy at all. You are different to her entirely, and at the very least should be as important as her. He's come out and said you're far away from what she is. You can't compete with that, and you shouldn't ever have to.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2010): If unprevoked, what a childish thing to say. Why wud somebody want to say that in an argument with their partner for no reason! Our mothers are important to us all but a mother child relationship is so different from a sexual relationship that you cudnt even compare them! mayb talk to him about why he said it? mayb he feels that you dont like the relationship he has with his mum and thort that it wud get to you?
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