A
female
age
51-59,
*uvlorn
writes:How do I win him back?Onagain, off again... he doesn't know what he wants... can't fully commit, butcan't seem to leave me alone either. Right now on a break as both are tired of the yo-yo of me wanting more and his not knowing what he wants. Happy between the episodes of confrontation on where we stand. Lotsa good here and 2 yrs invested. So, we're "off" and I am miserable- love him and hurts being w/ him wanting more but also hurts being away and having nothing. He's happy with me, but can't step up, so let me go and is having a hard time too, self-blaming saying he's broken as he can't say what he wants and feels and tired of hurting me. Frustrating!When he "broke it off" (this time), he immediately afterwards asked me to stay for dinner and go to movies then spend the nite and wanted to hold me and was way sweeter than usual. SO confused!!!Now broken up, trying not to speak, haven't seen one another, grieving and plotting and thinking of moving on (but HOW when I am so in love and always will be?), so a PLOT:a last letter saying I love him, accept him "as is", know he loves me and will be patient with his coming around... and a train ticket and reservation for a hotel in a city we've talked about visiting. Tell him to decide and hop on board... if no, I will vacay alone and heal and NOT go back. Will it work? Backfire? THOUGHTS???
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male
reader, somewhat_anonymous +, writes (18 August 2007):
Try it one last time, but put the warning out there that this is it. You cannot wait your whole life waiting for him to figure it out. Ask where he sees this all going and what he wants. If it is you he wants, what is the problem? He sounds like he needs counseling to sort this out. But make it clear that you cannot wait around forever, because in reality, you can't.
A
female
reader, luvlorn +, writes (18 August 2007):
luvlorn is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh yes... I am prepared to walk away... won't be easy, but necessaryrather being a yo yo forever if he doesn'tshow... the plan will be a vacay by myself to grieve and heal. If he comes round AFTER that I will NOT be open... enough is enough. Butyeah, READY- one way or the other... *sigh*... 2 yrs at 40 years old is enough time.
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A
female
reader, luvlorn +, writes (18 August 2007):
luvlorn is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks...
NO NONO, the ex wife is NOT a threat, LOL... HATES her, she's nuts, cheated throughout 8 yr marriage, got pg w/ another man's baby and he's raised that child as own and she ran off finally w/ another man... he is BURNED by her and it was a lot of DRAMA- does NOT want her, no worries there.
YES, I care THAT much to make one last effort... IM'd last nite and it was flirtatious and sad and waffling back n forth and I refused to meet and talk- not gonna fall back in as long as is "doesn't know"- wanthim to figure it out, then I will invite him closer in to trip over holiday weekend and SEE what happens. My last shot as yes, I love him and can't just let it go w/out the effort, BUT will NOT settle either and live in "limbo"
THANKS!
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A
female
reader, Aunt Audrey  +, writes (18 August 2007):
 Hi there,
I think most definately it's time for him to get off the fence and make his mind up one way or the other.
Your idea of asking him to meet you is fine as long as things really do change if he comes or you really do call it a day on the relationship if he doesn't.
Why does he feel so undecisive? You mention in another posting, an ex wife, he doesn't hold on to a desire to reconcile with her sometime in the future does he and is afraid of commiting to you for this reason not wanting to hurt you or disappoint you in the future.
You need to know what direction this relationship is going, if anywhere at all, but try not to push him too hard to make his mind up, he may well tell you what you want to hear to get you off his back for now, and then change his mind again a few weeks down the line. You may well find yourself making the decision for him and calling it a day once and for all, and who could blame you!
Good luck and keep us posted.
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (18 August 2007):
 If you feel this strongly about him, then surely it is worth a shot.
There is no harm in trying one last thing, as I'm sure you do not want to spend the rest of your life wondering what if.
You have to be definite in your decision to walk away though if he chooses not to join you and have you thought about how you will deal with that if it happens?
Take care and i hope everything works out for you.xx.
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