A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has just been telling me about some of his usual behavior in relationships, and I'm not sure what to make of it. He said he's had one relationship that lasted over 3 months and all the rest he gets bored with and wants change, so suddenly splits up with them. Or he gets interested in someone else, tries to resist for a while, but eventually (by eventually I mean still within 3 months!) breaks up with them to be with the new person. We've been planning to move in together as soon as we find an apartment. We've been together for around 10 months and he did say this is the most stable he's ever felt, but now I don't know. Would you move in with someone after hearing all that? How can I know if he's changed now or if one day he'll suddenly switch off on me and want someone else? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (19 January 2011):
 Generally as a rule I would say NEVER move in with anyone until you have been with them a year - if you can last a full year then it shows that you are in a stable relationship, you are both committed to each other and this will be a long term relationship.
If you move in any sooner, you are still at risk that it is still the 'honeymoon' phase, and that you dont know each other well enough to make suge a big committment as moving in together. I know 2 months wont really make a huge difference, but I think in terms of your boyfriend, and this being his longest ever relationship - then it will be a good thing for him to get past the year hurdle and to show him that he can actually do long term relationships and he is better at this than he thinks he is.
You cant worry about his past - chances are if he got bored of all these girls then they simply were not right for him and they did not do enough to keep the relationship fresh and exciting. So the fact that he is with you still after 10 months and he wants to move in with you - clearly he is not bored and is very happy with you, so maybe you are just the right girl for him?
You can never guarantee that he has changed and will never get bored of you, but then again you cant guarantee either that you will never get bored of him - things change in a relationship and there is no way of predicting what will happen in the future. All relationships are a risk, and moving in with someone is a big risk - because you are investing a lot into that other person. But if you love him and want to be with him - then you have to ask yourself is he worth the risk?
You can get your heart broken at any time for a heap of reasons, so there is no point in living life scared of what 'could' happen. But just take your time with moving in together, 10 months is pretty fast to be moving in with him so maybe wait a little longer, get over the year hurdle and then start to think about it. I have moved in with 2 guys now - the first one I had been with him 7 months, and the other (who I am still with now) I had been with him 11 months. The difference between the two experiences is amazing - the first guy changed massively as soon as we moved in, he was lovely before we lived together but then as soon as we got an apartment together it was absoultely awful and we split up 6 months later. Whereas with my current guy, it has been fantastic, living together is great and we are really happy (we have now been together 16 months).
So I really cant stress enough how important it is to take your time when moving in with someone, being together a year really makes a difference and simply - dont rush it. If you have any doubts, then wait a little longer until you feel sure in your decision again. Always trust your instincts, and if you are worried then wait a while until those worries go away.
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (19 January 2011):
Hmmm...well just some stuff I've read before, if the person you're dating has a string of short-term relationships in the past, it could mean they're a commitmentphobe.
I guess it's good he got it out there in the open, but what I question is if he was telling you because he really does want to have a lasting relationship with you and he's telling it to you as proof that this relationshp is different or if he's warning you.
I think you know better than us how the relationship is going and if you feel confident that it'll work out then I think you should continue what you're doing. But since he dropped this on you, I'm guessing you're not as confident about it as before. So maybe you should tell him your concern regarding what he told you and decide to either move in, wait until you've been together a little longer and become more confident with the idea of living together again, or just don't do it.
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A
male
reader, foolishsage +, writes (19 January 2011):
 You must be an amazing individual if you could hold the attention of a gnat for more than 3 months.
Really, if they've all been 3 months or less, then it sounds like he's been dating a lot of the wrong type of girl for him or that he just can't sit still for more than 2 minutes. Since you've still been around for 10 months AND he wants to move in - he probably told you the stories about how he's lost interest so quickly in the past to accentuate how long 10 months really is for him and how much you really mean to him. I'd have to say that if he had what I call "fish syndrome" and was simply distracted by every new bright shiny object that stumbled past, that he likely already would have been distracted.
All relationships are a risk, but I'd have to say that at this point, this relationship is probably a lower risk one for you. I could be wrong, but that's my honest opinion.
Good luck
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A
male
reader, GRW +, writes (19 January 2011):
That is a major red flag, but it may not be as it seems. He may have disclosed that information to you because he trusts you and wants to be as honest as possible. He may have intended for you to perceive it as him displaying love; that he is still with you because he has never felt as strongly about another girl as he does you.
Does he say he loves you? If so, does it feel genuine? If not, I would be on guard. If so, I don't think you have anything to worry about.
-G
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