A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i have two suitors.one is a doctor the other suitor is a successful chinese businessman.the doctor is nice, sweet and passionate.but he has bad breath. While the chinese is caring and sweet. He has no bad breath and the chinese is very hygienic.the doctor is very good looking. While the chinese is not. The doctor is not tall. While the chinese is so tall. The doctor is 35 years old.while the chinese is 38 yrs old.i'm 28 yrs old. i gave them time to get to know me better.so i dated the doctor.and next i dated the chinese. now i am more spending time with the chinese because he became close to my family. Everybody in the family likes him.except for his physical appearance. not that good looking. both of them have plans to settle down. The doctor is the one running the business of their family.while the chinese has his own business.very independent and rich on his age. The doctor has many sex experiences already. he is willing to settle down with me. The chinese has little experience when it comes to women because he focuses himself to work work work. The chinese when he first saw me, he got attracted to me immediately. now he is pursuing me.The doctor the first time he saw me didn't mind me, but he had a girlfriend back then.they are both insisting as to holding hands with me and kissing me.. I said to them to wait. For me i'm confused as to who i will choose.who will i choose?
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (19 January 2011):
 thank you for the follow ups. Rebound relationships, those straight after you have broken up do need to be thought out carefully, to ensure you are moving on for the right reasons.
You know in your heart if the guy who left you suddenly was available for you or not. He certainly showed a callous side by leaving you with no explanation. So consider he showed you his true colors and thus did you a favor. By leaving.
You are right to realise that now is the time to make a decision. Because you cannot deepen the relationship with two guys at the same time. Can you learn some words in the Chinese guy's language? Mandarin or ???. And can you teach him some guys in your main language? English or ???
The doctor is very talkative. Are you that way too? Or are you quieter? If you are quieter then his talkativeness might irritate you eventually. I am very surprised that a Doctor would allow himself to have bad breath. It would make me feel sick. Sometimes gall stones can cause that. And can need an operation to fix it.
Looks can change, but character is forever. Choose character always over looks. Maybe create a matrix of character traits you value (ethics, reliability, etc) and don't value (dishonesy, arrogance etc). And score the 2 guys on that?
From reading every response and your follow ups I sense that the Chinese year is more sincere and will cherish you.
You can't please everyone. You can only make the best choice for you. Remember there are many single available men in the world, potentially available and eager to marry. China has more men than women, so the men learn to prize their wives. The situation in China will become more dire as more male babies continue to survive in China than males.
Will you live in USA or elsewhere if you married either guy?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthe chinese guy do not speak english fluently so he and i will have a hard time emotionally involved with each other. However when he says he loves me he touches his chest and i can see it in his eyes that he loves me. The doctor on the other hand is so vocal with his feelings as to his sincerity to me. I feel like the doctor is only my reserve when there is no other guy pursuing me. I pity them both when i choose one over the other. They are both nice and sincere.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthis is so fun! Thank you for your answer.but i hate hurting one of them if i choose the other.. The chinese guy is not fluent in english. our emotional sharing with each other is limited.but i can see it in his eyes when he is tired, happy, or sad. When he is tired from work or when he says he loves me..he touches his chest.try to say he loves me! Lol! The doctor on the other hand is so vocal about his feelings because i can understand his language. I do pity him when he feels that i dont like him. I like him though.but i feel like he is only my reserve when there is no other guy pursuing me. Also im thinking i also pity the chinese guy who have real hopes for me. I just dont want to leave him. He has no family here. They are both nice! maybe i havent opened my heart yet.. I have recently into a relationship which up to now i havent forgotten yet. Im trying to move on. My exboyfriend left me with no explanation.really hurts. now im more defensive of my feelings to men.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2011): I think you have to go with the person you want to be with. You have to remember that the man you want to be with, can you see yourself with him in 5 years? How about 10 years? Do you see yourself married to him and perhaps having a family? You need to see yourself with the man whom you feel right with...not because of hygiene or looks. Remember, looks should not matter (you can always change your hairstyle...and they say most men age handsomely as they get older) and breath should not matter because it can be remedied with breath mints and gargling and sometimes, it can be a medical reason...but you must look deep within and think for the moment, who do you want to be with...and whom do you find yourself having fun with and someone that will hold you in his arms when you are not having a good day...someone you can talk to about anything and everything under the sun...this is something to reconsider.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (19 January 2011):
your analysis of the situation is clinical. Nothing wrong with that. Some people would have better relationships if they could remain as detached, delay any physical contact, and cover all the bases as you are doing.
You are being very rational about what are, to most people, emotional issues.
But the part that does worry me is your absence of passion for either. Do you feel any spark for either man?
Both men would be solid financially so that's one issue out the way.
But a good relationship is not just the good times.
When one adores and loves one's spouse then all is possible.
But what about when he's ill? One's guy can get sick. That's part a marriage too. And a guy can tell if you are genuine or not in an instance. As you can tell the same.
And the feelings of passion can grow (as they can in an arranged marriage) but it really does help if you personally are feeling electricity spark when you are in their presence. I know the feeling and it is unmistakable.
Honesty is paramount in every relationship. So don't giggle and make out all is ok if it is not.
Because this is your future happiness at stake.
I had once the need to honestly say to one guy, who was interested in me, (before i met my husband) but I never was interested in that guy: so i said
That he was a nice guy, and he could be my honorary brother, but that was all. And there are occasions when i see him socially and he even calls me his honorary sister and my husband his honorary brother in law.
Being with a guy you feel no passion for is not an option
Ps: i like sound of the business man more than the Doctor. But the choice is yours.
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A
female
reader, jbdream3 +, writes (19 January 2011):
 Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You ever heard that saying? Bad breath can be taken care of, but as far as how good looking he is is concerned, the important thing is how he treats you. I know it's only normal to have an attraction to certain type of appearance with a guy, but looks are only skin deep. It's what's on the inside and what's within his heart that counts. A guy could be just as handsome as Rock Hudson, but if he's a jerk towards you, than the relationship is not worth it. What good are a man's looks if he doesn't treat you in a kind and caring way. Think about it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2011): I think you will be happier with the Chinese. You don't want someone to settle for you, you want someone who is in love with you and attracted to you. Your family also appears to approve of him. You have to wonder why all the doctor's relationships didn't work out. At least the Chinese was busy creating his business and is now ready to fall in love and chose you immediately.
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (19 January 2011):
 Poor you! :-)
Just kidding.. I am happy for you that u met 2 wonderful men. They're financially stable which is great!!! However its very important to have chemistry, things in commom, enjoy spending time together, go out nice places as well as a nice quiet nights watching tv..
If you cannot decide, don't pressure yourself.. I believe that eventually you'll know who's better for you..
I know is bad but keep seeing both of them, take things slowly & just let progress naturally. Go w/ur gut feeling & do what makes you happy..
We can only guide you in so many ways, but you are the only 1 that will know what's best for you..
Consider:
*money both have
*physicall apperance doesn't matter, chemistry is more important. Little kiss here & there, holding hands.. That will let you know who ur more compatible
Don't feel guilty for seeing both of them at the same time, u never promise them anything..
Only time will tell..
I was going to say good luck, but ur lucky girl already..
Best wishes!
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