A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi all. I just want to understand this. I have dated my boyfriend for 7 years and in march 2012 he asked me to bought a house with him and I did because he promised that we are going to get married in that December of 2012. when December came he started to become abusive as I told him that he was just using me by promising marriage as he knew all the time that he only wanted a house. in January 2013 I moved back to my parents house thinking his will come to do things the right way. but when I went to visit in our house to my surprise I got some woman's hair in our bedroom, he even hided my shoes. that's when I came back to our house which was in may 2013 because when I left in January 2013 he promised to marry me in June 2013 and when I asked him about the money he told me that he has given his mom a certain amount cause she promised to pay it back, when I check on his bank statement I found out that he got the money but used it as exactly as he has told me. in your opinion is this guy ready or committed to marry me. even the worst part my mother in law doesn't like me cause she loves the mother of his second child, she is the only woman who she allows to come and visit her even though she knows that her son is dating me. I'm so lost and confused because when I told him that I'm going to live him he told me that he loves me very much and can't live without me.
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male
reader, Geta  +, writes (18 January 2014):
You can always get a court order and have the house sold so you can recover your money and I would recommend you do that. Mixing finances all over the place or having your money to finance his mother's finances is not a good start to a marriage because, most often then not, it should be the other way around.
It is also problematic that he is suddenly abusive, after he got your money. That is not a good sign because it signals what your future role in the relationship will be - to support only what he decides and if you offer your views you will be abused. That is not a relationship for any woman to be in.
Bottom line, get your money back first then move away from him and seek out another man with whom you can be treated with dignity and kindness.
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