A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I feel like I can't love anyone...I don't know if it's because I'm depressed or what but I feel like I can't be in a relationship. Recently I've been in a lot of relationships and they all seem the same to me. I feel really silly saying this but they all become oddly obsessed with me. I don't know why. By obsession I mean they say they love me and they're always trying to see me. They also plan their futures with me and are constantly talking about how great I am. I don't know why I attract these kinda guys. I guess it's because they're insecure and I help them with it. Yes I do talk to them and I am nice but I really don't act like I have the intention of doing something more. Right now I'm in a bind with my current boyfriend because I am in the stages of me breaking up with him I feel like. He's the sweetest guy I've met, he's friendly and he buy me things and he always compliments me. I kinda hate being complimented all the time or guys saying they're in love so fast so it's all getting really old. We've been dating for 2 months now and he talks about me to everyone he meets. I certainly don't do that so I don't really like how he does this.I've talked to him about it and he says he'll try to stop but I feel bad for making him stop a quality a lot of other girls would love. I don't want to dump him because I'm sick of jumping into relationships only to dump the guy a little later on... I want to make this work but I feel myself slowly becoming apathetic to it all... How can I make this work? What do I tell him to make him stop being overly in love with me?
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male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (18 January 2014):
In these matters, you can not keep quiet and expect your partner to read your mind. In relationships there will always be disagreements and sometimes differing goals. You can see that life goals are indeed important in discussions, but if you remain quiet then the guy will only think that you are ok with it.
You might have it wrong in the sense that the guys become obsessed with you. It might be your own behaviour causing guys to lead down this path.
Either way I think you just need to speak up more and continue to just enjoy the relationship. It will take more time for him to learn what annoys you and for you to understand him, so give it more time to develop. Understand that you just need to grow a stronger backbone if you want to take some control as well into your relationship, and to stop blaming yourself for these problems. Your relationship can be better if you let it be...
A
female
reader, lessons_learned  +, writes (18 January 2014):
Maby it's you not them. You may enjoy taking care of people making them feel good, you get a since of satisfaction out of it. But once they improve and start to rely on you to prop up their self-estee, you resent them because it's such a burden on yourself.
You need to figure out why YOU seek out vulnerable people that you feel you need to fix, and why doing this makes you feel good.
If every retaliationship start to go in the same direction then the fact is it's properly more to do with you then them.
Maby you are afraid to start a retaliationship with an emotionally sound person because you u like having the upper hand and bein the strong one. You are afraid of needing someone.
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