A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I arranged to go to kinky, fetish-scene party while single but now have new boyfriend who doesn't want me to go. Am I being unreasonable still wanting to go, even though he doesn't like it, and is not into that. He thinks I will be looking for someone who shares the same fantasy as me. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 March 2017):
 I think you are both not compatible with each other. It probably won't work out if you can both not compromise for the relationship. It sounds to me like you are not a good match.
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female
reader, Ormskirk360 +, writes (27 February 2017):
 I can't believe the amount of people that clearly don't understand the 'scene'. I am actively part of my local kink scene, and I visit events regularly, alone or with friends (as I'm single), and at none of these events am I looking to hook up with anyone. I go purely to have fun and catch up with friends. There is NOTHING sexual in my lifestyle. That's not to say it isn't sexual for SOME people, but for a lot of us, it isn't. I enjoy watching different things, and learning about certain acts that a lot of people have HUGE misconceptions about. So OP, if you want to go for sexual purposes, then I think your BF has every right to request you don't go. However, if you're going for the reasons I do, then I'd suggest you go, and invite your BF along. There's really nothing to hide if you aren't looking for anything sexual. The people in my scene are my friends; I can talk to them about things that 'regular' friends just don't understand, because the average person doesn't have the same openness as the people in the kink scene. Enjoy it, OP, and you'd probably do better asking this question of people in your scene, who knows you, and understand. All the best from someone that DOES understand xx
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female
reader, Amycoffeegirl  +, writes (27 February 2017):
I think there are a few things to consider.This is a new boyfriend. Commitments in a relationship grow over time, and a new relationship may not have any strong commitments developed yet. Only you and your bf can actually define how strong that relationship is at this point. For me, it takes a few months for a strong relationship with commitments with someone new to develop.What type of fetish party is this? Are you planning on sexual contact with anyone? If you are, are you at a point in your relationship with your new bf that being with someone else is still acceptable? Again, for me, it took several months before my bf and I actually made a commitment to being exclusive. I think it is great that your new bf knows about your party plans, and that you are not being deceptive with him. To me, it sounds as if the relationship with your new bf is still very much new, and therefore in general its still ok to date / party with other people until your relationship matures to the point when there is more of a commitment between the two of you.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2017): I think you are being a bit selfish. Afterall, if it was the other way around, I'm sure you'd be giving him hell. But I've noticed over the years that women, collectively, would 'never do anything wrong' whereas men are 'always on the lookout for something else.' The fact this is a fetish thing means you can't deny the sexual element to it.However, I'm not going to label you as the bed egg- you are who you are. It would be easy to say you need to find a compromise, but there really isn't a compromise in this line of sexual entertainment. If he doesn't want you to go to these parties without him, that's a fair request. If you want to go to these parties without him, that's a fair request too.As the others here have said, it's a sexual incompatibility that can't be fixed. Either you have to change your tastes or he does- I, personally, don't see a way to do that. If you value the relationship, you'd skip this party (there'll be others, I'm sure) and take a bit of time to understand each other's thoughts on this element of your relationship and decide if you have a future. If you value the party more than the relationship, then nothing else needs to be said- it's over.
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male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (26 February 2017):
Go have fun, at your age men will come and go but how often will you get an invite to a fetish party?
And let's be honest why else would you be going to this party if not to find someone or some two or three to play with.
So go if he's the man for you he'll be there when you finish playing. If not what have you lost? A guy who you're not sexually compatible with. No great loss.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2017): I agree with Honeypie completely. This seems to be an important issue for you, so obviously it is a big part of your life. Your boyfriend does not share this. I don't think it is fair to him when you aren't on the same page sexually. He wants to be monogamous and therefore doesn't want you to explore kinks at a group party. Even if there isn't actual sexual acts taking place, the nature of it is sexual interests, which you are sharing with all other people at the party. That doesn't suit him because he is a traditional monogamous individual. You have to respect his choice for what a faithful relationship involves, and if you cannot do that, you have to let him go. If you want a more open relationship that is fine, but you need to find someone who shares that value, not force it on your boyfriend who values something else. I also think, like Honeypie pointed out, that at least one of you misrepresented yourself to the other during the dating stage. Now you know that you aren't compatible, so the best thing is to move on.I think over time you would be tempted to cheat with someone who shares your interests, or he would long for someone who is more into what *he* likes, probably more traditional sex within an atmosphere of love, loyalty and devotion. You are both entitled to your relationship ideals, but they aren't aligned. So break up.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 February 2017):
 I think you have picked a BF who isn't a good match for you, at least not sexually.
He is NOT into fetish, so I can understand why he doesn't think you should go. This is not like a hobby, like collecting stamps, going to watch polo or hike forest trails. THIS is a SEXUAL thing that YOU want to do to please YOU, no one else. And you don't seem to care whether it's OK with him (your partner) or not - you want to do this FOR you and you alone. So BE single. Or find someone you can SHARE this with.
I have to say if I was dating someone and they wanted to go to group sex parties, kink parties - I would say GO, but we are done. It's not that I can't accept that someone HAS a kink, but the fact that I mean NOTHING compared to that would make ME leave.
I honestly think you need to find a man who SHARES this with you, not be with someone who seems to resent it.
And OP, I have to ask DID he KNOW about this when you were first starting out and courting? Or did you drop it on him AFTER you became a couple? Because I DO think that makes a difference. If he was OK with it during the courting period but all of a sudden he is not, then he misrepresented himself to you as an open minded person. If he didn't know, then YOU misrepresented yourself.
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (26 February 2017):
 And will you? Be looking for someone who shares the same fantasy?
How important is your fantasy/fetish? Is it something you absolutely have to have/do to have a satisfying sex life? If so and your boyfriend is not into the same thing, then you will probably always yearn for it.
You need to decide whether your fantasy/fetish is more important to you than your boyfriend or vice versa.
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