A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Do you think it’s wrong to talk to my mom about the breast augmentantion she had and has hiden from me? My mom since I know her she is “strugling financially” she never has money, ever gives me enough money, I mean the most she gave me when growing up was $5 a month and now $20. $40 for birthday gift. Before I lost my job and went to public college I used to be financially independent but right now I am really in trouble because I am deeply in debt and I have to spend a lot on transport, Idon’t have a car and where I live the public transport is dangerous and scary. My mom she works a stable well paid job but she doesn’t care, she doesn’t care that I have necessities or health issues because she just don’t want to spend. She is so selfish she even made me pay for the food she invited me on my birthday with my gift money. Ever since I was little she never showed me how to be productive and she never, ever, ever bought me clothes or anything new, but she travelled a lot, without me just left me there alone to take care of my dad and brothers. She only went with my sister and both them got a boob job. When honestly my education was put to the side, Here you get what you pay for and just to compare she has paid more in breast implant than my whole education and it was sh*t. She never cared because of the “struggle” She always kept me in public schools where I had a hard time because she “has no money” The truth is she always taught me to be poor, that I should always stretch the money and never spend the $5 she gave me, because it was a lot. But she gets her tits done? I mean am I overreacting... I mean what kind of person does this harm to her children knowing they will never know what is a lot and what is a little. She is so selfish and I don’t know if I should talk to her about this.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2018): You can definitely say it but I don't think it will change who she is as a person. She is more focused on her appearance than providing for her daughter's education, and that IS a sad thing. Go ahead and tell her how you feel. It is better than bottling it up.
Will it change that she is selfish and her years of neglect? No. Will she be remorseful? Doubt it.
As others have said, distance yourself. You are a better and stronger person than she has ever been. Keep some close friends and get strength from that.
All the best.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2018): It's all gone tits up?
Anyway. You are a progressive girl. I commend you for seeing what is right and wrong, to save yourself you must cut all ties with your mother. She does not have your best interests at chest and you are right. Life is not all about plastic, fake boobs!
Bad Mom!
Don't become her and step away from this evil, for it is thus!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2018): Thank you all so much for your advice. I can’t thank you enough.
It has been a tough decision, but I will keep out of that conversation and even if I want to talk to her that much, I wont. She kept me in the dark for this and I’m not going to invite myself.
I never explained really well that I don’t live with her since 17 when I became independent, she said that my boyfriend of that time could manage me better and she will never take me back. The breast augmentation was before when she stopped paying for my education. It hurts me that she lied that she had no money but she was spending it all on plastic surgery.
My dad is Not in the picture, he doesn’t work and she’s fine she prefers to have him than me by her side but they don’t talk.
My sister is her “friend” but she secretly despises her because she has paid for a lot of my mom’s stuff and struggles so she told everybody that she’s having a second boob job. My mom whenever I talk to her asking for advice she is an hipocrite.
When I was pregnant she said abortion is never an option in front of God which I agreed and later I found out she had one. Why not help with a bigger view of things if you had the experience and you are talking to family? I guess it’s too intimate. The same about the breast augmentation. When I breastfed and lost weight I got really saggy tiny boobs. She said don’t even think about that. But she secretly is getting a second one and that’s where all her money is going for. And she’s constantly claiming to me that she’s struggling and that’s what is bothering me. You could say she doesn’t want to give me a bad example but... why lie?
Anyways thank you all so much for opening my eyes. I don’t have the right to talk to her and I’ll be working on my education. Thank you all. I am really impressed by all the comments that have been sent. Really motivational. Blessings to you all!! Happy holidays
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2018): To be sure you should talk about it and tell her you want to get one done to guage her reaction.
Are you sure she has had a boob job and not just gone out and bought a push up padded bra that sends most women up about ten times bigger and looks like the real thing?
If mums had a boob job get her to recount the tale in all its gory detail.
She will think that you are getting on fabulously.
Then drop it on her that you could use $20 and see if she reaches for her handbag!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2018): Your mother wasn't a very good mom, was she? You've been harbouring resentment for years. Because of her behaviour. And selfishness. No, you have no right to tell her how to spend her money, but you DO have a right to your feelings. They ARE legitimate. You expected so much more from your own mother and she failed you. Time and again. What would I do? Distance myself and focus on living my best life possible and being my best self.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (6 December 2018):
 Okayyyyyy
If you mother used to go on holiday and leave you behind to take care of your father and brothers why aren't you asking your father for money to live?
You have a lot to say about your mother's spending habits and how there is never any money for you but what about your father, is he still around, does he work, does he support you financially and emotionally?
I presume your mother works? Its her money, she gets to spend it, and if she wants a boob job then I guess that's how her money is going to be spent.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (6 December 2018):
 Be grateful you got $5 per month and now $20 per month - you’re an adult; you should be sharing costs, of anything, not her paying you!
You are also being selfish. You are dependent on her, so appreciate the fact you have a home. I know it’s a hard situation you’re in, but her surgery is none of your business. Get another job as soon as possible and start living independently again. Lots of people whose parents gave them more money growing up CAN’T do that because they don’t know how to live on a budget and you do.
I know it’s difficult to see when you’re in this position, but be grateful for what you have been given by your mum and work hard to give yourself better.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2018): [EDIT]:
Corrections:
"Do you share every intimate detail of your adult-life with your mother?"
"If she's willing to listen! But prepare to move-out; if you're going to shove her secret boob-job in her face!"
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2018): You're an adult, and your mother doesn't have to give you a dime. You're asking should you throw the fact she has breast implants in her face as an insult? Remind her what a lousy mom she is? While living in her house?
She's your mother. NO!!!
If she has been a selfish and neglectful mother; if you think it would be therapeutic in someway to tell her how her neglect has effected you all these years. If about that, for sure!
Mean-spirited vindictive insults will probably shutoff what little help you are getting. You don't bite the hand that feeds you, my dear! She didn't need your permission to get a boob-job! She didn't need it from anybody! That's her choice and her business! Not even her own mother has right to say anything about that! I'm sure you have decisions you've made you don't require any slack from her about!
Do you sure every intimate detail of your adult-life with your mother?
I'm not defending your mother; if she has been abusive, or neglectful of you as child growing-up. I am simply advising you that being nasty will not benefit you in any way. Going there of all places, might get you propelled out into the street! Confronting someone offering you their home is pretty sticky.
It is likely she herself grew-up with issues about her appearance. I don't need to remind you how so many women feel they have to go out of their way to meet the standards of beauty and perfection set by men and society.
She may have also had a mother who made her feel inadequate; or never gave her positive-reinforcement as a girl. She has her own personal-demons to contend with, I'm very sure. If she has hidden it from you as you claim; the last thing I think you need to do is confront her with it! Trust me!
If you need to air your feelings and shame the devil; stick to things that matter. Her boobs are her business. As for money, how about your dad? Why doesn't he get any mention in this post? He was also responsible for supporting you as a child. If your mother was able to earn money to get breast implants; it was her money to do with it as she chooses. Even if your dad chipped-in! Why did he sit around letting your mom abuse and neglect you?
We're getting a completely one-sided story here. Your dad gets a pass; and mom is getting all the torpedoes.
It seems only logical, if you want something from your parents; you'd be as nice to them as you can. Once you're over 21; you're a grown-ass woman, and you should be supporting yourself. Why should she be blamed for your financial-hardship? She's working and earning her own money. Why can't you?
Let me explain something. People your age these days have a very strange twist on logic. You also have a very over-developed sense of entitlement. Surely, if parents bring children into this world; they have a moral duty and financial-responsibility for your well-being. They are to see to your health, safety, and education. They owe you a stable home, a roof over your head, and clothes on your back. Once you are old enough to get these things on your own; they can kick you out of the nest, and wish you the best. Not let you comeback, and tell them what financial expenditures you think were unnecessary; and how you feel the money would be better spent you! That takes gall, my dear! You're a woman now; and she'll go toe to toe with you!
If you're down on your luck, and must comeback home; you're at the mercy of your parents' generosity. Seeking their charity. If she gives you only a dollar a week; you're fortunate to be there rent-free, and food in your belly.
It's apparent she thinks you shouldn't get too comfy, and realize you're not there indefinitely.
It's magnanimous of her and your father to let you move back home. She's apparently the breadwinner, or the primary breadwinner. If she takes a vacation, more power to her. You're all grown-up now.
Get some counseling. Discuss your feelings about your childhood. If she;s willing to listen; but prepare to move-out if you're going to shove her secret boob-job in her face!
She has set you an example of feminine-independence. Use that to your advantage. Meanwhile, appreciate whatever she gives you that you didn't have to go out and earn with muscle and sweat.
Apply for educational grants and scholarships. Work and save.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2018): Your mom does seem rude (making you pay for your birthday), and you don’t have to like or agree with her lifestyle...but unfortunately the way she wants to live her life is her choice. And she’s not hurting herself in a way that would need intervention.
I get where you’re coming from, the whole thing is annoying and frustrating. But you’re an adult now so you can’t expect or demand payment from her.
Everyone has their “necessities” and your mom’s is a boob job, yours is an education.
Continue to prioritize your education, get a good job, and live life the way you want. Make enough money so you can do what you want and rise above this. Be at peace by not expecting anything from your mom anymore. You’ve been burned by her, so learn from that and stop going out with her, even on your birthday, since you apparently have to pay because if her “ financial struggles.” You have financial struggles too! And guess what, you don’t owe her anything either then.
A talk with her is not worth it. You already know her well enough. She’s not going to change. She’ll keep prioritizing “boob jobs” etc as a necessity. Judge her if you want, but mainly separate yourself from it and move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2018): I don't think you can . Sweetie I feel for you and wish I could give you a hug to make you smile and feel better . I'm raising girls and they are my world to the point I go without . So I don't understand your mum . What I can say is you need to look at your own goals n life. Is college going well . What next . How do you get there . Are there grants or loans you need to cover . Can you move nearer to college
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