A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I've asked this question before and had some good responses, but I just read another reply to another post and this involved the respondent saying that "as long as she doesn't have breast implants"...in relation to her partner finding another women attractive re. breast size.I am totally confused and hurt by the way that people now respond to breast implants overall. I've never had any form of plastic surgery other than this. My implants are the smallest you can get. I have a very pronounced chest bone and naturally very small breasts. This was fine until I breast fed and, over the years, my very small breasts lost all of their elasticity and drooped, revealing very pronounced chest bones. This was totally unattractive. As well as this, the nipple was very enlarged through breast feeding and looked very unattractive stuck on small, sagging, bony breasts. Had I know that this would happen I would never, ever have breast fed, but no one at the time advised me that even small breasts can be basically ruined by doing this. I never wanted big breasts and I personally did not have breast implants in order to look bigger. I am far from being one hundred percent happy with my implants - I really don't like any fake look at all and because I am otherwise skinny, no, they don't sit completely well with me - they are not under the muscle and they look too round under my skin. However, I at least look more like my original shape and at least feel confident with my clothes on.Comments like those of the respondent's partner really upset me and knock my confidence. I was with someone for 17 years who understood why I got breast implants but I am terrified of being judged by someone new. I never expected to be in a situation where I'd have to explain to someone new why I did this.It seems like the only option I would have is to have the implants removed. Does anyone know of any reconstructive surgery for smaller breasts after implant removal ie. to make the breast tighter ? Or should I just keep my implants and hope for understanding?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2013): To be honest OP I have no concept of what it is like to have such a visible part of your body change so severely and into something that you hate to look at.
I talked further about it with my fiancée last night just to get a bit of understanding and she pretty much gave me a light bulb moment when she said to imagine if I broke my nose so severely that it was now bent completely to the left. Yeah, I would definitely have corrective surgery for that I think. I still definitely think I would be an utter tool to get it done just because I want it to look like Kim Kardahsian's or something though. But I've never had any kind of major insecurity with my body.
OP you should never feel you need to justify why you did it but in the same sense it's no big deal to explain it was a corrective operation. The last thing you want really is for it to be a touchy subject or something you're majorly insecure about as there's no real reason to be.
And you're right of course in terms of cosmetic surgery historically, it is a form of body modification and we've been sticking bits of metal through holes in our skin and cutting off the "excess" skin from baby boy's penises for millenia. I mean most American boys are circumcised for purely cosmetic/cultural reasons, although I won't delve too deeply into that minefield of a subject. Never liked piercings though either, I love tattoos and think great ones are beautiful but just think sticking a bit of metal in your lips, nose or having them hang off your ears just looks bad. At the end of the day though what people do with their bodies, for their reasons is up to them. It's all a matter of personal choice but I know I couldn't spend my life with a woman who wants to keep modifying her body with metal or surgery. That's the body I fell in love with and if ain't broke; don't fix it, is my attitude. The same as I wouldn't even consider dating a woman who thinks that boys should be circumcised.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (16 March 2013):
 I'm with Cerberus. I'm not a fan of plastic surgery because 8 out of 10 people, who have it done don't really need it, they just THINK that is how they should look according to society/media.
Seems to me that your REASONS for wanting the implants are sound. You did it for YOU, not for how media looks at boobs.
You are happy with the implants and honestly, no matter WHO you run into you might find people who LOVE plastic surgery and some who don't.
My thing is this though you don't OWE everyone and explanation as to WHY you had it done. THAT was your choice.
If someone judges you JUST because of the implants, are they really people you want to be with? or be around?
Screw them and do what makes you happy. If that means new boobs, then GO for it! (and that is said from a person who isn't a plastic surgery fan).
ENJOY your life.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2013): Thanks everyone for your answers, I really appreciate this a lot. I think part of the problem with this is that I had my daughter so very young - I'd spent a lot of my early teenage years very anxious about my boob size - like many girls of that age, it's just a normal phase I think - and then I had only just come to terms with my boobs and really started to be very happy with them.I realised they were small but very beautiful and it helped that my (then) fiancee adored women with small breasts - this literally was the first time it had dawned on me that small breasts could be lovely and that I actually preferred them - partly this was because my mother never, ever, ever discussed anything to do with growing up/female attractiveness and so on. This included never explaining to me what periods were - something that I still find unforgiveable. It has meant that it's taken me a long time to feel okay about my body, yes, so I accept there is a deeper issue in some sense. Anyway, I'd only just started to love my small boobs when I became pregnant and they started expanding - it's like I had a brief glimpse of my natural shape and ever since then it's been 'lost'. I get very sensitive about the implants because I really hate the idea of plastic surgery for myself - I don't judge other people for doing it, even if they want the fake look. But for myself I prefer to be as natural as possible. The thing that complicates this is that I really try very hard not to be judgemental towards others and it hurts me when I feel judged in return, even by a stranger.Also, Cerebrus is right - the reality is that they were effectively deformed and I just sorted it out. It may also be that a better surgeon could have made them look more natural and I'd be happier with a better result. But Cerebrus, I'm sorry to say that my original breasts sound very similar to your girlfriends - I loved them, then lost them very quickly and maybe I will always feel a bit sad about that, I dunno.The thing that I find totally interesting about plastic surgery in general is that it can be read as a form of bodily mutilation - but what's fascinating is that ancient tribes have been carrying out bodily mutilation for a very, very long time; I know we think of cosmetic surgery as 'unnatural' but it also seems to stem from this 'natural' / primitive urge to change and distort the body - the more that we seem to become 'civilised' the more that this primitive urge seems to be coming out. There is an argument that nature somehow turns on itself to become artifice. Whatever, I feel a lot better about it and thanks again for the great responses and support
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 March 2013):
 "Comments like those of the respondent's partner really upset me and knock my confidence."
Why should comments made by a stranger of an individual preference of his have any relevance whatsoever to your life and your body? You can only have your confidence knocked if you have decided that your confidence depends on the approval of others.
Newsflash: you will never ever get 100% approval of everything you do from 100% of the people in the world. It will never happen.
So, stop feeding your judgmental mind by fretting about stuff that has no bearing at all on your life. Feed the positive things.
You had an issue, you took care of it in a practical way. Awesome.
You are living in the future if you are anxious about what some hypothetical man might think of your solution. You're out ahead of yourself.
Be yourself, live in the moment, be present, be open, be loving to yourself and others.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 March 2013):
 So your query is .. what do other people think of your breasts and implants?
Answer: IT DOESN'T FRIGGING MATTER! Who cares what OTHERS think or find attractive? The point isn't for you to walk around and turn every male on and be the dream-woman in every mans fantasy.
The point of you is for YOU to like you, and when you find a partner who ALSO happens to like YOU, then that's all you need. You're never going to be attractive to ALL men. Just like you're never going to be attracted to all men you see! People have different tastes, always have, and that's the end of that.
Other peoples opinions only matter to you because you LET it hurt you. You're insecure, not sure about yourself, so you seek everyones approval. But you don't NEED anyones approval! The only opinion that matters is your own.
So this one guy didn't like implants. So what? He's not your husband. His opinion doesn't matter, he's not the love of your life, he's not someone you're trying to get together with! He's a perfect stranger, and if you knew what he looked like you probably wouldn't find him attractive yourself. So why does his opinion matter? Try to answer that please.
You said you "hope for understanding", but who's understanding is it you need? Think carefully about that. How many people wouldn't, for instance, disagree with your choice of car? Or disagree with what profession you picked, and say they would pick "anything but that"? Yet, you drive the car you drive, contrary to the opinion of tons of people, and you got the education and pursued the career you wanted... not because EVERYONE in the world told you so.. But because YOU made the decision to do so.
So what's different about your breasts? No, not everyone is going to be interested in you, regardless of whether you have implants or not. But why would you need the approval of EVERYONE? If ONE guy says he dislikes implants... then why do you care? Who's he? What importance does he have in your life? Besides, I'm pretty sure he didn't talk about YOUR breasts in particular, how could he? He hasn't seen your breasts. When a guy is thinking about implants they mostly picture the enormous over sized ones anyway.. I'm pretty sure he wasn't picturing YOUR breasts.
Sorry for the long rant, just had to make sure the message arrived.
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reader, CMMP +, writes (15 March 2013):
I'm balding but I don't let women who don't like a full head of hair bother me. It's called PERSONAL PREFERENCE. I've never had a hard time attracting women, they're just the type that don't care about that type of thing.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2013): "Comments like those of the respondent's partner really upset me and knock my confidence."
I'm the respondent whose partner said that. I'm really sorry he hurt your feelings, but he was talking more about women on t.v., porn, and a woman at his work who get obnoxiously big implants that don't go with their body type. He's not against women who get implants if they've had breast cancer, or women like you who just want their breasts to be in good shape. I asked him about this when I read your question, he basically just finds the women unattractive who get big implants because they think their own boobs are too small. He's never understood why the attitude that bigger is better.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2013): I'll be honest OP I'm very against cosmetic surgery. It's gotten to ridiculous levels now in my mind, it's a solution to everyone's warped body image issues, lipo instead of exercise because it's "too hard", lovely small boobs turned into freakshow material. It's not just a few men that don't like it OP in my experience it's most, that I've discussed the issue with, but it's not so much about how they look or feel but rather the idea that a woman with a lovely pair of natural small breasts ruined them because she wanted them bigger. It's mainly the idea of them being perfect before but some bullshit idea that bigger is better ruining them, like most women seem to think. Most of us guys detest this barbie doll image that most women think is perfection and we hate surgery on that basis. When I say most though OP I can only talk about my social group and the guys I know, I don't have friends who are the whooping, hollering in strip clubs, rugby jock types of "manly" men so I can't speak for them, they seem to love their women fake for some reason.
The thing is though we do accept it in terms of corrective surgery, breast cancer, burns etc. I find that wholly acceptable and my fiancée made a very good case as to why a woman would be born with or develop a severe deformity on their breasts naturally. I mean obviously every single woman who has it done sees their breasts as an ugly deformity beforehand, I get that but she has given me good reason to see that a lot do actually look really bad and deformed, so in that sense I feel that's acceptable.
She asked me if she got them done how would I feel, I said I'd no longer find her breasts appealing and that's the truth. But she has perfect small breasts. Sure they're slightly asymmetrical, most women's are, but they're pert, have a great nipple and are a great shape so any messing with them would actually make them worse.
If she got them because her boobs started to sag through ageing or breast feeding again I wouldn't be too happy but at the end of the day they're her breasts and it's about her being happy, I can deal with them being uglier if they make her happy. It's more important that she be happy in her own skin and I know she's not the the type to buy into the barbie doll ideal so I'd get over it. I just wouldn't really want to play with them or anything like that anymore, but I would of course still do that just to support her.
If she started getting cosmetic surgeries though because she felt she needed them to fix her confidence, the bigger is better concept or lipo because she's too lazy to work out, or my worst nightmare of her getting a labiaplasty then I don't think she'd be the woman I know anymore and I'd probably want out.
OP it sounds to me like you got corrective surgery for something that was a problem. To put it bluntly your tits got very shit and not just in your head but actually did look really bad so you improved them. You had a deformity and you had that surgically corrected.
That's fine, I wouldn't be put off by that to be honest. But yeah OP you are going to have to explain that in most cases.
OP when my preference is not to be with a woman who wants to be fake and is really unhappy with her body to the point she's obsessed with "fixing" it, who thinks being fake is the height of beauty then I am of course going to need to know if you're that type of woman. "I had to get them corrected after they became deformed through breast feeding" is far more acceptable to me than "I hated having small boobs".
OP at the end of the day though my opinion doesn't matter, only whether you think they're an improvement or not and are happy with them. If they improve your confidence OP then they've also improved your dating chances and as long as you explain that it was a correction and not to fit into some barbie doll ideal then only the most closed minded of idiots would hold that against you.
Most of all OP if they look better than what you had and make you feel happier in your own skin then there's no issue.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2013): If a comment by a faceless poster on an internet advice site can upset you and knock your confidence to the extent that you're considering surgery, there's more going on than you're letting on.It sounds like you have issues about your body and self esteem and these need to be addressed professionally. If you are unhappy with your body, you need to identify why and what you can do about it. I wouldn't consider surgery to make other people happy, but if if it would you happy then go for it. However you do have to be sure that it would make you happy.As for men, we vary in our views. You'll even find that opinions vary across national borders. Some men will find it a real turn-off, some won't notice (they're too excited by the fact that you're naked!) and even will love them. You may as well ask what the sexiest figure or hair colour is. You'll end up with different answers from different men. One thing that I find very attractive though is a woman who is comfortable in her own skin, rather than one who is hung up on what I might think.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (15 March 2013):
 There is nothing wrong with plastic surgery. If you are unhappy with the way you look and you can find a way to be happier, then that is all that matter. You will never make everyone happy, there will always be people who disapprove of your choices and your appearance, especially as a woman. It's normal to care what people think, just try to be selective about whose opinions you care about. If those who are close to you like the way you look, you shouldn't care what some random internet person thinks about you.
You will never make everyone happy. Focus on making yourself happy, then work on making the people you actually care about happy, and try to ignore all the random people out there who get pleasure from judging others. They aren't so perfect themselves, you know.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2013): You did the right thing, you improved your looks and you like it.I’m for plastic surgeries, if they are made in moderation. Seeing how nose correction completely changed my friend’s life, I’m now convinced if you can fix it, then fix it. My friend had a huge crooked nose, and finally she decided to go for a surgery. When she healed and I saw her for the first time it was a different person. Her old nose was pretty ugly on her face, and besides it no one could see her beautiful eyes and mouth.Lots of men like fake boobs, many of them don't care, and only few completely dislike them. I happen to have very nice breasts, I nursed for 2 years, and they dropped slightly but still round and full. Nothing happened to my nipple also. Now when I got a little older they stared sagging just a little more and lately I started saying to my husband that may be in a future when they drop to my waists I'll go get that surgery. He madly objects. I’m not even sure I’m joking, you never know.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2013): yikes! If you had known what breast feeding would have done you wouldn't have breast fed? I am no advocate for breast feeding, doesn't matter one way or another to me, but when you put a cosmetic, superficial, allowing society to decide what your body "should" look like, over breast feeding, which is what a women's breasts were and are intended for...something has gone terribly wrong here.Anyway, if ANY man has an issue with your breasts and there is any critizing whatsoever, and you feel you have to defend your choice/s, move on...those are not the right men for you. Seriously.Unfortunately, the big boob implant trend really got out of hand for a while... and for those who did it for reasons other than to get more pathetic male attention, they get lumped all together. Fortunately, that trend is dying down and for the exception of the porn industry, pretend fitness models and trash magazines, etc, that's a really good thing. There is nothing you can do about all of that...all you can do is believe in yourself and be comfortable with your reasons and not put any more energy into what you think someone else might say. You are your own person.I am seriously thinking about getting implants myself. It will have to be a lift as well and my reason is because about 6 years ago I lost about 45 pounds, got in great shape, but unfortunately I was left with deflated cucumbers as breasts because of it. I did lose some shape from breast feeding too, but this was primarily from exercise, weight loss and age. I want to do it for me, I want to do it so I can wear a bathing suit and a bra that everything will stay in, I have no desire to impress anyone or increase the size, it's all about me. I don't care what anyone thinks, unless they express an opinion about paying for it lol :-)
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reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 March 2013):
 I get what you are asking... you are asking about the type of surgery I had it is called a MASTOPEXY or breast lift.
I nursed my babies for years... then I gained a lot of weight and finally lost it and I had two sacks hanging on my chest.
I was a 48DDD at my heaviest. After I lost weight and before I had surgery I was a 36D..... all skin. I had to roll my boobs up into my bra.
I had a breast lift (mastopexy) and a tummy tuck (worst pain from surgery EVER) and I lost 5 pounds of skin between both... I went from a 36 extra long D to a cute and perky and scant 34B.... and I loved them.
now 18 months and 25 pounds later (I gained a bit of weight back but I'm still within normal parameters) I'm a full 36C cup. they sag a bit now and there are no "pillows" on the tops without a bra as is NORMAL. The breast cleavage is from the bra according to my reconstructive plastic surgeon.
I specifically chose a doctor who was not a "mommy makeover" surgeon and I was exceptionally pleased with him as his goal was to make me like my body again not look like some barbie doll.
OP please feel free to contact me privately via PM if you wish to talk more about this in private having BTDT I get your feelings
there are men out there that don't mind implants. YOU have to do what makes YOU happy.
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (15 March 2013):
 At the end of the day you shouldnt be so concerned with what other people think! You have very valid reasons for getting implants, its not like you wanted giant fake looking breasts, you simply wanted to feel better about yourself and went for the most natural looking implants you could find.
So you have good reasons for getting your implants, and you are happier with your body now - so (excuse my french) f**k everyone else and enjoy life. If we all went around worrying about our life choices just because someone out there in the world doesnt agree, well we'd all be nervous wrecks who never leave the house! I mean for example, I eat meat and I love eating meat, but should I feel bad about it because some people are vegetarians and think that no-one should eat meat? Should I feel bad because I drive a car and cars emit toxins into the atmosphere, and some people only ride a bike because they are eco-friendly and think that no-one should drive cars anymore to save the planet?
I know those examples are very different to what you are going through, but hopefully it illustrates my point - there will always be people who are negative about other people's life choices. So if we all worried about what other people think, we'd all be a mess.
If you are happy then that is all that matters. You got the implants for yourself, to feel better about your body - you didnt get them to impress anyone else, you didnt get them to draw attention to yourself, so as long as you are happy with your choice then stand by it and be proud of it.
If you meet a new partner who wants you to justify your choices, then he is not worthy of being with you and get rid of him. End of story. It is your body, your choice - no-one else should ask you to justify why you have made a choice. I'm sure most men would be completely understanding to be honest, and the kind of men that do judge women purely on their body parts are just jerks who have nothing better to do with their lives than perve on women. They are shallow, narrow minded and egotistical - not even worth letting them get to you.
Be happy with your choice, be happy with your body and enjoy your life - forget about the rest of the world and only worry about the 1 opinion that counts: your OWN opinion.
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (15 March 2013):
Wait wait wait. This whole trail of thought was brought on by one comment?
Then what you need is counselling to help you get more self confidence, because one comment by a user you don't know should not send you over the edge.
Also, you have to understand that most people getting judged for having breast implants are the girls/women who have nice breasts naturally but simply got them to get bigger (sometimes almost cartoonish looking) breasts because of some vanity standard. It's people who don't need them to look good that get judged. Like that Barbie woman on doctor phil who wants to go drom DD to Z. Porn stars. 17 year old girls who get breast surgery as a b-day present. Etc.
You got them because you felt your breasts looked bad and you kept the size proportionate to your body. Why would you get judged by that? Also, good breast implants look and feel very real. If you feel yours are too fake looking, you may look for options to make it more real (like getting them placed under the muscle), but always make sure you get the right surgeon. If you are content enough with them, leave them alone.
Look, you're under no obligation to explain anything to anyone. When you make a decision, stand by it. It's your body and if someone isn't able to appreciate you, then they're not right for you. Simple as that. When it comes to your body, do what feels right for YOU, not for someone you don't even know. You have to live in your body, so the most important thing is that you're pleased with it.
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reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 March 2013):
 As far as I know, mastopessy ( breast lifting and breast skin tightening ) can also be performed without any protesis , as strange as it sounds, not everybody wants bigger breasts,they may just want firmer ones. But , for this you need to consult a good plastic surgeon and see what your options are.
What you can do in the meantime, it is to come to terms with the fact that you can't please thhem all, and you don't have to. You don't have to explain, defend, justify nor ask for "understanding ". The important thing is that you choose what feels good for you and your body, and accept that other individuals may not be crazy about your choices , and that's their right, - and their problem.
You REALLY can't please them all . Some men dislike breast implants, some hate extensions or make up. Or even reading glasses. What would you do if you were short sighted and could not wear contacts, would you go around beating your ( bony:) chest and explaining everybody that you are so sorry but you've tried contacts and it's not your fault but really, really you don't tolerate them etc.etc ? Some men won't " forgive " ten pounds of overweight, for others it will be a total non-issue. Etc.etc.
I have no idea of how many men in percentage are accepting of breast implants , I'd say quite a lot, seen the quantities of fake breasts there are in circulation.
But, even if they were a minority, your goal should NOT be to convince them that you have a good reason to sport implants, or that implants look good; it would be to find a man that does not judge your personality, character, appeal and desirability as a partner only and strictly based on your boobs , real or fake that they may be.
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