A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Recently, I was on my husband and I'd ipad, and I noticed that his text messages were syncing with his phone under Messenger. I went to look at them, and noticed that his ex-wife sent him a few texts. Nothing was sexual or suggestive, but I could tell that there was other dialog beyond the few texts. The next day, my husband asked if I could text his brother about something, and I went to his text messages and noticed his ex-wife's text stream was not in there; he had deleted it. I know that in the past he occasionally had to talk to his ex wife because they used to work together in the same office, but she left that company almost a year ago. Why would he be deleting his text messages? On a side note, I'm pregnant with our first child. My husband and I used to be very active together, but we haven't since the pregnancy has progressed. He's been doing a lot of activities without me, like yoga for example. Since I found these texts, I Facebook stalked his ex-wife and noticed that she's been going to his yoga studio, which is 40 min away from where she lives. I know I have a lot of hormones going on with the pregnancy, but I'm getting really worked up about this. Should I be, or am I over-reacting?
View related questions:
ex-wife, facebook, his ex, stalking, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2013): He may just be deleting them because he doesn't like seeing them on his phone. That is what I do with messages from my ex. Some people only keep the ones from people they want on there. Especially if he receives many texts, cos space fills up quick.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2013): Your suspicions are based on some, but mild,evidence. It's totally convenient that he is "deleting" messages to/from his ex-wife. If they were appropriate, he'd have no reason to delete them. As for yoga classes together, when she lives 40 minutes away? Really??? She couldn't find a yoga class closer to where she lives, and it just had to be the same as your husband's? That's no coincidence. It isn't necessarily his fault. Give him some benefit of the doubt.Lot's of people maintain friendly ties with their ex-spouses. It's healthy, especially when there are children from the prior marriage. However; in your condition, he should be sure that you are feeling safe and secure AT ALL TIMES. Ask that he keep all communications with his ex-wife out in the open. If they are innocent, there is no reason to hide them from you.You first of all have to come clean about the snooping. Justify your insecurities with only the facts. Your limited sex as your pregnancy progresses. The deleted messages, and a little more contact with his ex- than you feel comfortable with. YOU are wife number one. YOUR FEELINGS COME FIRST. YOU are the mother of his unborn child.In your present condition, you shouldn't spend a lot of time stalking through your husband's messages. It is true that your hormones will make you hyper-sensitive; which is the reason why you need to limit the anxiety over his continued communications with his ex-wife. The subject matter may be benign, and you may be over-reacting to some degree. My suggestion is that you both go from yoga to Lamaze classes. You need to step up your activities together. This will ease anxieties. If Ms. Ex is up to no good, she'll expose herself by going out of her way to try and pull him back. She IS taking advantage of the situation, your suspicions aren't totally unfounded. Your husband owes it to you to man-up. He has some explaining to do, and you have a right to know what's going on. If he avoids an explanation, or down-plays your suspicions; then express your feelings about it. Let him know there will be consequences if he doesn't take you seriously. This is a marriage issue that needs attention. I think it will all work out. I feel a bit uneasy about the snooping. I don't think you really trust your husband, and I think your lack of trust will cause as much damage as his excessive attention to his ex-wife. You two need to sit down and talk this out.
...............................
A
female
reader, sarcy24  +, writes (15 March 2013):
 I personally wouldn't be at all comfortable with this. A 40 min drive seems quite a long way to to to Yoga unless she really loved the studio. However, I myself drive 30 mins to pilates because I enjoy the instructor so there could be nothing in it. I would talk to your husband and explain that you don't feel comfortable with the situation or the tex messagaging and see what he comes back with. I imagine he deleted the texts because they meant nothing to him or because he thought you might be upset with the contact. I don't think for one minute that anything is going on but I would not like this happening in the background so I feel you need to sit him down and ask him about it and then depending upon his answers take it from there.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2013): I'd be worried, why delete the text messages if you haven't anything to hide?
I have been in the same boat and he was cheating on me so can only tell you from my experience, but as in life, they are ex's for a reason, sit down and speak to him; maybe hormones are to blame for you suspisions!
Good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 March 2013):
 If I base your question on how I live MY life, I think you are over-reacting.
I text with my ex husband and sometimes I delete the text thread but only because they get long, not because I'm hiding anything.
I have lunch with my ex husband occasionally. I tell my current spouse about it and it's not a big deal for us.
I do wonder about going to a yoga studio 40 minutes away from home unless it's closer to work.... Folks tend to go to exercise more if it's near home or work. Are you implying he is meeting her for yoga and hanky panky?
...............................
|
