A
male
age
41-50,
*obbyC
writes:I'm not a tough guy type. I always tried to be nice and gentle. When we have sex, I always ask my wife if she is comfortable, or if there is anything she wants, during sex. She used to love me like this, but not anymore!She says I care too much and it ruins the mood.She wants me to be tough and dominating. She says she wants to feel like she is being used. She says I should not ask for permission and go for what I want without telling her.So, Ladies, please help me. What do you expect or enjoy in tough sex? How should I please her? Thank you. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (2 February 2012):
 Just seen your follow up.. the things I wrote before are low level, for men who are gentle and may be uncomfortable with rough play.
The aunts have given you good advice about going a bit rougher (or alpha) Alpha means a dominant guy who has the ability to take what he wants in a way that makes a woman want it too. It can make sex very explosive.
I suggest you pick up one of them romance/erotic novels that we women love. They always have the perfect alpha man, and no, he never ever asks about anything.
Voice is very important here... man demands, man tells, man never asks and woman is supposed to just say yes. Again very difficult, because at the same time he's supposed to know what turns her on and her deepest fantasy and desire. That's why them books are very helpful but you can also ask her what sex things she'd like to try, wait a while (like about a month, so she'll forget and it's surprise her)
Hair pulling, spanking.. some women like it, some women don't.. being grabbed outside the bedroom, some women like it, some women don't... same goes for being tied up.. that's why you really do need some idea about what she feels is sexy. There is also delayed orgasm.. she can't have an orgasm until you tell her....
Lots of little ideas in this post, but it's hard to know which one she will like best. Doggy style is very good, most women like it (except for a few who find the penis goes to deep) It's a position of submission, so it definitely should work for her.
Think of all the macho men you've seen in the movies, should give you the kind of idea of where she wants to go with this thing.
Again.. have fun and good luck :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2012): She wants you to give it to her sweetly, long and hard. Don't ask her what she wants you've been together 10 years so by now you know her well. She wants you to take her and take control of things you wouldn't hurt her and she needs to be taken with careless 'abandon' by you
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (2 February 2012):
Always asking for permission, always seeing if she's enjoying herself, can spoil the mood and make it seem planned and calculated instead of spontanous.
This is difficult, because sex is never simple, if you don't consider her feelings then your abusive, but if you consider them too much your borring... She just wants something in between.
mmmm... Don't talk, that might help. Use your eyes, ears, smell and touch to figure out if she's excited or if she's upset. Talking isn't needed, you need to develop your sense of awareness, and being able to predict what she wants. If she tells you all the time, then she might as well have sex with herself because there is no sense of anticipation (she tells you what to do) there's no sense of danger (it's like you've told her the answer to the puzzle but she still has to go through the motions) So no talking
Little tricks to spice up things, that I think will be easy for you.
1. Blindfold her, then make love to her (no talking)
2. Blindfold her, then make love to her (you can talk this time, and tell her what your doing before your going to do it - notice I say tell, not ask)
3. Make her wait for pleasure... you tell her what she must do to make you arroused and horny, you are in command and she must follow... Then when she's driving you crazy, then you have sex and give her pleasure
4. Her turn, and you get to wait for pleasure, whilst you try and drive her wild.
See, you don't have to go all macho or turn some sex beast. But just bring back some surprise, excitement and a little danger to keep her wondering about what happens next.
To put your mind at ease, before you have sex you get her agreement that she will tell you if she doesn't like anything or you are hurting her.. then you don't need to keep asking, you can assume that your doing good if she says nothing and doesn't push you away.
How does this sound... I suggest if your gonna try the sex games I mentioned, don't tell her first, just surprise her.
AND HAVE FUN!!!!! IT'S NOT AN EXAM THAT YOU WILL GET PUNISHED FOR.
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A
female
reader, Eyespy17  +, writes (2 February 2012):
Alpha means dominate and in charge. In control. It means you are strong and just make love to me. F@ck me really. Like in the movies. Passionate. Uncontrolled. Grab her and tell her you just want to feel yourself inside her. Passion!
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A
male
reader, BobbyC +, writes (1 February 2012):
BobbyC is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust to make things clearer:
- I don't know what "alpha" means. I didn't choose that title.
- I understand that younger women like lover to be nice and caring. My wife used to be the same. But now we are in our mid 30's and are married for 10 years. I guess she trusts me enough to ask me to move to the next level, and turn her hidden fantasies true.
-I was hoping to receive ideas from ladies at the same age or with the same needs. I have some ideas of my own, but need to align them with female mentality.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (1 February 2012):
 It's not about not being nice, or being a jerk or whatever.
It's about occasionally being dominant sexually. And that's much simpler than it sounds.
Just wait until you're feeling turned on. Approach your wife and grab her. Then do exactly what you want, get her to do exactly what you want. No need to be rough or aggressive: just be firm and clear. Have her please you in exactly the way you feel like at that moment. It's really that simple. And you'll be surprised about how much pleasure that gives her.
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A
female
reader, adamantine +, writes (1 February 2012):
 I wouldn't try and be a jerk to her like one of the other aunts said. For me, I wouldn't like it if my boyfriend did that.
What I would do though, is talk about what she wants from your sex life, but don't talk about it right before sex. It needs to be discussed outside the bedroom. You both actually should discuss what each of you would be open to trying, just so that there is mutual understanding and so you're both on the same page when it comes to sex.
It's not very nice to go into the bedroom and have your partner do something to you which was not discussed prior. I personally don't like surprises like that. I like to know that I'm in a safe and loving environment, while still being able to have a thrilling time with my man.
If you're just starting out, I'd say some good positions for dominance, would either be doggy style, or with the man on top with the woman underneath but lying on her tummy. This gives you the ability to hold her down and restrain her, which she might enjoy (ask her first though :P). From behind, you can also spank her or bite her. Maybe pull her hair a little. Some women even like to be slightly choked but that makes me very uncomfortable and anxious, so I made it clear to my boyfriend to never grab my throat with his hands.
I like to be dominated. I like to feel wanted. I love knowing that I turn my man on so much that he just can't keep his hands off me and has to have his way with me (which I *always* let him because I love it).
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2012): It's great that she told you this much! Most women do not. They expect men to be mindreaders.Now ask her what exactly she has in mind.
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A
female
reader, Eyespy17 +, writes (1 February 2012):
Sometimes women want to feel like we drive our men wild. That they are overcome with passion and can't help themselves. Asking questions ruins that spontaneous feeling and animalistic quality. Just go for it! Start kissing her and taking her clothes off and don't stop until she is panting with delight.
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