A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Seven months ago, on a dating site ,I met American girl who was 16 years olders than me , means she was 46 and I was 30 then. In just matter of two months , she came to Pakistan and married me. Honestly speaking, she was doing all that too quickly but anyway we got married . During Honeymoon, the sex was not that great since I was virgin and also stressed out how to get a attorney for marriage and the compelete all the papers work before she left. Still, we had great time together. As soon as , she went back to US, she filed spouse visa petition for me. for next few weeks, we would have online sex on skype but then it stopped as she said that because of her age her desire for sex is not that intensive but during honeymoon, she wanted it more. Anyway, despite that she was nice and had every thing going perfect. She would call me the most sweetest man on earth. But sometime I would notice that she would not like me kissing her on the phone and called me little amature when it comes to sex. She once said that I'm little cheesy . Ten days ago, she scolded me during phone conversation saying why I said Sweety, Sweety all the time during conversation . After two days of that incident, she readded her ex-boyfriend who she had deleted before married me. Then I asked her that there was no need for deleting him even if relationship ended as it sounds little rude . Now 8 days ago, she readded him on his birthday. She would complain that he didn't treat her well and didn't divorce his wife for her saying he had daughter and can't leave her and that's how the relationship ended . I ask her that why you added him when he treated you so bad and why you needed to delete him at the first place when I was fine with him being on your facebook. I said to her that , you will struggle to move with me if you keep on looking back into past. When she was deleting him, she was saying he is bad guy and now she said he is a nice guy and I added him on birthday to wish him birthday. Anyway, after having little argument, that day ended well but next day her mood was not good and ended the call without saying a goodbye....I called her several times but she didn't answer and would let the call go to voicemail . After 8 hours when she pickup my called , she said that she was sick of me and wanted divorce which broke like hell and my entire family started crying as they loved like their daughter and sister. She is already divorce twice . My question if she had to wait for just little argument to break the marriage? Why she rushed into my marriage and why filed pettition for me? When I asked to live with me in Pakistan, she said this is impossible, when I say we would live in US, she would suspect me being done this for greencard. Now she has deleted from facebook and asking me to sign divorce paper in return of just $ 1,000. My family prestigious as at stake and also mine our town and people would make fun of us if they come to know as wife leaving you like this a big disgrace for man in our society . Yes, she also done many things for us but she even doesn't care that my old mom and dad lover like daughter and they can't sleep at night. Don't you think she could have been used me as love rebound to get her ex-boyfriend? Or she is too used to living alone ? What I should do now? My family says I shouldn't wait for a while and even I get ready for divorce, I should demand big money to make her pay for playing with our prestige and feelings. What I should do know? Should I leave her for a while and contact her later? Also her parents and younger sister was against this marriage, And for the last one month, she visits her sister and mom a lot, don't think they could have made her mind change? She says we had age difference , but the age difference was there when she was rushing into getting married. I would truly appreciate if you guys could guide me what to do next. Thank you all in advance.
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divorce, facebook, her ex, kissing, money Reply to this Question
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female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (20 February 2013):
this woman sounds very immature for her age and childish, even. someone from western culture should not marry someone they only have met once or a few times, we do not do this and therefore we do not know how to handle a marriage which is very similar to an arranged marriage (similar because you did not have time to get to know one another before marrying) I would advise you divorce her and move on. forget the money, you have your pride without taking money from her, and you can meet someone who you can have a happy life with. I dont know what this woman was thinking when she went to Pakistan but she obviously didnt think things through, neither of you did but particularly her as she surely knew that either you would have to come to live in America or she would have to come to live in Pakistan.lastly and very importantly, I just want to say that most people in Western countries are not like her, and I hope this does not colour you or your familys opinions of us. good luck
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (7 February 2013):
 with such a short marriage (which you both made a bad choice and rushed into this) can you get an annulment?
that would mean the marriage legally never took place....
would that be better?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2013): I'm the same guy who posted this . I'm not saying that I was angel and I didn't make mistake but even when had argument here and there, we didn't use stupid words for each other and most of the time we were happy and she also gifted me many things and I always feel that relationship is just like book which shouldn't be thrown away just because of one bad page inside book. I truely love her and want her to give a serious consideration to her decision . Age difference was there when we were getting married, so it shouldn't be an issue .
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A
female
reader, Kindpigeonette  +, writes (7 February 2013):
Wow...I'm so sorry you are going through that. Her behavior is shocking and uncalled for. Sure, you should have been more careful bases on AMERICAN culture, but I have no idea how it is in Pakistan. At 46, her behavior is very immature and I think all of your suspicions were right. She is probably one of those uncultured women who thinks that men in other countries are all poor and starving since she thinks $1000 is all you want. I would take her to court for defamation of character and trickery. I think even in American culture it is also shameful to get divorced so suddenly, however, this is NOT your fault. Unfortunately one of the problems with divorce is that despite the reasoning sometimes (like in this case) being more one person's fault, both ppl receive the same title as a divorcee. With that said, it is clear you are a man of good character, so I hope you can find a new wife who is actually respectable. The women who turn you down because of what happpened are not women you want to be with anyway. I think staying with such a selfish woman is a horrible decision, but you should definitely take her to court otherwise. Her ex would have to be a real loser to take her back after she used another human being like an object. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (6 February 2013):
You are accusing her of this and that and she seems to be guilty but you are just as guilty as her. If you had used common sense and some good judgment then you wouldn't be having this problem.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2013): Very simple, sign the divorce papers and don't collect any money from her.Let her go.You know, most relationship where the female is older than the male. It doesn't end well
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A
male
reader, Hnk  +, writes (6 February 2013):
 Read your message mate. Firstly sorry for your situation and I hope things turn out better. Well there is difference in culture where you live and in the west. Firstly you must understand the mindset is very different than of someone who have lived in America or the UK. it is mainly due to culture which changes how people channel their opinions, thoughts and what they find important in their life. I think the woman you married was looking for some support and wanted to settle quickly only to realise your mindsets don't match at all. Her priorities in life were different than yours and when you both finally came out of LDR situation, you got to know each other better in person. Once knowing you well, she supposed not to like your habits and thought of you as immature as she might had thought of a different qualities in a man accordingly to where she lives. thus your mindset didn't click in her opinion as she wanted only due to your difference in cultures. So this, together with her family constant coaxing changed her mind to let go of you. the boyfriend might had patched up things with her and she started feeling you as an extra load and thus wants to get rid of you quickly. what you can do is get rid of her as soon as possible. I am not sure about rules about divorce and how you can sue for money. Moreover, the truth is when anyone who loves you for who you are, they find reasons to be with you regardless of the situation. Culture or anything is not an excuse and I just gave you an insight of what might have happened. or it could simply be she had to claim something from insurance or any policy where she was at advantage to be married. she filed papers for her cause and after her deed has been done, she might finds you useless.
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (6 February 2013):
 If she wants a divorce I'm afraid there's not much you can do. I'm not sure why you decided to marry in the first place. The fact she's already been divorced twice is a big RED FLAG.
"As soon as she went back to US, she filed spouse visa petition for me. for next few weeks... she said that because of her age her desire for sex is not that intensive but during honeymoon, she wanted it more. Anyway, despite that she was nice and had every thing going perfect."
Another RED FLAG here. Because of her age she doesn't want to have sex with the man she loves and married? I think you need to wake up! If she loved you and wanted to be with you she'd want to have sex with you regardless of her age. 46 isn't old. However, you say "despite that she was nice and everything going perfect"!? What planet are you on? Things are FAR from perfect here. She has lost interest in you. She might not even have had any interest in you right from the start.
"She would call me the most sweetest man on earth. But sometime I would notice that she would not like me kissing her on the phone. She once said that I'm little cheesy . Ten days ago, she scolded me during phone conversation saying why I said Sweety, Sweety all the time during conversation."
You are out. She is not interested in you at all. She added her ex-boyfriend because she wants him back. She's a loser. Why would you want to be with a woman like this?
"She says we had age difference , but the age difference was there when she was rushing into getting married."
Yes, you're right. It doesn't make sense does it? She's giving you excuses because she wants out and doesn't know what to say. What she's doing here is trying to let you down gently. You can't rescue this relationship.
I'm afraid you'll have to give her the divorce and get rid. Forget the $1,000. Next time you meet a girl DO NOT RUSH into marriage until you know here better. The fact your family were against it from the start was also a RED FLAG.
Take my advice and MOVE ON.
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