A
female
age
36-40,
*atiey
writes:I don't even know where to start with this be here goes.So I have been in a 3 and half yeah relationship with my boyfriend. He cheated on me but we decided to move on together and move past the situation. We have gone on to have a little boy and get our first home together.But lately I feel negatively towards him, I have started to hate him goes his cheating. I hate that I have to do everything for him I cook clean and he just slobs around when he comes in from work. Ok that's fair he can relax I'm not saying that but I've usually had a long day also. He leaves his clothes everywhere and leaves wet towels on the furniture. Is this a man thing or am I just nit picking.I don't think he takes care of himself and he had the audacity to tell me a few years after he cheated that the other girl looked after herself more than me. But he's the same I'm not a girly girl but I do look after my appearance.I feel like I'm his mom not his girlfriend doing everything for him. I have two children rather than one. I love him but I don't think I'm in love with him. I don't even know what I am holding onto because he feels like a roommate. We barely have sex now because I avoid it because he just doesn't do it for me. I hate saying all of this but I don't know how to approach the situation.I don't want to cheat on him I don't even want anyone else I just want someone who appreciates me. He doesn't respect our home.Someone help please I'm in need of some advice thanks x
View related questions:
cheated on me, move on, roommate Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (7 February 2013):
 Katiey: In your follow-up, you write: "So I did if I kick him out he has no one he's cut his family off and if feel bad for kicking him into the street."
You are NOT RESPONSIBLE for this person who is - by the numbers - an ADULT!!!! IF he has problems following your's and his break-up, then that is HIS problem. DO NOT be "blackmailed" by his state-of-affairs. YOU can and should go on with your life.... and LEAVE HIM in your rear-view mirror. It may sound cold and heartless... but THAT IS THE REAL WORLD.... and this guy MUST learn to live in it (the real world).....
You can't "save" everybody....
Good luck.....
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (6 February 2013):
It can be hard to leave someone, especially if you have a child together. But I'm not seeing any reason for you not to just push through it. His welfare is his responsibility, so don't let that hold you back.
He'll probably beg for you to not leave him and make promises, but you need to ignore them ad there are too many promises he'd have to make, not to mention actually permanently follow through with.
...............................
A
female
reader, Katiey +, writes (6 February 2013):
Katiey is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your honesty everyone
I don't know what I'm clinging on too, I'm scared to leave and I don't know why we did break up but he begged for me to take him back.
So I did if I kick him out he has no one he's cut his family off and if feel bad for kicking him into the street.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (6 February 2013):
So... you've outlined for us that MANY reasons why you should part ways with this man-child..... Please give us a follow up letting us know when you are actually going to do it (dump his sorry bottom!)......
Good luck....
...............................
A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (6 February 2013):
 This one is simple. You cannot move past his cheating. Without trust there is no relationship at all. All relationships need trust. Think about it.
This relationship is over. It's a matter of time and the sooner you realise this and move on the better.
"I feel like I'm his mom not his girlfriend doing everything for him."
You've already got 2 kids. You want your boyfriend to be another kid too? Your boyfriend should be your MAN not your son. The fact he feels like a roommate says it all.
Here's how you approach the situation. "I've tried to work thing out but my feelings have changed and I'm no longer in love with you. I feel like I'm your mum. I already have two kids to look after and I'm not looking for another one. To me you feel more like a roommate... I think we need to call it a day and move on".
Just tell him how you feel and end it. Find someone who can give you what you want (i.e. a MAN who treats you like his girlfriend and not his mum).
If you don't, the resentment will simply build up to the point you hate him and you'll dump him anyway. It's just a mater of time. Best get it done in my opinion.
...............................
A
male
reader, fzald +, writes (6 February 2013):
The problems you describe are actually somewhat common (sadly). A lot of guys seem to still be stuck in the past, back in a time where the guy worked all day while the girl was a housewife, and thus the guy would come home and expect to be taken care of because he "Worked so hard today." He doesn't seem to be showing a lot of concern for your feelings, which is a key part of any serious intimate relationship. Even if he cheated once and it was an honest mistake, he's not showing that he's trying hard to make things work with you.I think you need to have a serious talk with him. Ask for his full, complete attention and tell him that you are unhappy and why. Explain it how you did on here. When you do this, try really hard to not sound accusatory, and also don't sound pathetic. Don't start rambling off a list of everything he does wrong, and don't start wailing about how you're SOOOO unhappy because of him and his actions. Instead just tell him that you're feeling distance between you two and that you want to address the problems together. The point of this conversation is to work towards fixing issues, not to just complain about them.Do be willing to listen to him as well. He might get defensive and rude in which case you shouldn't have to listen, but if he starts explaining how he feels, take the time to seriously listen and understand his side. You have a child and a home together, so that would complicate a breakup. I also am one who tends to use a breakup as a last resort when giving advice. Any relationship where there's a chance to save it deserves that chance to me.If you can't work it out together and just end up fighting, you may need to think about couples counseling or some similar service. Unless you do have evidence, though, try not to let his past cheating get into the mix at this point. From what you said it sounds like it was a while ago. If he hasn't done any more cheating, holding that past event against him will only make him angrier and more defensive. Leave that out of the mix. All you're going to do is address the issues you two have at this particular point in time.And also, do not cheat yourself. This would only make all of the problems worse. I really do wish you best of luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (6 February 2013):
I do understand how difficult is must be for you right now.It is never easy to forgive CHEATING and unless the trust is built up again there is problems and trust takes time .You have 2 children and all the housekeeping to deal with and this is a 24 hour job on top of putting up with ur partners untidy habits. At this stage i would suggest that you both could consider going to a counsellor for help . Best of Luck Nora B.
...............................
A
female
reader, Pr3tty_in_pink86 +, writes (6 February 2013):
"I don't think he takes care of himself and he had the audacity to tell me a few years after he cheated that the other girl looked after herself more than me. But he's the same I'm not a girly girl but I do look after my appearance."
I would of ran a mile after that if I hadn't of run a mile because he cheated. I think he's walking all over you. You forgave him for cheating, he is taking advantage of you.
...............................
A
female
reader, catcher00 +, writes (6 February 2013):
What you have described epitomizes the downfall of the modern woman. The relationship you are settling for is very common. He expects more of you than you do of him . He expects you to be in better shape than him. Not only did he cheat, but he made excuses for HIS mistake, tried to at least partially blame you, AND manage to make you feel even crappier about yourself by telling you what he liked better about her than you. This was an extremely manipulative strategy on his part and it worked bc you're still there. Even after that humiliation, you sold yourself short by having a child with him out of wedlock. Do you ever wonder why he wont go the distance in your relationship? May be worth thinking about. Seems this rlshp is just a matter of convenience for him. He got someone to have his kid, do his laundry, cook, clean and usually provide regular sex... while knowing he can cheat and slack off on his own appearance without consequence. If I were you I'd find a more mutually beneficial relationship. Good luck.
...............................
|
