A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:So I've been best friends with a woman for 15 years. The first 5 we were inseperable. We met husbands around the same time 5 years later but after the birth of my son, she dropped me. I called and left messages but never heard from her again for 5 years. It broke my heart but I was busy with a new baby so it took my mind off of it. Then when my son was five she contacted me. She said she had been going through "stuff" so I never questioned it thinking that as she didn't have kids maybe she couldn't cope with seeing me with a baby and I forgave her no questions asked. Even though during those years I went through post partum depression, my marriage deteriorated after the birth of our son and my son had a disability which was extremely painful to go through, so I went through a lot of "stuff" too. But she became a good friend really spending a lot of time with us and being godmother to my son eventually. The problems arose when i mended my marriage. A year ago I almost left my husband and he decided to change to not lose me and it will be a year next month that we are happy. Lots of work and communication and respect turned it around and were really in a good place. He treats me like gold now all the time instead of sporadically like he used to as he was extremely overworked and exhausted before. We are always planning nice holidays and things. Well my best friend started acting funny the moment we mended our marriage. She flirted with him a lot, prancing around our pool in a bikini, she would make him uncomfortable with it, she would complain her husband was boring and not chatty like mine, she would tell me mine was nicer and she started being interested in his interests like basketball and wanted to sit with him and watch the games when she is a girly girl like me. Finally when he showed no interest she seemed to get angry. Refused to visit anymore when she used to live at my house. Said we needed to meet halfway at a restaurant. Would cancel plans all the time last minute, put me down or made me feel bad. Like I told her I lost weight from swimming and she said be careful it's not cancer or after we had our pool put in she said her gym has a bigger one and she doesn't have to maintain it or I would tell her I wished my town had a Starbucks and she would email me every time she went to Starbucks...I could go on and on but there were lots of petty stuff like that. Then this month she just stopped calling. I called and left her messages asking her to call. Saying I hadn't herd from her for ages and I missed her and nothing. It's been a couple months now and I have a feeling I will never hear from her again. But this time it hurts because she was my child's godmother. I feel really let down. Do you think it's because she liked my husband or because we are finally happy after years of a rocky marriage? I didn't stop wanting to spend time with her ever. I would have been there for her whenever she needed me. Should I try her again or let it go? And if I ever hear from her again do I take her back? Cheers
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJonas, yes that is the sad part, when she wasn't competing and when I was down, I did think she was a close friend. Even like a sister. And I started believing that I could trust her and that she would be around all my life. I'm sure she did feel inferior but she often acted superior. Like if the person wasn't attractive she wouldn't give them the time of day. Also i introduced her to my sons tutor who ended up becoming a close friend and she refused to talk to her as she was hired help. Thanks everyone, venting all this has been super healing. When I wrote the question I felt sad at the loss, now I don't. She didn't deserve our friendship...
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes that is her to a t. It was always tit for tat. Like with the pool we put in, it was like she searched the city to find a kidney shaped salt water pool like the one we put in our yard and lucked out because it was only 1/2 hour from her house and told me with glee it was bigger then mine, required zero maintenance and was only 40$ per month but then of course she never went. She also was pissed because I lost weight this year. I think because she had the better figure but I had the nicer face and that was fine (hence the prancing round the pool on one of the only 2 visits she had after we got it) and when I lost the weight she was visibly upset because the playing field was no longer even. She started talking about having plastic surgery and went to see a guy. Of course she doesn't have the money to do it but she told me all the work she planned to have one day.
Plus I think she resented my husband earned more than hers because she would talk about it a lot and what her husbands financial goals were. She would compete with clothes and decor but the weirdest thing is if I brought up my son or my dog she immediately brought up her niece. Once in a while that would be fine but every time like clockwork she would talk as though it was a comparison. I'd laugh that my dog rolled over and she'd say "my niece did this or that last week" and she only saw her once a week. A small part of me thinks she dumped me because she didn't like losing the competition we were in that I did not sign up for. And she wasn't able to steal it either. Your friend story is nuts though. It's amazing she's not embarassed she behaved that way. Good riddance to bad rubbish but it's funny how nice they can be when you are down.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2013): I had a friend at school who was an amazing friend when she thought her life was better than mine or if we were about even, but the minute she thought I had something she didn't (relationship, job etc) she would disappear for months. It got to the point where we hadn't spoken for a couple of years and she called me out of the blue to tell me she had passed her driving test. I told her I'd passed mine the previous year and she hung up the phone without another word (I kid you not!) Until then I'd always felt bad that we'd lost touch, but after that I realised she was using me as some sort of measuring stick for her own life. That's the last I've ever spoken to her and all I regret is how much time I wasted bothering about her in the past. Life is too short to put up with that nonsense!
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes you were right on all counts. She said hers was a sexless marriage and her husband had a gambling problem early on. I also know he wasn't that nice to her. I have never told anyone this not even my husband but i guess y'all don't know her. She married him, she told me because she is difficult and demanding in relationships (not friendships she would stress) but he stopped putting up with it. She also thought he was having an affair last year but I don't think he was. Of course after we were happier she told me by coincidence they were too. But I felt she was lying. And now I agree that a real friend would have been able to share with me instead of dissapearing. Thanks for all the advice everyone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys, I agree with everything said. When I wrote it all out I wondered the same thing. It's just I believed her for the last 3 years when she told me I was the sister she never had and that she wouldn't know what to do without me. I believed her to be this nice person and I honestly thought it was harmless flirting with my hubby until this week when I started adding things up. I think it was more the suddenness of being dropped that caught me off guard but I'd been pulling away anyway. I think she sensed that too and dumped me. But each day I think less and less of her and realise she just wasn't who I thought she was. Thanks yor comments just reinforced me that I should never speak to her again.
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (6 February 2013):
 Who cares? She's history. Why do you want to go over the 1 million possible reasons for it? THe choice is rather simple; husband or this so-called friend?
She has been humiliated and shown to be no friend at all.
I fail to see why you're even asking this question at all.
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A
female
reader, catcher00  +, writes (6 February 2013):
Obviously she's humiliated that she threw herself at your husband and was rejected. She probably figures you wouldn't want to continue this friendship and why do you?
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A
female
reader, Got Issues +, writes (6 February 2013):
 It's glaringly obvious that she is jealous. She is unhappy with her own life, as many people are, but some choose to change the things they don't like or work with the things they can't change, whereas others try to make themselves feel better about the things they are unhappy with by putting other people down. You have done nothing wrong. She is a toxic friend and you need to make a decision to cut her out of your life. She is playing games with you. If she comes crawling back, even if she apologises (which she probably won't), do not accept her back into your life. Delete her number, her email address and any correspondence you have ever had with her, then focus on your family and your other friends. It's a little like moving on from a bad romantic relationship. People like her will do their best to bring you down.Congratulations on repairing your marriage and continuing to work on things rather than getting a divorce.
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