A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:HiI need sex at least once a day.My wife of 12 years is quite happy if we have sex once a month.When we do its great.She suffers from a low sex drive. It seems like its heriditry.Could her being on the pill cause this ?She says all her friends only do it once a week tops.She says Im abnormal.?THe situation is quite dire.Even thinking of separation.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2010): My husband constantly talks about, thinks about, hints at and nags about sex! every single day he wants to have sex! I am so annoyed with him I can't even begin to be intterested in sex! He acts like an animal all day, making a ridiculous show of his excessive farting, ignores me pretty much all the time, rarely spends quality time with me, disrespects me and indulges his own selfish needs the majority of the time and then acts like I am being difficult! Why is it that he can be SO FREAKIN SELF ABSORBED and act indignant when I dont want to have sex with him! I have told him many many times he acts like an ape and if he wants it maybe he ought to try getting some manners and treating me like his best friend and queen once in while, but that seems to be to much work for him but that doesn't stop him from cornering me several times a day! I think he is an overindulged ass! So moral of the story...romance your woman, snuggle, love and pay attention to her thoughtd, wants and dreams and expect nothing in return except quality time, and most likely that will increase her desire for intimacy.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2007): I forgot to mention one of the most important things in increasing a woman's desire to have sex with their guy that night. It is how you treated her that day and for several days before that. For instance, over the years, I have at times treated my wife in a manner that turned her off to me. Not badly, but like she would do something wrong and I would say something like, "Why would you do something like that?" That would make her feel stupid and she would loose any desire to cuddle or have sex for a few days. I would say things like that some years and be very nice to her other years. She thinks that is the reason we had ups and downs in our sex life. It was important to her, so I believe that was the reason. My behavior would turn her off to me for a couple of days. I know that I have not been like this for the past few months to a year, so that is probably why our sex life is great over this time period. Unfortunately, she just talked to me about this a couple of months ago. I never thought about the impact of my comments, but they sure affected her. Thankfully, I did not always act like this over the years. She never felt badly enough to stop loving me, but she lost her desire to have sex with me at times. It wasn't a conscious punishment, but just a natural reaction. Be careful of how you treat her. It doesn't have to be too badly to turn her off to sex.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2007): I have to agree with what most have already said. You need to compromise, probably 2 or 3 times a week as a couple of responders have said. What is normal depends on both partners. When my wife and I were living together in our late 30s, we had sex 6 to 10 times a week. That was fine with her, although I would have been happy with more. Througout our next 22 years of marriage, we ranged from 3 or 4 times a month to 6 or 8 times a week. It was up and down through the years. If I had to guess, we probably averaged somewhere between 3 and 4 times a week. We are over 60 now and are back to 4 to 6 times a week, so age doesn't matter much. How you both feel at the time is what determines how often you have sex. However, I have almost always wanted it more than she has. She doesn't often initiate sex, but she is almost always ready when I am. If I ignore sex for too long, then she will initiate it, but I seldom do that.
We have had to compromise about a few things involving sex over the years. You have to talk about it. Sometimes we didn't talk about a problem for months or years and our sex life suffered some. When one of us finally started a discussion we would think,"Wow, how could we have been so stupid to think that." For instance, I always get awake at 5 or 6, about an hour or 2 before her and I want to snuggle for a while. I would try and she would get angry and say that she wants to sleep. After weveral years, I had had enough of the rejection and told her that I wasn't going to stand for this anymore. We argued for a half hour and then started to discuss it intellegently. We came to a compromise. She would let me snuggle at 5, waking her up, 3 days a week and I would get out of bed and come back at 7 or 8 the other days. This worked well after a few days of her getting used to it. I would get my snuggle therapy for 15 or 20 minutes and then get up. After a while, she wanted to snuggle more than 3 days a week, then she started to get turned on some of the days. It kept progressing and now we are snuggling at 6 and having sex at 6:30 2 or 3 days a week and at 8 the other days. She is happy and you better bet that I am happy. I get angry with myself for not talking about it 5 years ago, but at least we got it solved before we died.
The moral of the story is that you have to talk about it and compromise. You might even get a surprise in the end. Who knows, maybe she will wear you out before it is all over.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2007): I would recommend telling your partner that this lack of sex is causing you to consider leaving the relationship, but make sure that she knows that you really want to make it work rather than splitting up.
I always say that the one sure way to increase sex drive is to have more sex!, I know the problem is lack of sex but hear me out........ After a few years of being in a relationship the sex starts to decrease in frequency. Which means that both of your labidos will decrease too. But some people naturally have a high sex drive.
So the way to bring the labido back up is to have more sex, which results in your body craving sex more often, Which in turn pushes up your sex drive! halleljah!!.
Ok, know its not going to be that simple. So speak to your wife about why she is refusing to have sex more than once a month?, and ensure her that you will both be a lot happier in your relationship once you have resolved the sex issue.
Try using sexual stimulants and sex aids like viagra to help you kick start more sex. But you need to be honest with your partner from the start. If your using this as an excuse to split up with your wife then you really should try harder to resolve your issues.
Ok hope this has helped.
good luck in all you do.
xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2007): Once a day is not oversexed in my opinion, but only if you are both inlove. But sometimes when a couple loses that emotional spark their sex drives go down too. When you have been with someone for a long time, oftentimes you both get too comfortable in the relationship and usually alot of fights and stuff happen that can leave a person feeling resentful. Oftentimes, if you just try to move on without really solving the problem, that resentment just lingers without you being aware of it and then a person's feelings for you will eventually change.
For women that often makes them lose their sexual drive for you. So right now you EXPECT sex from your wife just because she is your wife. But do you really feel like you deserve it??? What have you done for her lately?? Have you been treating her like a queen without expecting anything in return and just simply because you love her?? Or do you just barely treat her well but expect her to have sex with you everyday??? I mean just because she is your wife doesn't mean you no longer have to put effort in to her. And you can't expect her to feel loving and sexual if she feels like you don't even make any effort. Maybe if you did she would feel alot more loving.
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A
male
reader, esepalo1  +, writes (12 December 2007):
 I go threw the same thing every other day im a machine shes not shes told me if it was up to her she would do it once a year crazy huh but i can relate to you the biggest thing is shes my best friend and were both willing to comprimise and maybe once week is good for me its hard for me but i love her very much instead of fighting i try to deal with it for her sake i got to learn theres more to relationship then sex really there is so you both got to comprimise for the sake of the relationship you guys have made with each other.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (11 December 2007):
 The pill can put a damper on the sex drive. It happened to me. Why not try an alternate method like an intrauterine contraceptive device that doesn't interfere with the hormones? OR a vasectomy if you have finished having your family? Freedom from pregnancy is a HUGE turn on and very liberating for most women's libido's, if that is applicable in your case.
Two to three times a week is about the average for your age group, so a compromise on both your parts would be about right.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (11 December 2007):
 Well, after twelve years I'd say both of you are on the extreme end of things. Can't you find a nice middle ground, a nice compromise? Say... have sex three days a week - but she gets to pick the day. Three times a week, that's a lot of sex!
I'm sort of like your wife - sex... meh. I could take it or leave it. It's great when it happens, but I don't get those urges, not like my boyfriend. He's like you, he could have sex all day and all night!!
So we compromise... we have sex about three times a week, and when he's really horny and I'm just not in the mood, he masturbates and I "help" - I'll give him a strip tease, or kiss his neck and such... it doesn't take too much effort from me, but he enjoys it.
Find a good middle ground. Be able to sort your sex life out - it CAN be fixed without having to separate. Go see a sex therapist! They give fun homework, I swear.
Enjoy!
xxIndia
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A
female
reader, Zoggi  +, writes (11 December 2007):
Yes, it can be due to the pill, I had the same problem myself. I'm not sure what advice to give, but whatever you do, please try not to take your frustration out on her. Remember it's not her fault that she doesn't feel like having sex, and it doesn't mean she doesn't love you or find you attractive.
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