A
female
age
36-40,
*elica
writes:I'm 22 and have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. After spending the last year working away, and hardly ever seeing him we moved in together in July. I thought things were ok until I started having feelings for a work collegue.It was just a crush at first, but after a while I found myself spending more and more time with him outside of work, going to sports matches and the cinema etc. The sexual chemistry between us was immense.I felt very guilty and told him to back off because I love my boyfriend and didn't want to hurt anybody. I thought that maybe this was more about me ignoring the problems in my own relationship. When I now look at my own relationship I realise that I love him, and I love the life I have created with him, but just don't fancy him anymore.He loves me so much and I just can't bare to leave him. I never envisaged a life without him but realise this isn't right anymore. Help please
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female
reader, Felica +, writes (13 December 2007):
Felica is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much for the responses. 2 weeks ago I told my boyfriend how I was feeling: that it seemed like were just friends living together, and there was no spark.
We have tried since to mend things, but with limited success. I think it's time for me to move on, even if it means losing my best-friend :-(
A
female
reader, missmel34  +, writes (11 December 2007):
 You're young, if you are having feelings for another person, then you're probably not ready to make a lasting commitment to someone. Theres nothing wrong with that.
I think you should probably be honest with yourself and your bf, don't stay with someone because you don't want to hurt them. This is a time in your life to honour yourself and what you want from life, its probably the only time you will have when you don't have to put another person first.
I know at 34, with 3 children, I look back at my early 20's and only now I realise what a valuable time it was to work out "who am I?"
Taking the relationship back a few steps may not necessarily mean you break up, but it will give you a chance to work out what you really want.
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A
male
reader, ed3112 +, writes (11 December 2007):
My g/f of 5 years left me for a work colleague 2 months ago and I was absolutely devastated.You say you still love your b/f. Is it just a case that you just need to bring the spark back into the relationship? If so, then you should let him know so he has a chance to make everything more exciting.I was never given this opportunity and now I feel like I have lost the love of my life and my best friend. I would have done absolutely anything to keep her but I wasn't given that chance. Us men aren't mind-readers unfortunately. Communication is the key to success in any relationship.If you don't love him any more then it is probably time to let the relationship go before either of you get more involved as this will lead to more hurt in the long run.
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A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20  +, writes (11 December 2007):
 Maybe try to fix some things in the relationship with him, but if nothing works, then just try to let him down as easily as possible.
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