A
male
age
,
*ee222rlwjr
writes:My wife has moved out of our home because I drink alcohol. Since she moved, she had several times if I am drinking. She, does not want to reconcile. So, why does she keep asking if I am drinking when we talk by phone? Thank you for your answers.
View related questions:
moved out Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (23 November 2019):
Because she cares about you. If your drinking ended your marriage you probably have a problem. I hope you get help for it.
A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (23 November 2019):
 OP go back and read our answers again. You can still love and care about someone without wanting to be married to them or live with them. Sometimes when a person is displaying disruptive behavior we cannot stand to watch and we need to leave. IF they won't try and help themself its just too painful to watch.
I was married to an alcoholic. He wasn't that way when we married and I loved him very much but overtime he became a very abusive alcoholic. I tried and tried to help him but the bottom fell out for me when he said "I don't have a problem with drinking..YOU have a problem with me drinking." Then I knew that the children and I didn't matter as much as the booze. He refused help. I left him because he was not only destroying his life but mine, and our children's. He lost him wife, his kids, his car, his job and finally his life. All for booze.
If you truly care about your wife then maybe if you stop drinking and get help maybe...she might come back. Maybe she's waiting to see what you will do. Maybe not. I'm sure she cares or she wouldn't be asking about you. It sure doesn't mean that she wants to live with you though.
A part of me still loved my husband even after I left and we got divorced. I never wanted to see him go down the path he chose. I cried many many tears over him but in the end he chose alcohol over anything else. Is that what you are going to do?
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 November 2019):
 OP, did you actually read any of our answers ?
Your wife stopped living with you . Because she did not enjoy standing there watching while you self destroy yourself, and because, as all the people who drink too much, you must be difficult to live with.
The fact that she has stopped shtring your same address doers not mean that she has stoppped caring, to some extent, ecevn if not in a romantic way. It does not mean she must have stopped being worried about you, and afraid that you get seriously ill or day. It does not mean that she cannot wish you were healthy, happy and functional also if she does not want to reconcile- at least while you are still drinking !
Why , OP- suppose you have an old ,sick relative or friend and you go visit him / her for a few days. Then the visit is over, and you go back home, and... what do you do ? stop being concerned just because you aren't phisically there any more ? Stop wishing they could recover, and feel better and live as long as possible, just because they are not under your eyes ? ....
...............................
A
female
reader, jls022  +, writes (23 November 2019):
She has been driven out of her marriage by your alcohol abuse. This doesn’t mean she no longer cares, it means she can’t continue to watch you slowly killing yourself. She asks because she is desperately hoping that losing her might have made you realise how much damage you are doing to yourself and her, but sadly that isn’t the case. My question to you is why do you value alcohol more than the woman you married?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2019): You need to take a long hard look at yourself and the damage you are doing to your health and that of those around you. You don't NEED to drink Alcohol. You should value your wife and marriage more than drink
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2019): By the way, if she left you...she's giving-up on you!
Please seek alcohol rehabilitation, dear sir! If it drove your wife out of your house, it's a problem. If you don't care that she has left you; then do what's right, and set her free.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2019): Drinking is a problem in your marriage. She cares about you; so she cares if you're drinking. You're more or less telling us that your drinking means more to you than your wife. For now, it seems she's giving you an ultimatum.
I commend her for her strength and wisdom to remove herself from a toxic-environment. You don't seem to get the point; but sometimes you don't know what you've got until it's gone. Somebody loves you, and you don't love her as much as you love drinking. That is very very sad.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 November 2019):
 I think she keeps asking because she still cares about and for you, DOESN'T mean she wants to reconcile WITH you.
If you DO think more than what is "good for you", as in to a point of every day and where you at times can't function, or pee the bed, or have black outs, I really can't blame her.
YOU now have two options here, SEEK help ad quit drinking and yes, I'd think getting totally dry would be the way to go, to maybe save your marriage.
or
Wave goodbye to your wife, your marriage and maybe at some point your job and/or your health/life.
You need to take responsibility for your part in this. And for your LIFE and FUTURE.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (22 November 2019):
Because you are a human being. Because she knows you. Because you are a human being whom she knows and, although very few of us are so saintly to care and be concerned about the health and happiness of the whole entire world ... the average person is generally benevolent enough to care and be concerned about the health and happiness of the person they knew / know or are / were close to. Even if you two split up, obviously you are still in speaking terms, and your wife , I assume, has no wish to see you suffer , for instance, due to same nasty liver disease .
Plus, she does not want to reconcile as long as you drink
( ... "like a fish", I think you omitted to say. It's hard to imagine a woman leaving her husband because every now and then he wants a glass of wine with his dinner... ). But if you stopped drinking, who knows, maybe it would be another story.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2019): If she left you because of your drinking then clearly you have a problem. She left because of your problem that you will not address, not because she doesn't love or care about you. So she asks because she wants to know if you're OK.
...............................
A
male
reader, Lee222rlwjr +, writes (22 November 2019):
Lee222rlwjr is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your answers. I am abusing alcohol. But I do not understand why my wife asks me all the time if I am drinking when we talk by phone. Why do you think she keeps asking me? She has moved out of our home so why does she care? It can not be money because I s wealthy man.
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (22 November 2019):
 You make it sound like your wife is against you drinking ANY alcohol whereas I suspect she is against you drinking TOO MUCH alcohol.
OF COURSE she doesn't want to reconcile while you are drinking. Why should she? She left BECAUSE of your excessive drinking. Why would she go back when you are still drinking?
The question you need to ask yourself, my friend, is what is more important to you: alcohol or your wife? If the former, then she was right to leave. If the latter, then you need to give up the former. YOUR CHOICE. What is is to be?
...............................
A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (22 November 2019):
OP, just because a person doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore it doesn't mean that they don't love or care! Maybe she's worried about you getting hurt or doing something that could endanger your life or even hurt others.
I was married to an alcoholic and he made my life a living hell but I still cared about him and wanted him to be happy and lead a good life.
Be good to yourself and be smart. Too much drinking is never a good thing. I don't know how much you are drinking but if she's concerned what does that say?
...............................
|
