A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:my sister sent ne on a mission to spy on her fiance. their wedding wud take place in three weeks. well, i got to find out he has an affair wt his coleague at work and when i caught him red handed in an eatery, hugging her, saying bye see u later , he got startled and i threatened to expose him to my sister. he had been the best man she had dated though, what we thought. he loves her dearly too.he confessed and promised it was over and he had intended a last meal out with the colleague. he said he met her years before he met my sis and just friends wt her now besides my sis knows about her but as a friend.he promised if he did any other thing, i should expose him to her and his work authority, so should i tell her, he was real about not repeating such a thing cos he called the colleague on a speaker and told her what happened and that he told me to expose them to their office authority on any similar account and that he wants nothing to do with her anymore.so do i tell her about it or just let them be? besides, she is 35 and eager to get married coz she had waited for long.
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affair, at work, fiance, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2009): Tell her! Do you seriously want her to spend the rest of her life with that dweeb?! NO!
A
female
reader, sappygirl  +, writes (17 March 2009):
 She has to know the truth. this is her future and her life.
She is going to spend the rest of her life with this man and he's not honest. let her know the truth so she can make the decision for herself. Men like this will never change.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (17 March 2009):
 When she asked for you to spy on her behalf, that was proof that she already suspected that something was up, unfortunately.
I suspect that you have seen the truth and that he isn't 100% faithful, but you may not be able to convince her of that. You are just helping your sister dodge a bullet by holding up a mirror to her fiances behavior before she throws her life away on someone who is secretive and duplicitous.
In my opinion, it's better to do this now before your "future nieces and nephews" come along, into a situation that could easily become a broken home and get hurt along with your sister. Be prepared for a lot of tears. You're a good sister to look out for her.
You should let her know everything that you have learned and seen and be ready to support her. After that, the decision to believe him or not will be hers, as it should be. If she does take him back, then you have done your duty to her as she asked, but be prepared to drop the subject after that and never bring it up again. Neither of them would appreciate it. And if they do stay together under these circumstances, I would be prepared for a lot more tears, unfortunately...
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A
male
reader, Replacement +, writes (17 March 2009):
 I would tell her. Her being 35 and eager to get married is no reason not to tell her- marriage is supposed to be for life so she should marry someone she can see herself being happy with for life, not just any man who will have her. She deserves to know all of the facts about this man before she makes one of the biggest decisions of her life.
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A
female
reader, CandyCakes +, writes (17 March 2009):
I think, instead of going to her yourself, you and he should talk together and then the BOTH of you go talk with your sister.
It sounds to me like he is really finished with his relationship with this woman. I don't know the time, but it also sounds like he dated her BEFORE he met your sister and stopped seeing her when he started seeing your sister.
Don't jump to conclusions. Talk with him and convince him to come and talk to her if this is really important.
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A
female
reader, loveprincess  +, writes (17 March 2009):
 ypu should tell her what you found out if after everything she believes him and wants to be with him then thats up to her
if you not tell her now then when she married she finds out and doesnt want to be with him you will have to explain why you didnt tell her
its up to her what she wants to do
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2009): Three weeks is so near, please tell her immediately. Three weeks to his wedding and he is playing around. You know that he would not have stopped and he only did becuase he was caught? How do you know that he would not do it again. He would have "staged" that telephone call on speaker. This amn will eventually destroy your sister if the marriage goes through. You will also perhaps blame yourself if you do not tell her. He will cheat again. This is guaranteed.
Whn she knows the truth she will have to make the decision whether to marry him. The fact that she told you to spy n him means that the trust element was missing in the relationship. She obviously had her doubts. She is only 35 years old, young enough to re start her life without him. I suggest that you invite her to read the Dear Cupid stories, just for her to see the true light. Everyone wants to get married, have kids, live happily ever after but life happens and then the mess starts. So your sister must weigh the pros and cons. Can she marry someone she cannot trust, he is working with the other woman, that affair is NOT OVER, believe me. He just put in on a backburner so that things are sorted out with you. He is pacifying you, by saying expose him to your sister and the work authorites if he does wrong. This man is very clever and manipulative. He knows that you love your sister and don't want to see her hurt.
I wish there were more sisters like you, looking out for each other. Please let us know what transpires/ do you tell her and expose him for the cheat and liar that he is?
Whatever decision your sister makes please support her and love her. I pray that she makes the right decison now, although she will hurt but it will save her years of torment. I say again please invite her to start reading the stories here. It will open up her eyes and she will have all the guidance she needs. Good luck and BIG HUG TO YOU FOR CARING.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (17 March 2009):
 I believe in honesty. Do you want her to get married and find out his behavior repeats its self. She can decide to get married or not, but allow her to make that decision with all the evidence to make her decision by. You'd do her a disservice by not telling her.
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