A
male
age
30-35,
*e130890
writes:I've been with her officially for 3 months now and I was seeing her for 4 months before we actually got together. The thing is, things were alot better before we actually got into a relationship. Things weren't complicated, we got along sooo so well, we clicked in every single way, we didnt stop laughing, we did crazy things together, spent every free moment together, it was absolutely amazing. I fell completely in love with her and she fell completely in love with me. A few months down the line she finally broke up with her ex boyfriend and cut all ties from him and got together with me. Since then its been an absolute nightmare. Within 1 month of being with her, she cheated on me :( She did, however, tell me face to face the very next day, and begged me not to leave her). I left her and broke up for a week, then it was Valentines day and we both missed each other too much and decided to give it another try. Since then, I have not trusted her at all. I was constantly breaking up then making up with her for a while until she got sick of it and I almost lost for good until I did something special to prove I wanted her back. The latest thing is that I haven't seen her for 3 weeks because she keeps going away up country too see her friends (a place where she used to live), which is getting on my frickin nerves im telling you. On a happiness scale of 1-10, 10 being extremely happy... when I'm with her and we get along, its 15/10, when we're not with each other its 4/10 maximum. Should I leave this or move on... she is my world but I don't need the hassle anymore to be honest. Help. Thanks.
View related questions:
broke up, cheated on me, her ex, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2009): Trust is the foundational base of any quality, functional, happy relationship. If you have it you have happiness, comfort and respect for each other. If you don't have trust, you really have ...nothing., a big fat zero. Now, you said
"Since then [the cheating incident] , I have not trusted her at all. I was constantly breaking up then making up with her for a while until she got sick of it and I almost lost her, for good until I did something special to prove I wanted her back".
It sounds like, yes, you want her in your life but...you still don't trust her! And until you do, this relationship will continue to be rife with suspicion, self-doubt, mistrust, misgiving. In other words, she is now a liability in your life...she's not reliable in your mind And I think, you cannot get past that. I don't blame you. You sound very messed up and in pain over this. And I am sorry..truely it's a tough place to be..
All I can tell you is my own personal opinions on cheating in a love relationship. Her actions tell me that she cared more about what she wanted than what you both could've built together. Some individuals would never, ever trust a cheater again and would feel life is too short to waste it away, feeling this pained all the time. Now there are people who find ways to cope with a cheating incident. They talk about it, through tears, they don't give up until it's out on the table, boundaries are in place and she gives you a lot of assurances, this won't happen again. You allow her, cheater to earn back the trust in baby steps and it's a long, long process. You may be a more forgiving type of person than some of us, and over time maybe you can forgive her, , but I can say without doubt, you will never, never forget. Not being able to forget is just to painful for some. So they end the relationship.
I will tell you, I have been cheated on, like billions of other people out there. I made the best decision of 'kicking my cheating partner's butt to the curb'. Because from from that, dark deepest sorrow came the greatest joy. I eventually met someone whom I love deeply and trust fully. I believe in that old saying that 'No man or woman is worth your angst, your tears because the one that is really worth it...would never, never, NEVER cause you this type of pain' And my friend, you have huge doubts about this girl, and to me that equals glaring big red flags! Plain and simple.
Trust your instincts, and look out for yourself here. Make a decision that you know is best for you...not for her..but for YOU! Good luck and you have some thinking to do.
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (17 March 2009):
 All of what you have added makes me even more certain - Move On!!!! If she can hide you from her friends and family then you need to get out of this one, fast!
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (17 March 2009):
It sounded like it was a bad idea right from the start - she was seeing you whilst still with her ex! Therefore she cheated on him - what did you expect her to do to you? people like that very rarely change, it was almost bound to happen that she was going to cheat.
And seen as she did cheat in the first month, it is clear this girl does not like monogamous relationships. She likes the fun of cheating and doing something which she isnt meant to do.
All of this doesnt bode well, and the fact that you cannot make it work when you have not even been together for a year shows it will only get worse rather than better. The first few months to a year in a relationship are supposed to be the honeymood period where everything is really good, not where you are breaking up every week or so!
I dont think this will ever work I'm afraid - this girls likes to be free and do what she wants, regardless of her boyfriend. And you cannot expect to change someone so you dont really have much choice other than to move on. But make sure you do it properly - tell him firmly that it is over for real this time, and you want nothing more to do with her. You need to tell her to never contact you again, and then get rid of her mobile number, facebook, email address etc just in case you have a weak moment where you feel you want her back.
I hope this helps and good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, CandyCakes  +, writes (17 March 2009):
I have a good friend with a girlfriend much like yours. It might be hard to hear since you love her, but she is a B-I-T-C-H in all caps.
She's using you, possibly to make herself feel better or possibly just because she likes being in control and toying with you. The thing is, this early on, it is safe to say that she will continue cheating. Sometimes people cheat when they get tired of an old relationship and want to move on but can't tell the other person, but your girl does it because that's part of her.
Some cheaters will always cheat.
I would suggest cutting all ties with her and finding a relationship with a girl who isn't crazy. By not adding you or telling her friends, I think she's ashamed of you. She wants to continue living a player lifestyle but have you too, which is just wrong.
I can't tell you what to do, only you can decide for yourself. But please sit down and talk with her about how you feel, about how you're not sure you want to be with her this way.
I can say this, 100% truthfully, if you dump her because you realize she is not right for you, you will absolutely find another girl to love. It might take a long time, but you will and it is worth it.
...............................
A
male
reader, je130890 +, writes (17 March 2009):
je130890 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionEdit:
Forgot to mention:
- She never accepts my friend requests on facebook.. I feel bad because I feel like shes keeping me a secret and it adds to my suspicions.
- I don't think any of her friends actually know she has a boyfriend. Not that I would know because I have never met ANY of her friends... this is odd? She has never met any of my friends either.
- My friends and family do not like her at all.
...............................
|
