A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I think i'm cracking up. I've always felt like i dont fit in any where, my self esteem has taken a battering over the years. I was bullied in the past at work and school and pretty much dont know where my life is going. I broke up with another boyfriend the other month. He said he loved me but pretty much used me, and i really miss him, but i know the relationship was no good. My nans very ill and now my boss seems to be bullying me at my new job. I just dont know what to do next, i have friends and family but i feel so alone. I'm booked in to see a counsellor next week but cant really afford it, i feel so lost, dont know what to do. I hate feeling like this. I feel c**p. I'm old enough to know better and should be stronger than this. Any advice will be wonderful
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at work, broke up, bullied, my boss, self esteem Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2007): yes you can do it. you are a wonderful and caring person and don't ever forget that. to hell with anyone that tries to bully you and piss on them also. all that a bully is is a coward who tries to bring him or her self up by bringing you down. no one in this world is perfect but at least you have the smarts to admit that you may have a problem. if you can not afford the help (try if you can) this colum does wonders for me. read everyones problems and you will see that you are not alone. do not give up because we are all important give that bully the finger and keep your chin up it will only make you stronger in the end. do not let anyone tell you that you are not important and do not do anything that you feel is not right.
A
male
reader, esepalo1  +, writes (19 September 2007):
 So many people have low self esteem man i went threw it all my life it wasnt till i realized that this is a fashion show world every one is always looking at who we are what we wear what we got who were dating were we live the biggest thing you need to do is value your self as a woman and as a person we need to live for are self not others ive had a second chance at life maybe thats why i think way out of the box life is short to be living not happy you need to live life to the fullest leave the past in the past life is what you make it is my modo you wanna be sad you will you wanna live happy be happy dont let others tell you what to wear what you should eat or who you are you are you and be happy with who you are to many stereo types and people in society trying to tell us who we should be and what to be so girl cheer up take time for your self and think about life and where you wanna be in the future.:)
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (19 September 2007):
 First, forget about being old enough to know better. I know people of all ages who have low self esteems and people who were strong, but it only takes one person to start preying on their strong sense of self to begin weakening it.
It's hard dealing with those who stress us out. I agree with the other comments that medication is not always needed. Of course I use to tell people just think positive, tell yourself happy thought, until for myself the more happy my thoughts were, the lower I felt, and I too was placed on medication.
I didn't use it as a crutch, I used it as leverage as I began to work on my behaviors and started focusing on what was creating these low feelings.
I recommend going to the counselor, seeing what you can do there. If you need an additional hand, or coaching through this, send me an e-mail.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2007): Talking to a proffessional may do wanders for you as it seems to me that you are depressed but it will only cause you more worry if you cant afford to do so.
My first thoughts are that you may need to speak with a doctor although I dont agree with people being palmed off with anti depressants, I think you are desparate for somthing to pick you up when times are hard.
As for being bullied at work, when you are low you are an easy target to others and you need to take action against your boss.
I wish you all the best. Take care
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A
female
reader, leanne.od +, writes (19 September 2007):
 having suffereed depression i sympathise with you. it seems life has dealt you a cruel hand. i went to a few sessions with a pyschiatrist and athough it helped, what you need to do is be strong and deal with your past.i was bullied all through secondary school and therefore my confidence was knocked, they made me paranoid about my looks, called me every name under the sun resulting in me having an eating disorder but then i realised that the people who bully others are cowards and are jealous or intimidated so they show off and get a name for themselves, so that everyone thinks they are gods gift when they aren't. when i started work i was paranoid about it happening again, so i made sure i was well known and wasn't afraid, even though i was petrefied, i stood up and walked with my head held high.but then things got complicated (really complicated) and i had to leave, so now i was so distraught i didn't know what to do. but then i sat down and thought about things. the postive things. i was young, intelligent and i was free to start my life over again which not alot of people get the chance to do, so i enrolled on a beauty course, and i'm now self employed and stick two fingers up to the bullies who called me ugly.my nan was diagnosed with cancer last year but thankfully she has now been given the all clear, so your nan may improve, and if not, you need to think about her and her suffering and how she'll be at rest when she's not in any more pain and then celebrate her life instead of thinking of the fact she has gone, remember the good things she did whilst here.i to broke up with my boyfriend 4 months ago now, because he cheated on me but i have came through it, and so will you. this is a bad time in your life that in a couple of months will be a memory.if you want to talk, i will listen and try to help.good luck though.be strong.
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A
female
reader, JackieR +, writes (19 September 2007):
 First of all stop being so hard on yourself, everyone and i mean everyone gets insecure, it's just on different levels. How you treat yourself is how others will treat you especially bullies, i am not saying toughen up but you have got to start seeing yourself in a new light for your own sake. I know this will be hard, it will be like learning a new language, but you need to tell yourself that you are a worth while person who should be treated with respect, and besides the hard or tough things that you have to do in this life are usually the most worthwhile, believe me.You need to be your own best friend, when you look in the mirror, or your head is full of wee voices telling you how crap you are, stop and ask yourself if you would talk that way to a good friend or a family member, i bet you don't.Your problem is that you just don't like or value yourself very much, and you just don't see yourself the way your family and friends do. Please Please don't let people bully you for one more second, i don't care who they are, they see a weakness in you and they draw their strength from that which goes to show you just how sad and pathetic they are!! Complain to someone or simply leave, if you want to change and become a stronger person, believe me you wont do so surrounded by ass holes like that. No one has the right to treat anyone like that, and that includes you!! I wish you the very best of luck, but only you can change you, i know the past has done some damage to you so please don't give the bullies any more control over your life, don't you think they have taken up enough of your time??Surround yourself with positive things and people, be good to yourself, look after yourself and don't take any crap of anyone again, you deserve better and be your own best friend!!!Good luckp.s If you can't afford a councellor there are plenty of self help books out there!!
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A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (19 September 2007):
Go to the councilor and tell him/her what you are saying here. The cost may be adjustable but anyway you can afford to do some. Don't hang for long with guys who aren't nice. Look at each day as new and do your best. What you did yesterday should not determine what you are going to do today.
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