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anonymous
writes: hi there i really dont know how to start this but my partner of 2 1/2 years has been violent since we brought our home together approx 18 months ago i always thought it was me that got him worked up by things i did or said. he told me it was my drinking that provoked him so i gave it up and when he came back (about 3 mnths ago) we decided that it would only be a social drink on a weekend when the kids were not there and that would be it. i felt sure for about 3 weks that my partner was messing around and i asked him on numerous occasions which he denined that he was up to anything. he always had his phone on him he brought a 2nd phone and he was acting differerntly than he normally did. last friday he told me his mom might have bone cancer and he went to see her he was supposed to have been there for a short while which turned out to be from 12-30 and at 5 i txt him he said that he had had to drop off his aunt less than 5 mins away and was stuck in traffic he came home and he didnt look himself which i put down to him hearing this news. we talked for a while and then he took our dog out for a walk. while he was away i lit the chimnayer and we had a laugh about me doing that when he returned then he asked if i wanted a pizza delivering. as ive said he had a new mobile and i couldnt work it so i came into the house told him, he accussed me of looking through his phone which was less han 24hrs old i said hadnt and threw the pizza menu at him and the next thing i rememeber was being gabbed by the hair threw on the ground punched 2 times while being told i was gonna die and struggling away from him he caught me in the living room and i managed to get to the front door and get out. i managed to get to my neighbours and they called the police. the police called the ambulance and i had 6 stitches put in my eye my tooth was knocked out multiple bruises to my face and looked like frankenstiens sister. he was arrested at the scence but told the police i fell into a wall. since then he has told my neighbour to tell me to get my money ready as he is going to force a sale on my home and that he never hit me. then last night he asked my neighbour how i was. does ths mean he realises what he has done and is sorry or is he trying to wriggle his way back in or what, i still love him but i no love will die. he has been charged with actual bodily harm and the police said that my injuries boder on horrific im so confusd is he trying to say hes sorry or is he saving his own skin
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2007): I know what it is like to be in your shoes. It was only a few years ago when I thougth I had met prince charming. He said and did all of the right things. We spent so much time together and soon, we had moved in together. I will never forget the first time he hit me...we were in a car and he said a horrible comment to devalue me. Having self-respect at that time, I told him to "get out of my car", that is when he picked up the keys that were on the center console and "accidentially slammed them across my face". The first time was such a shock, both he and I were crying. He cried for hours, telling me how sorry he was and begging for forgiveness. After years of looking back, I cannot tell you, for the life of me, at what point these "accidents" turned into beatings. I was still in love with him for years and he continued to be violent towards me. In my mind, he was two different people...the man I loved and this evil person who couldn;t control his anger. One day, it got to the point where after he saw me speak to another man at work in a non-flirtous manner...he abducted me, beat me, and drug me out into a field to show where he planned to bury my dead body. My point in telling you this story is to illustrate that men who do this do not love you, they love themselves. You are worth more than this! You are a valueable person and you deserve better. I have no doubt if I stayed with him I would be dead. It took a very long time to finally break my ex-finance's control over me and end the relationship. It took a long time to realize that the man that I love was not divorced from the man that beat me, they were the same person. And that if I did not walk away from it, the violence will only get worse!There is no reason for anyone to ever lay a hand on you. Although it may be hard at first, but honestly, you will never regret walking away from someone who will hurt you. Someone like that is not sorry for their actions. Men like that do NOT change, EVER!! They need control and being violent towards you and hitting you, pushes you down to give them the upper hand. No man is worth that. Please go to friends and if friend won't listen call your local prosecutors office and get someone on your side who knows what you are going through. remember you deserve more than this. Also, please call the prosecutor's office and ask about any victims/witness assistant programs and ask about how you can get a protection order or restraining order against him, typically they have agencies that will work for free if you cannot afford an attorney. Let a judge tell him who gets to stay in the house and let a judge tell him he is wrong to do this to you. Stand up for yourself because you are worth it!
A
female
reader, Ears4tears  +, writes (19 September 2007):
 GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN!!!
Once the violence starts it never ends it only gets worst, i know from bitter experience. Think about your own safety and that of the kids. They always say there sorry and you want so badly for it to be true you just go along with it believeing they love you and the next time it ten times worst. Hes already put you in hospital, dont let him destroy you too.
Be strong all the luck in the world xxxxxxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2007): I support Penta 100%. Get him nailed. I put up with that crap for 20 years. You do not deserve it.
Take care and do keep in touch.
xx
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A
female
reader, penta  +, writes (19 September 2007):
 Whether he's sorry NOW means NOTHING. No one gets to hit you. EVER. No one deserves to be hit, and nothing you did "caused" him to hit you.
Being "sorry" is part of the honeymoon cycle of abuse. He WILL hit you again if you let him in your life; eventually he will kill you. You must leave him.
Go to the police and amend the report; tell them the truth. Get him put in jail. He needs to take responsibility for his actions. And he needs to stay away from you.
Good luck hon.
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