A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm so confused on what to do anymore. Over a year ago, I found pictures of my boyfriends ex hidden on our computer. Provocative pictures. This was after 3 years of being lied to on and off about her. I flipped out, we fought a lot, and after a few days, he stopped talking about it. It's been this long, and it still bothers me. I can't get it out of my head, and our sex life has suffered. Every time he touches me, I think he wishes I was her (she left him, just so that's clear). I don't trust him, he hasn't done anything to build my trust back up. The main reason I haven't left is because we have kids, and financially I can't. I don't even know if I can get past this, or move on in any way. All the time, we're either fighting or ignoring each other. The only time he is even INTERESTED in me sexually is if he's been drinking. I have strong feelings now for a friend of mine, who doesn't know or suspect. I try to avoid talking with him if at all possible, because I'm not the type to cheat. My question is, all things considered, is this relationship even worth trying to save? I feel like we're room mates, now, more than boyfriend girlfriend. I don't know what to do :(
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move on, roommate, sex life Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, mischieviousangel916 +, writes (18 March 2010):
Let him go. Don't put yourself in a world of hurt. He is not worth it by a long shot.
A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (9 March 2010):
 Honestly? No, it doesn't sound like its worth the effort, especially since its all one sided. Why waste your time? It takes two to make a relationship work, and he just doesn't seem to care either way. Sounds like its time to move on babes. Its rather hard to compete with a memory anyways, isn't it?
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A
female
reader, Weramazing  +, writes (9 March 2010):
 Hi
I think You already know it's over. I think The only thing keeping you is the financial side of things and whether you could support yourself and the children. The answer is you can.
Everyone is different some people can deal with and forget things easily this obviously still getting to you and I don't think that's going to change for a long time. There are other things going on in this relationship to that need alot of work.
Maybe rather then breaking up have a break from him you don't have to say it's a break just go to visit family for a few days and clear your head. See if you miss him and just have a deep think about exactly what you want.
Either you will decide you want to give it another go and have a serious chat with him addressing all of the problems in the relationship and working together to fix them.
Or
you will decide that you have had enough and just want to move on.
As for this other guy don't think about him, right now you need to focus on what you are going to do with your relationship and getting your life on track.
Even if you split up with your partner seeing someone straight away is not good for you or the children.
Take time out to be a good mum under the new changes in their life and work on rebuilding yourself and your confidence. Aswell as considering what you want to do to earn money.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (9 March 2010):
Certainly he sees totally uninterested in fixing the mess he has created if he hasn't done anything to build up your trust and is only interested in sex when he's been drinking. Your last best bet to save this is to both go to counselling and get it all out in the open. But to be honest, given that he's done nothing, maybe it's time to move on now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2010): Its always easy to sit on the fence and tell people what to do, so much harder if your the person in that situation. but i will tell you this. my mum and dad are the lovliest parents ever, they rasied us with love and we had a great childhood. but i can never remember a time when theyve got on. they always fought like cat and dog, and now were all grown up and left home they dont even sit in the same room together and sleep in seperate bedrooms. my mum bristles every time my dad even walks through the room! i wish they had both found someone else when they had the chance, they have now resolved they dont want to be lonley so they stay together for that reason. so my advice is, make that difficult first step to leaving your boyfriend now, it will be hard at first but time goes so quickly before you know it youll be a unhappy old lady wishing youd had the couarge years ago.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2010): It's not cheating if you're not in love with him anymore..are you?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2010): I understand what you're saying about staying together because of the kids-i've done that too. Quite recently actually. It's just an excuse. If you and him are unhappy together, your kids are gonna pick up on that and they may start to react to that. If you wanna have happy kids, you have to have a happy household. You say you can't be single financially right now? Move in with parents until you can get on your feet. There's state assistance out there to help you. Get child support from him!! You can make it on your own. No one deserves to be unhappy. Good luck!!
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