A
male
age
41-50,
*immy2015
writes:My current girlfriend (whom I do want to marry) is 2 months pregnant and she looked through my phone only to discover text messages I had with other girls as well as prostitutes to set up dates.I have never cheated on her or gave her reason to think so, I was just extremely horny and we were told by the doctor to not have sex for a while. I was simply looking for some quick relief since I was tired of masturbating. Now she has said that she no longer wants to see me or be with me and is pretty much disgusted with me. What should I do????? I need to make this work and it was a foolish mistake. Please advise.
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female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (25 August 2011):
 I'm afraid you're simply not ready for a real relationship, OR you are not with a woman you're truly compatible with. If you truly love someone, you make sacrifices. Real sacrifices, not just waiting a couple of months to have sex. Since you cannot even do that, I suggest you leave her alone and be there for your child. She deserves someone much better than you.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (25 August 2011):
 ps. the girl does want you back. So there is hope for you. A woman does not dream of having to split up with the father of her unborn child, she wants to have a family, to be happy together, to have you help her through the pregnancy and all that. She wants your support and love. So yes, she does want a man in your life, and she is hoping that man can be you.
Just thought I'd let you know that you are needed by her. But she can not take you back unless she can trust you, so you have a lot of work to do making her trust you again. It starts by owning up to your mistakes and letting things cool off, then take it one step at a time and no matter what she does to you from here on, be there for her. Support her. Do not be selfish again, ever, at all. In time it will pay off and she will return the support, but right now you owe her big time.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (25 August 2011):
I was simply looking for some quick relief since I was tired of masturbating.
I have never cheated on her or gave her reason to think so
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What exactly do you think that was? It was cheating if you met up with them, and it sounds like you had every intention of meeting up with them. You also showed many reasons for her to think you would cheat! Come on. You were on the edge of cheating, and now you try to make it sound like it wasn't a big deal?
It was a big deal. You were busted. You screwed up. If you're horny buy a sex toy, not a prostitute.
First off you start with laying down in the dust and accepting you fault without any buts. Stop trying to cover your ass. The only way to get her back is let her whip her punishment at you and take it like a man. Own up to your mistake. NO BUTS. Don't make excuses for yourself, I can't stand when people do that. If you say sorry to her, and sincerely mean you are sorry, there will be no buts, "I'm sorry, but I was horny..." No buts. Just apologize and accept her punishment without defending yourself.
Then give her some time, maybe two weeks, and then try to talk to her again. Accept all faults and take full blame. Don't debate it. Just accept that you made a horrible mistake, and hope for forgiveness and that she will have you back.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (25 August 2011):
 First things first - you gave her MANY reasons to think you were cheating, you were texting other girls, and setting up dates with prostitues. As far as your girlfriend will be concerned, even if you did not actually cheat, you were going to very soon because you were planning dates to have sex with prosititues. Just because she found out BEFORE you cheated doesnt make it ok, you were going to cheat on her so that is just as bad as the actual cheating. In fact, in some ways it is worse than if you had just met a random girl in a bar and slept with her, because you were PLANNING to cheat behind her back, which meant that you really WANTED to cheat, rather than it being a silly drunken mistake.
I dont think you can get her back to be honest, you have betrayed her trust, you have really hurt her and you have revealed that you are just a sex-obsessed guy who doesnt care about anything apart from his own d**k.
She is pregant, I mean come on, this woman is having your baby and just because you are a bit horny you wanted sex with a prostitute? That really is low. You cant even go a couple of months without sex so you have to resort to betraying the woman you supposedly love, you are incredibly weak and need a wake up call - your girlfriend has done the right thing in leaving you, you are definitely not the sort of man a girl wants to committ to a future with.
All you can do now is apologise, a lot, explain why you behaved this way and that you are sorry, it was a huge mistake. Be there for her as much as you can, ask to go to every scan, midwife appointment, doctors appointment...show how committed you are. Dont even text another woman even though you are currently apart, dont look at another woman, definitely do not date anyone else - prove to her that it was a one-time slip and you are not interested in anyone else but her.
But if I'm being honest, these are all just words and your actions have spoken much louder than any words you can say right now. You have pretty much shown her that all you care about is sex, you dont respect her, you dont care she is the mother of your child, you dont love her, you cant/dont want to communicate with her when you have a problem, you are not faithful and you cannot committ to one woman. All with a few text messages! It will be a massive battle to try and get her back and I dont think you have much hope I'm afraid, you have done a lot of damage already.
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (25 August 2011):
When she has calmed down you will just have to give it another try and hope that she believes you. If she trusts that you haven't actually cheated and were doing it for the excitment then maybe it is something you can put behind you.
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A
female
reader, Kirstyteenauntireland  +, writes (25 August 2011):
 Apologize apologize and apologize. Beg if you have to. This girl is 2 months pregnant and finds out that you were texting other girls and Prostitutes??? She doesn't need that kinda stress when shes pregnant. If she tales you back make sure it never EVER happens again!!
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A
female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (25 August 2011):
 Never gave her reason to think you were cheating? You were texting other girls and prostitutes to relieve your sexual urges. Apologise to her and don't do it again. You should be able to have sex with your pregnant girlfriend up until full term unless the doctor has advised of some other complication.
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