A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 43 yr old male. I came home from work last Friday night and was suprise by my wife of 15 yrs.she was in the bathroom, with only a robe, exposing herself to me. this has very seldom happened in our marriage. as any husband still in love with their wives I was turned on. she started talking about us having sex and having fun together, but told me not till later. I jumped in shower and did my thing. after retreating to bedroom, we spent several hrs together enjoying our time alone, which I thought.out of nowhere, she started bringing up our past. its been rough here and there. complaining about our kids etc. her attitude changed 180 degrees. didn't want to be near me. started blaming me for everything that's went wrong in her life. Im actually use to this, its become a ritual with her.Four days have passed and now she's talking divorce. I've said something about what happened and her response is oh well, don't know what to tell you. we go 4 to 6 weeks without sex. if I ask, she tells me I'm pressuring her, or that's all I want. she also tells me I treat her like a piece of meat. I'm really hurt over this, Ive followed her demands. I don't ask for sex, don't talk about it among several others. what's hurt me the most, i wasn't the one to start the advances, and I didn't complain when it didn't happen. she knows it hurt me and she acts as though im the one who was in the wrong.I don't know what to do anymore, this been going on for a long time, we've talked about it many times. she keep doing it. I love her with every once of soul that I have. I don't want to lose her, she really is a beautiful person inside. Please help!
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (4 July 2012):
I agree with Chigirl. It seems to me that you're just being kept around at the moment, and that you're a convenient person to blame for her own situation.
I too think that you just need to say, straight, do you want this to work, in which case it's counselling. Or do you want it to end?
Life is too short to sit around being blamed by someone who won't do anything to make their situation better.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (4 July 2012):
 Couples therapy. That's my only suggestion, if you're tried to talk to her.
Or, keep score. Write down exactly how many days you go without saying anything about sex, write down how often you do have sex, write down how often she blames you for things going wrong in her life, write down everything. Then you have ammunition for your next talk.
But, really, it looks as though this is something that is going on with your wife primarily, and not with you or your marriage. It sounds as if your wife wants a divorce, and that she has fallen out of love with you. And that since she no longer loves you she no longer wants sex with you, even if you don't bring it up. It sounds as if there is nothing you can do to change her mind, and if you aren't doing anything wrong then she's just looking for reasons to push you further away from her. She's looking for reasons because in her mind she's already decided that she wants a divorce, and she probably started thinking about it a long time ago, but didn't talk to you about it.
Try to ask her directly perhaps: do you love me?
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (4 July 2012):
 I am like the other writer, I do not know all of the dynamics of your relationship, but I was like you in my last relationship. I was never quite sure what happened because one day we were having sex and being intimate and the next day and about 2 years afterward, I got the cold shoulder. I gave my man space, I talked with him about possible reasons, I looked up to him, and I still have no idea what made him turn on me. I just know that things can get very lonely when there is no intimacy. Let's put it this way, I would do what your wife did, but then my boyfriend would turn away from me. I know how it feels and I have no real solutions. I tried everything.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2012): When was the last time you showed her you loved her?
If she complains about something, she is probably asking for your help with the problem. If you only listen and don't act she thinks you didn't listen and don't care. Does she need help around the house or with the kids? Lend her a hand.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2012): Well since I haven't been there through your whole marriage, I can't see if there was anything that might have set her up to do that and what not.. Maybe you spend to much time with your friends, or to much time at work.. I don't know. But maybe you could try talking to her again and letting her know how much you care and want to make it work with her. Not many men out there are willing to try, and if you are, then let her know. Do something nice for her to try to make her happy.. A bouquet of roses and a box of chocolates might do the trick.. All you can really do is try to talk it out with her and hope for the best. I wish you the best. Good luck! :)
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