A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my partner over 2 years. He has got 2 kids already. They r lovely boys and we get on very well. It's his ex wife who I can't stand. She still works for my partner, she hardly do anything and still gets paid very good money. When she is shirt of money she will loose it with my partner. Sends him texts how much she hates him and that he can't see his son. She keeps leaving from work and then once she calms down after week she comes back. Worst think is that my partner always takes her back and gives her more money. We argue about it but he keeps walking away when I mention it. She still even haa our house key. He says she needs to have it coz most of kids clothes is in our house. My partner has promised me that if she walks out once again that's it he is gonna replace her at work. I just don't believe him coz he keeps doing favours to her. Really don't know where this is going
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at work, ex-wife, his ex, money, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Cheeks  +, writes (26 August 2010):
 Grow up already. You're not thinking of anyone but yourself by demanding unreasonable things of him simply out of jealousy. Stop pretending like there is some greater cause other than your own rivalry & envy of her power over "your" man. And I hope you’re not really serious about trying for a kid with him. Whats your motivation to have a baby in the first place? To get an upper hand on her when it comes to his loyalties? Either way you have obviously missed an important point: It's not all about you! And whats your place in the big picture? Thats what you should be focusing on instead of trying to take out all the portantial rivals from "your" turf. . Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo that annonymus answer: I am not jelous of his ex. We used to get on pretty well until she gone nuts. I know she is always gonna be there but there is no need to be si cruel and nasty to him. Every 2 months she walks out of him, stops him from seeing son and sends very nasty messages. Then he is worried sick he keeps crying. She treats him like shit and she has a problem with me only coz I look at her. If u say hi to her she hardly responds to me. She keeps complaining nit having money but on the other side she smokes nearly 2 packs a day and take away every night. My biggest concern is that we r trying for a baby and I don't want her to be part if our family
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2010): You are pushing this man into a corner. My second piece of advice: don't give him an ultimatum , either you or the ex wife. Hun, you are coming off second best and you are driving yourself nuts here. You are fighting her all the way. Your partner is not bothere by her pettiness. Why are you? Don't be seen as jealous, don't be seen as insecure and it seems like you are.
You cannot hold it against him that she still works with him. I have many clients whose ex works in the business they both built up. Just bec a marriage goes sour why should the working relationship. Did she work with him prior to the divorce?
You are giving him an ultimatum by year end. Be careful you do not pass your sell by date before then.
-LoveGirl
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank u guys.... I'm sure the case doesn't need to go to court as they have signed shared custody 3 years ago. I think I'm gonna give him till the end of the year and see where we getting.
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A
female
reader, faith5 +, writes (24 August 2010):
My dear my hat goes off to u! Me, myself, I would have put my nikes on a long time ago and ran! He still has feelings for her,that is y he is letting her do the things she's doing! Now that u see ur bringing it up to him means nothing and u get nowhere because he won't even talk to u abt it,its up to u to decided is this the kind of situation u want to stay in! But I must say ur fighting a losing battle when it comes to the ex with kids if he still loves her! And with u allowing them to play their games with each other as u have so far only shows her she still has control no matter who he's with! Good luck!
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (24 August 2010):
 Maybe you should advise your boyfriend to recommend her to work else where, he probably has friends that are willing to offer her a job. Its not a good idea to have the ex working there since she is taking advantage of the situatuion and can easily use the guilt strategy in her favor.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2010): perhaps you need to stop meddling and butt out because you are over reacting.
she works for her ex husband, you are not her boss. if anyone has to get upset it is her ex hb and not her ex's new gf. you should not be concerned how much she gets paid. basically her terms of employment is none of your business.
i think your partner is getting fed up of you bitching about his ex. you need to stop. he needs to see the error of her ways. by you continuously monitoring her and bad mouthing her, what do you expect when he walks away from you.
i agree the keys to your home is a sensitive one. does she go into oyur bedroom when she is there. does she act like that house is hers. or does she just get the boys stuff, do the necessary and get out. basically is she over stepping boundaries.
where this is going? nowhere because you are too paranoid and you have major major issues with is ex. i think you know you do not want to have a amicable relationship with the ex, in fact you detest her. life is unfair and i think you need to realise this as you deal with the ex wife and 2 kids. sure the kids are not an issue but remember, these 2 will always be parents and she will always be in her ex hb's radar.
from the 3 of you only you have issues. i understand you feel she s taking advantage. how long have they been married and how long ago did they divorce. i think you will come across as the insecure replacement if you are not too careful.
it is admirable when 2 parents can be adult enough after a divorce to co parent the kids. these kids are lucky. maybe you need to grow up a little or else your partner may have 3 kids to deal with?
normally it is the ex wife bitching about the new addition in her ex hbs life. if you let small things bother you , you will drive yourself mad. basically i know there is no love lost bet the ex wife and new, but come on, such pettiness? leave the 2 former spouses to deal with their issues. they seem to have a handle on it. You just be who you are, his new life, and end of story. you are itching for a fight with the ex, don't go there. you may just find yourself the loser.
sorry it is not what you want to hear but i have learnt in life to choose my battles. some battles are not worth the effort.
- LoveGirl
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (24 August 2010):
 When I saw the title, I didn't see it as a big deal. I've helped my ex out. My fiance at the time was not happy about my doing so, but I have never been walked all over and disrespected as much as your partner is by his ex-wife.
She seemingly has some emotional issues also. He needs to put his foot down, and remind her that he is her boss, and that from NOW she'll be treated as an employee, and has to follow the same rules and regulations as an employee is required to follow. If she's short money, it's probably because she walked out and didn't get paid for the time she wasn't working. That too would be her fault, and he does not need to advance or give her extra money to compensate for her wrongdoing. When she threatens with the child, that's time for him to consider setting a court case for custody of the child. No parent should put the child in the middle or use a child as a pawn, in an attempt to get the other parent to cater to this abnormal behavior.
You are his partner now, and he needs to respect you, and your relationship. I think he is wrong in the way he is allowing his ex to treat him, and really disrespect your whole family.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (24 August 2010):
It's going nowhere, I'm afraid. She can't stop him seeing his son. He can just take her to court and say she's using the son as a blackmail tactic and get 50/50 custody, perhaps even more if the court think she's unstable. Your boyfriend just isn't toughening up. All those texts, the fact she's virtually unemployable and the fact she blackmails him are good enough reasons to take her to court and get her seriously kicked in the ass. But your boyfriend isn't standing up. And if he won't stand up, this will be your life with him. The time has come to decide whether you'd be better finding a man who isn't so wrapped up with his ex.
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