A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My partner is pregnant and has not stopped smoking - she also drinks occasionally a few drinks at a time...i've kind of got my head round it a bit. However I live with her at her place and hate her smoking when i'm at home - nevermind being bad for the child inside her but i just hate the smoke and have developed a small cough.I don't know what to do - I've mentioned it a little bit but am going out of my mind. I'm a healthy person and am getting sick of the smell.... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, AskEve +, writes (15 June 2007):
 Get some backbone and tell her if she wants to smoke then she does it OUTSIDE the house and not inside, that way you compromise. It might also be a good idea to let her see this link, tell her to read it to see exactly what she's doing to her unborn child.
http://www.helpwithsmoking.com/smoking-and-pregnancy/effects-on-foetus-pregnancy.php
Let her know that smoking while pregnant can stunt the growth of the child, make it more prone to infection and disease once born, cause it stress in the womb as it fights to take in more oxygen and even result in a still birth!
Tell her you'll help her as much as you can to give up the weed and you know it's not easy but at least to TRY and give it a go! If she does decide to try then remember a lot of praise is needed EVERY DAY! Let her know how well she's doing and how proud you are of her. Praise will help her continue. Just remember it IS difficult to give up as it's an addiction but it's not impossible and the benefits she'll feel will speak for themselves.
Eve
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2007): Drinking in pregnancy is fine as long as she keeps to the recomended allowance of 1-2 units per week= 2 small glasses of wine, drinking CANNOT harm a baby, unless she is getting pissed all day every day!In fact smoking can cause more damage as when she smokes that is what the baby is breathing in. Fact. I know this as my friend is a midwife.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2007): I agree with many of these tips and ideas, and I definitely understand your concern for her and the baby. We all know that smoking and drinking can be harmful to the developing fetus. That said, just one thing I want to add. Please, please try to understand how difficult this is for your girlfriend. I have 3 children, and I know how hard it is to stop smoking. I've been there. I spent a lot of time and money trying to quit, even went so far as to go to a hypno-therapist for help. It was so hard, but I finally got to the point where I was controlling the cravings pretty well. Yet, everytime I would look online for help and ideas to stay strong, I would read horrible messages from nasty people with narrow minds saying things like"if you really love your baby, it's not that hard to do". I'm here to tell you that's not true. I love my kids more than anything, and quitting smoking was the hardest thing I've ever done. Please be patient and loving with her, and understand it's not easy and won't happen overnight. Loving support from you is what she needs from you right now, you also may want to suggest she talk with her DR and see if a med may be available that would be safe for her. Remember what so many people who are full of judgement tend to forget,if you've never been a smoker, you can't imagine how hard it is to quit!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2007): Hiya i think you should have a long chat with her and tell her your worries but to be honest 80% of women smoke throughout pregnancy and the babies are fine, smoking during pregnancy doesn't cause any abnormalities but it can cause the child to have asthma, yes its not exactly good for the baby and she should stop but it is her choice.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2007): Hey there. I am a woman, 29, and I have a 3 year old son. Before I got pregnant, I was an occasional drinker (by occasional, I mean about twice a month or so) and a smoker. When I got pregnant, my husband was pressuring me to quit smoking. I told him that I quit drinking, but I felt like smoking was the one thing I had to keep me sane. Don't get me wrong... drinking AND smoking is harmful to an unborn child as we all know, but maybe you could just ask her to smoke outside. I realize pregnancy can be a difficult time, but she has to respect your feelings and opinions as well. I wish you luch with that.
As for the drinking... I would definitely be trying my hardest to make her stop. There is NO exceptions to this. Drinking is a BIG no-no! There are alot of physical defects your child could be born with, and she needs to be made aware of the reprocussions of her actions.
Try to find some websites that she can look at on FAS (fetal alcohol symdrome), etc. Find actual photographs of children with these defects and tell her that she could be possibly doing this to her child.
I am a mother myself, and I am concerned about your posting that I just read. I hope you can get through to her... but be gentle. She needs to be made aware of things, but she is pregnant and also at a place in her life where she needs alot of care. :)
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Dojha +, writes (14 June 2007):
 okay so your partner hates herself and wants to die (trust me all smokers know they are killing themselves very slowly)but i advise you dont let her take you with her to that early grave cos people who are not smokers often suffer dangerous illnesses even cancer from inhaling fumes. and she doenst care about the baby too. how un-motherly! if that word exists.
so heres wot i want you to do. go online and get facts and statistics about effects of smoking especially effect on smoking on non-smokers and pregnant women. if you can go on google and search for images of defected babies that you can show to this woman of yours.
if she isnt moved by any of these real and scientific evidence, the only thing i can suggest is to wait till she delivers the baby and book a private jet to fly u and the baby to some secret smoke-free island.
Jokes aparts. your woman needs serious help. if she wont go see the doctor, bring the doctor home to her.
hope this helps,
Dojha
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2007): i competly know where you're coming from. my dad smokes in the car and even though he rolls down the window it still finds its way to me. i have asthma so that makes it even worse. well i hope you tel your friend that she's slowly killing her baby. is that what she wants?!?! well i think that she's a sorry excuse of a mother especially if she knows that she is jeopardizing the health of the baby. good luck.xoxo
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2007): Ohhh you "developed a small cough" But you say Nevermind to the child inside her?? You're just as selfish as she is. Neither one of you should be having a child.
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A
female
reader, stina  +, writes (14 June 2007):
 Hello Anonymous,
I think this woman needs to have a talk with her doctor about what her smoking could be doing to the fetus. Perhaps your doctor could have more of an influence on her since s/he would have a professional medical background and explain what exactly would happen - the sorts of deformities, etc from a medical standpoint.
Maybe you could find other people who have had children with birth defects after they've smoked and drank during pregnancy. Maybe ask your partner's doctor if there is an organization that will talk to women about their habits and what it does to the fetus.
You say "nevermind" about the future baby, but that is the MOST important thing, in my mind. You can make your own deicision whether or not to stay, but a fetus can't just up and leave if the environment is contributing to health problems. (Well, actually, it can just leave...she could have a miscarriage from her selfish actions).
Please, talk with a professional - at the very least, give your partner some brochures that explain what she is doing to the fetus. Maybe even look up the affects online and print out some info for her.
Another important thing is to try and remain supportive, but that doesn't mean you can't be assertive about her quitting her smoking and drinking habits.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2007): why are you living at her place? As the man you should provide for her, not the other way around. The drinking while pregnant is illegal, tell her you'll call child protection services on her. But as far as the smoking goes, you seem more concerned that u don't like the smell than for the health of your unborn child. You seem selfish & as long as your living under her roof (pathetic) there's not anything you can do. Get your own place then try running things.
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female
reader, Aunty Sarah +, writes (14 June 2007):
 try talking to her, if she willnot listen, then agree a comprimise , i.e she only smokes out side. You have to sort this out together, but remember, she is going through a lot right now as well.
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female
reader, Beckto +, writes (14 June 2007):
 You've mentioned it a little bit?! Only a little bit? Before you go posting on a board asking for advice, you should have already had a "come to jesus" session with her, as we say over here.
Treat the situation as seriously as you feel. Sit her down, turn off the t.v., tell her you need her undivided attention. If you have to write down all the reasons you think she should stop, then fine, write it all down. But, tell her how seriously you're taking this, and how you feel. Developing a cough is a big deal, not to mention what harm it does to the baby.
Think of what you are willing to do if she does not stop. Are you willing to move out if she doesn't stop? Are you willing to go with her to her doctor's appointments to discuss her habits? Are you willing to help her quit? Think of what you will do if she does not stop, and then think of what you are willing to do to help her stop. Discuss all of this in your "meeting."
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, spirited +, writes (14 June 2007):
You HAVE to take control... not for her or yourself... but for that child. The child has a right to be born healthy and strong. She is not being considerate of that fact, so YOU have to take away her cigarettes, take all of the liquor out of the house, and stick to your guns. Also, get an air purifier, that will help with the smell.
But seriously, that baby can develop a LOT of health problems if something is not done.
Good luck!
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