A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi all need your urgent help and opinions.I April I a guy was introduced to me at my aunties birthday. he has worked with her in the past and was around my age.he seemed nice.I text him to say thank you for coming as is normal in my family and from then we stayed in touch via text.At the start of june we had our first date.we had on average a date a week sometimes missing a week. till September and all seemed to be going well.i invited him to a bbq (he brought friends) and he invited me to one and told me to bring friend along.in September we went away for a night (and had sex on serval occasions that night)the week after we could not meet as he was away for work (he had told me before hand that he would be.after that he has some bad news his friend died from cancer and his cousin had a stroke.from September till now (7weeks) i have not seen him.although we have been in communication.i sent a message earliy on asking if we were still dating or is it best to just be friend or friendly (and said I'm here if he needs support at this difficult time)and he said hes sure he will see me soon and we can decide together about our relationship.i don't know what to think or feel.he says he has no time due to seeing his cousin in hospital everyday.he asked me out 1 day in the evening when he could not go to the hospital but i could not make it as it was too short notice.we are still in contact over the phone (mainly texts)and he says his friend funeral was yesterday.please help:I'm confused is it bad timing, is he not interested or wasting my time?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (26 October 2016):
 You are right to wait it out, maybe he is going through a lot, but am sure he could make time in the seven weeks to catch up with you. It is a difficult one but as long as you are not waiting around for him then yes I would just give him his space and see where things go.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for the response
I have been keeping my options open and will continue to.
he responds pretty fast and initiates as well but to me actions are more significant that words (texts)
he stated that he feels like he owes me a weekend
my reply was a tad insensitive (I said more like a week plus)
ill see how things go, however I am not going to put all my eggs in one basket.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 October 2016):
 I would interpret his VERY vague response:
"and he said he's sure he will see me soon and we can decide together about our relationship."
as - YOU two are not a couple now and he isn't sure about you two being on anytime in the future.
Which means you are single and can mingle with others. I would NOT put my life on hold waiting for him to decide he can spare you a couple of hours a week.
Go on with your life, go out with friends, do things, get busy be social. If he pops up and you have time (AND) want to see him sure go for it, but I wouldn't go out of my way.
Personally, I think IF he was KEEN on dating you He would have said something along the lines of " I hope we are still dating!" not that vague blah blah.
And yes, I DO understand that a loss of good friend and another very sick means dating will go on the back burner, but.... I don't like the notion that you should then sit on your hands till whatever time HE deems he has time for it again. He should have just let you go if he doesn't have the time or inclination to date.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (22 October 2016):
 With all that going on (assuming it's true) then I would give him all the space he wants and I would not contact him again. If you don't hear from him for two weeks, consider it over. Even if he called after that, too late. Don't set yourself up with promises to 'remain friends' and 'support him'. He seems to have friends and family to whom he can turn for support, and it just makes you look like a desperate doormat. If and when he calls or texts you, you can respond but be a bit more formal. This is not mean. You're giving him all the space he needs without sacrificing your own well being. Don't offer the perks of a girlfriend until you ARE his girlfriend.
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