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*imply confused
writes: I met this great guy on-line and he has been very upfront and honest with me. He and his ex-girl just broke up 3 months ago. However he states he has not gotten over her and is pretty obsessed with her, and yet he tells me I am 310 times better than her. He is not ready for a relationship and doesn't know if or when he will. He is for real and I am really into him. He told me I have been the only best friend he has ever had and we are together a lot but he is scared. What can I do to shock him into realizing I am the one for him? I know it in my heart! Please help
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2007): well... if he isnt over his ex he isnt worth your time. he will always want her bacck no matter what. even if she cheated on him. and when he is with you he will only be thinking about her! find someone that is into you and not other women. Guys have problems and for some reason can not let go of their past. its sad but true. Good luck!
stay true
peace
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2005): Wow! This is exactly what im going through with one of my best friends. Typically i didnt fancy him (i was getting over someone) when he wanted me, but now hes getting over his ex and i can barely stand to hear about it, but being a good friend too. Anon writer ur advice is top and i think i'll take it too. Cheers x
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reader, Your big sis +, writes (7 June 2005):
 Hmmmm.... You wish to pursue a relationship with a man who openly told you that he is OBSESSED WITH ANOTHER WOMAN. Honey, wake up! He already told you he is not ready for another relationship. What is with women who think they can change a man overnight? C'mon girls, get with it. We always say men never listen, men never open up and be honest. But here you are...You need to listen to exactly what he is saying...You are nice and you are a good friend, nothing more. Stop taking friendliness for more than it is. I'm sorry to seem harsh, but it's only because I care.
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reader, liam177lewis +, writes (7 June 2005):
Basically everyone who likes someone thinks that they were meant to be. If he's so madly in love with this other girl, then let him be... I gave someone some advice a while back and I think it applies here: "he'll either get over it, or under her"x
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2005): How do you know it? Because you want it so bad? That means he is the one for you- maybe. He is the one for you if you deserve a wounded soul who thinks of another woman constantly. So He is perfect if you are nothing and almost unmemorable, second rate, and unappealing enough to barely be noticed. Wow, I didn't think anyone is that horrible. Well, other than those who use and abuse others, or are selfish and controlling.... Okay, could be you. But I bet you sell yourself short.He is honest and that is a great start someday down the line. But does he deserve someone who doesn't care he feels like he is dying inside? Or does he deserve to be healthy and work though the pain so that he is totally available and baggage free for the real love of his life?The real love would realize he is not going anywhere soon and that she should date around and have a bit of fun never holding up her own life for anyone. She stays healthy and thus encourages him to do the same. Let him cry on her shoulder and understand that he might be devastated for at least as long as his comittment to his ex. Much longer if he tries to be a cad and pretend any woman can fix that. Think about it, how often does that work out? His next relationship can only work if he goes through the berevement that must happen from the loss he suffered from the last. Forcing anything because you want it means you probably are not the one or just are so sexually hot at the moment that you had not thought things through. So good thing you were responsible enough to think before proving yourself unworthy in a fit of temporary insanity! I don't mean to hurt you. I have tried to "help" many amazing men. Unfortunately, most of them were still in love with a girl that immediately reconsidered his good points as soon as some other girl noticed said good points.But you don't have to wait or worry, nor should you just pine away and hope. If you want to keep yourself honest and nudge things to your best advantage, do this:Continue to act as his "only real friend" and lay in wait (so to speak). He will eventually come around if he is attracted to you and you -subtly- peak his interest-subtly! How? Keep living a life that is an example of what he is missing out on- fun , exciting.... anything but depressing or desperate.Don't sleep around, do listen and gauge the situation regularly, don't brag about all your dates but live a life that is fun, single, and make yourself seem better to hang out with than time speant with no one and sulking. Be patient and there for him and be a life line to the outside world. Then eventually tell him to buck up. Change the subject to anything non-romantic. Just be cute, sweet and say or do nothing that resembles pressureing him to deny his feelings. Occasionally (later in the game) end conversations by hinting to the fact many men are after you or say you have to go because youve been set up against your will for anothe date- hope this one does not become attached unless he is quality like him. Don't lie necessarily but allude to your desirability after hinting to your crush on him so that he is interested not disqusted... Let him think your friends want you to find "the one". In fact, have your friends set you up just to practice dating. Hey maybe make a friend or two. Somehow plant dating for datings sake in his mind- fake it till you make it.That will take the pressure off and free him up to think about you.Disaster strikes if you come on too soon or too strong. I say to lessen that possibility, make alot of men stand up and say to YOU "I'm good enough and lovable. I will prove myself to you!" You need to become used to being the prize. You've got the goods lady, so don't forget that. Being treated as woman should be (good female goal) is harder to find these days than female genitals (average male goal). Half the globe have those, but real women take charge of their own life and demand respect and love. Sometimes, that has to be encouraged. Two major things that I believe are accomplished by this method where you make him come get it: 1- men like to pursue (hunt) and they will really become amazing lovers after a good conquest. So a wise woman makes that conquest well fought for and therefore well worth it.And 2- more important in the long run, they will have decided to get you and gone for it deliberately. You can only do so much, but think about what men you really respect look for in women and be that until you are. This will keep you busy while you wait for his heart to mend. Be Smart, nonjudgemental, loving, quasi-pure and for the one guy who earns it, all slut.So to recap: popular is attractive even when an illusion. It never fails that when you act as if your interested, (flattery) but somewhat unsure because there are others to choose from, (popular), then people will want to prove their worth to you. Think about it- you know it works. It is working on you afterall.
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reader, Shane +, writes (7 June 2005):
Hey there,Well from what I can see he means a lot to you, and he seems to think highly of you too. Unfortunatley, the old rule 'don't make anyone do what they're not ready for' comes into play once again here.I don't think that you have much choice on the matter. You have to respect that he's still upset about his ex. If he really means that much to you, be there for him as a friend, and don't push your own agenda. What he really needs now is a good friend.Hopefully, he'll get over her soon and be ready to commit to a relationship with you. However, it might take time. Even if he decides that a relationship between the two of you wouldn't work, at least you've been a decent human being and been there for him in his hour of need. Either way, you win.Don't push him into something he's not ready for, otherwise you'll just wind up hurting both yourself and him.Hope this helps, and best of luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2005): Before you do anything. just remember that you only know him from over the interne. You don't know what he is really like.And I'm sorry to tell you this, but it sounds like he could be playing you on. If it has been 3 months since he has broken up with this other girl and still he keeps talking about her it sounds to me that he thinks that she is the one for him and that him telling you that you are 310 times better tells me that he is keeping you as a reserve.Or maybe it's just that he wants to go out with you, he just can't let go of his last relationship.If you really think that he is the one for you there are ways you might be able to win him over.Talk to him. Convince him that she is bad and nasty for leaving you and that you would never do anything like that! In other words you=good and she=bad.But my advice to you is move on or prepare to work hard to get this relationship to work.
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reader, psychic1 +, writes (7 June 2005):
You say what can you do to shock him into knowing that you are the one for him. I can give you the answer but you won't like it. If you really care about this guy then you have to put your needs to one side & allow him to figure out who he wants with no interference or communication from you. Instead of listening to him being so unsure, help him by telling him that you have heard what he is saying clearly. Allow him to have the time he needs to actually miss your company & comfort. Only then will he be able to decide for himself if you are the one. If you keep trying to persuade him you will only push him back to his old girlfriend.
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