A
male
age
51-59,
*he irish celt
writes:I am a 34 year old male and am dating a 41 year old woman for two weeks now everything is going great between us. we have not had sex yet as i am prepared to wait till she is ready, but the problem is she has a 21 year old daughter who is worried that i am only using her for sex which is not true how can i prove to the daughter that im not just using her mother for sex. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, duce00  +, writes (5 September 2007):
 I think the factor here is simply a protective daughter. This happens at all ages for the children of single parents. Im of the opinion to NOT discuss it with the daughter untill you have discussed it with the mother. I wouldnt want a woman making a unilateral decision with my daughter after only 2 weeks no matter how old my daughter was. Dont ever mess with the bond between a parent and a child. Parents and children can be fiercly protective over eachother. The flip side is that its based out of love. The daughter wants her mom to be happy. If you treat her mom well and give her the happiness she is longing for then you could easily become a saint to the daughter. Its a delicate situation at first my friend, but I think you will fair just fine if you show the mother respect and take her lead in warming the daughter up to you.
Best of luck,
Duce
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2007): what exactly does it have to do with the daughter. It is between you and her mum. Tell her you respect her mum and basically it has nothing to do with her. enjoy your life. take care
xx
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A
female
reader, lildeesbg +, writes (5 September 2007):
 Well obviously this situation had to happen to this girls mother once before. I assume this because if you are only dating each other for 2 weeks thats rather soon for someone to judge anothers persons intent. It seems as if you really like this women and would want to see where this goes. Therefore, my advise is sit down with the mother and the daughter together and confront this problem. I feel that if you sit them down together it shows that your serious about this and it proves to the daughter that your willing to be open and honest with her mother.~dee
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A
female
reader, Cateyes +, writes (4 September 2007):
 I have to agree with "AskEve" about having a talk with the daughter, maybe this will put her mind at ease...at least for a time. Then with your actions toward her Mom, she will see that you mean no disrespect towards her what so ever and that you really do want to get to know her and in hopes there is a future for the both of you. Being said, you could always reverse this as well...meaning, how do you know her Mom might not use you for sex? There are the almighty Cougers around! In today's world, no one ever knows...show some concern on your side as well, that you to do not want to be hurt or get hurt and you are wanting to be patient in getting to know her Mom.
Best of luck in your new found friend! :)
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A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (4 September 2007):
 Take her daughter aside when she's on her own and have a quiet word with her. - "I just wanted to have a quick word and let you know that I like your mother very much. It is still very early in the relationship but I would never do anything to hurt your mum as I respect her too much for that. It hurt me that you think I'm just using her for sex in fact I've never touched your mum apart from kiss her. I can understand your concerns as you love your mum very much but know that I would never intentionally hurt her or anyone I cared for. I admire you for looking out for her though and hope you and I can be friends." - This should set the record straight.Eve
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A
male
reader, legacy +, writes (4 September 2007):
Treat her mom with respect and love like it sounds you have for her. If mom is happy then the rest of the family will see it and things will take care of themselves. There is nothing you can "do" to appease the daughter other than be your self. Let momma take care of her daughter and maybe this is one of those things that the daughter has to learn to deal with in her own way. Good luck and your friend sounds lucky to have you.
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