A
male
age
41-50,
*avel38
writes:Wwhere I used to work I used to exchange occasional emails with a colleague, she was quite quiet and shy in the office but always warm and friendly towards me. She did have a boyfriend with whom she seemed totally loved up and the only time I ever saw her come out socially in almost a year of working together was to my leaving do (with her bloke)- when she left that night she whispered to me to make sure I kept emailing her.A few weeks into my new job I did, she replied and then after a couple more emails I suggested meeting up for lunch one day I was on leave, which she immediately accepted and said she'd look forward to. We met up for lunch, got on fine, I tend to be a nice guy and as it was her birthday the week before I bought her a birthday card, a gesture which she seemed really flattered by. When we parted we kissed on the cheek, and everything seemed fine.That was 3 weeks back, I've emailed her twice and had no reply, can't work out why. She wasn't going on holiday, wasn't immediately intending to leave work, etc. I've never said to her or anyone that knows us that I quite like her, could it be perhaps that she feels awkward that we met up as it's now dawned on her ? I've no intention of making a move on someone who's attached, just like her as a person and we got on as mates, I only have her work email address to contact her, what should I do if anything ? Thanks.
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male
reader, pavel38 +, writes (5 September 2007):
pavel38 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your answers. I've ended up sending her an email just asking if she was ok given it's been nearer a month now since we last caught up - none of our other old colleagues are aware that her and I keep in touch or meet up and she is a very quiet person at work so they wouldn't know if something was up with her/split with boyfriend etc.I did clarify that I regarded her as a 'mate', and I had no intentions of making any kind of move on her as she had a boyfriend, in case she felt uncomfortable that I might be making a move. From past experience women have often said they had no idea that I actually liked them however, so in a way I didn't mind at least 'planting the seed' that if the situation were different I could be interested.When we had lunch we were chatting about her bloke and she did say she wasn't sure they were going to last, so whilst I'd never want to break a couple up if someone likes me she needs some kind of a sign as to whether I might feel the same way to help her work out what she wants or who she wants to be with - I'd feel pretty silly if in afew years time she told me she really liked me but I never gave her any impression I felt the same way.
A
female
reader, stawberry01 +, writes (4 September 2007):
 She may feel a bit awkward with the fact that she has a boyfriend but going out for a dinner dosent mean you are out on a date you can just be friends and nothing would happen let her know this it may work it may for the both of you being friends having someone to talk to, But dont hide your feelings get them out in the open it could be for the best.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (4 September 2007):
 You wait... that's what you do. It might be she's feeling a bit guilty for meeting you when she has a boyfriend, especially if her feelings are growing for you. It could also be that her boyfriend found the card you gave her and is giving her a hard time about it and she's promised him she won't get back in touch with you or it could be that she's seen you're far keener on her than she is on you and has decided it's better to just cut ties before anything more comes of it. Whatever her reason it's up to HER to get back to you so sit tight. If she really does like you then she will reply no matter what. Even if she's lost your email address she can still make an excuse and get it from work colleagues so just be patient.Eve
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