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My nineteen year old lover wants me to leave my husband for him! I'm so confused on what to do...

Tagged as: Cheating, Marriage problems, Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 March 2010) 9 Answers - (Newest, 18 March 2010)
A female United Kingdom age , anonymous writes:

I've done something really bad, but it happens every Saturday night, I'm a fifty year old lady and I'm married. I've had sex with an nineteen year old and he loves it and wants me to leave my husband and live with him, I do enjoy his sex but I have a husband who is lovely, I can't look him in the face. Please can you help! Do I leave my husband for the lad? Or do I stay with husband and tell him the truth, I'm confused on what to do...

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2010):

Well,sex seems powerful. The only thing ,I like about this story, that is not a 50 year old guy ,dumping his wife ,for a 19 year old beginner, but ,the opposite. It kind of admirable.AS our society is completely ok ,when grandpa brings home the school girl.But-old woman has no value. Times are changing. The other problem is ,that usually, the 30 year older man will have a hard on ,10 years later ,if he sees his nice young wife, but I THINK THE 30 year older lady might not have the power to keep his wild horse..

What does your lovely husband doing in bed?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2010):

so what are you saying........you confessed to having sex with a 19 year old, your hb just accepted it and life goes on while you cheat with a mere boy. your hb really should look up the term cuckold. baffling, really.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Hey, thanks for all your input, I have told him the whole truth, and he is ok with it, was a bit setback but said it's fine and loves me too much for us to seperate. This is how it started, he walked in on me crying, and said what's up and told him the truth, he had tears in his eyes and started to hug me, he said aslong as you still love and care for me, it's too much for us to leave a 22 year marriage, I still now say sorry. Thanks people for the help

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A reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2010):

Do you leave your lovely husband for a 19-year old boy who is is 31 years old younger than you? Because the sex is good? I guess that depends. Can you build a relationship around sex? do you have anything else in common with this boy? Will you feel comfortable going around with him to raves and concerts and sports with his 19 year old friends? Will he feel comfortable going around with you to your 50 year old friends, meeting their kids who are all probably older than him? Does this 19 year old have a home... or does he still live with his parents? Do either of you work and have a career? Can you support him? Do you see this lasting? Or will he tire of you in year and move on? What about your husband? Do you still love him? Have you been together for a long time? Will he be devasted if you leave?

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A male reader, ulick Italy +, writes (13 March 2010):

ulick agony auntThis sounds like a joke. You are 50 and you wanna leave your husband for a 19 year old kid???? The parents of the kid will probably kill you before you move in.

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A female reader, Angzw Zimbabwe +, writes (12 March 2010):

I'm sorry dear but it is unlikely that this would last if you moved in with him. You have to have the ability to see around corners. So sit down with a piece of paper and predict where your relationship will be with this young guy 1 year from now? 5 yrs from now? 10 years from now when you are 60? Seeing each other every single day? Living in the same house with bills and laundry? He is young so he doesn't really know what he wants; he lives for the moment! He doesn't live for the future. You've had your cake, you've eaten it; its time to put a stop to this madness. In my opinion, don't tell your husband because your marriage may not survive such a big scandal. Just stop seeing this young guy and forget about him. This young guy is completely enchanted by the sexiness that women your age exude and he may even think he loves you! But really what does he know? Can he take care of you? What about 10 years from now when you are retiring? What about when he wants kids? After my divorce I dated a man who was 10 years younger and he also asked me to marry him and all this fantasy talk but I had to think with my head and not with my heart. That is just life. You can't have it all so you go for the best odds with the best outcome in the coming future. By your own admission your husband is wonderful so forget this young guy and work on your marriage.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2010):

You have to look at this from the bigger picture. You're a fifty year old woman and he is a 19 year old boy, it isn't going to last.

The boy will get very bored, very quickly. He's not going to want a full time commited relationship with you. He will want fun and date girls no matter how much he says he wants to be with you.

If you were to leave your husband for this boy.. He will most likley leave you after a while for someone his own age, he will want to go out regular, or he will probably cheat on you. Also, what would people and your family think?!

Where as with your husband it's all set up for you, you say he's lovely and i'm sure you've been with him some years. I'm sure he's more your age too?

It looks like you've got caught up in this and a little confused. I'd look at this as just 'fun sex' which was a mistake and didn't mean anything. I'm not saying it was right to do it. But yeah you had a good time, but it's not going to be like that forever, i'd leave it as that.

Don't leave your husband for him, it will probably be the biggest mistake you'll ever do. You're old enough to be his grandmother.

Where as telling your husband, i'd keep this quiet. You will break his heart and he will NEVER trust you again and loose all respect for you. Never kiss and tell. I know you say you can't look him in the face but I think you should live with this guilt because what he dont know can't hurt him. Plus as the time goes on you will slowly forget this ever happened.

Don't leave your husband for him, you'll end up living alone!

All the best.

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A female reader, ElectricSheep United States +, writes (12 March 2010):

ElectricSheep agony auntDon't leave your husband for this young guy!!! This "lad" is in it just for the thrill and won't stick around for long.

You can tell the truth to your husband, or just totally stop any form of communication with the other guy after you tell him that you want to stay with your LOVELY husband.

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A female reader, kayla20 United Kingdom +, writes (12 March 2010):

kayla20 agony aunti think you need to be honest with your husband if he loves you hel stick by you and realise you have made a mistake i no its exciting when someone younger shows interest in you and makes you feel like your on top of the world but you got married to your husband and that is supposed to be through bad and good.you have to think that this is just a bit of fun for this 19 yr old however he tries to convince you that he wants you to live together and be in a relationship.you have to remember what 19 yr olds are like they arent looking for commitment and when something better comes along they are off like a shot.have you been out in public with this 19 yr old???i no this might sound abit harsh but if you left your husband for him and got into a relationship what would this guy say to all of his friends/family/acquaintances are you sure he doesnt see you as a mother figure???i no its possible to have a relationship with this sort of age gap but you have to be sure about what you are doing and how serious he is before you go ahead with this i mean your husband obviously has no clue about the affair and im guessing you have been with him for some years and strayed because the excitement has fizzled from your relationship but you have a life with your husband who you obviously still care for if you and your husband ended and you moved in with the 19 yr old you have to think what happens if you ever split up youd have nothing.just make sure you have a good think about how everyones lives are going to be affected in this im sure the 19yr olds parents wouldnt be too pleased to here he is in a relationship with someone who is old enough to be his mother (no offence) im just trying to be very honest with you

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