A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:im 16, pretty independent, mature an very respectful. but lately ive been stressed out an realy upset cause of my mum. she is extremely controlling, in fact she grounded me until i am mature! my mum knows my dream is to be a great chef, and she is doing everything to prevent it tryin to make me live the life she wants. she is makin me do my last year at school rather than my apprenticeship, and wants me to be a lawyer. an if i don't do as she wants she kicks me out of the house! what do i do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (30 March 2010):
 I think she is right in telling you to finish school. Your life will be a lot better if you know you've got a high school diploma. Clearly, she's got your best interest in mind. If you have the opportunity to do an apprenticeship, talk to the people in charge of that and tell them that you have your last year of school to finish. Maybe they'll find a way to work apprenticing around your schedule, or maybe they'll let you defer it for a year.
After you finish school, which is a good idea, then you should definitely do what YOU want to do. If your dream is to be a chef, get into culinary school and do your best. Beyond your high school career, your Mother no longer has control. You can ultimately go to school for whatever you want - all though, she may not fund it, and you may have to get your own apartment.
Talk to her, agree to finish your degree and then discuss your career choice and why it's your passion. If you become a lawyer just to appease her and not because you truly enjoy it, you'll resent her in the end.
Good luck, sweetness!
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (30 March 2010):
My awkward side says walk out. But I know that's not the best thing. So, compromise. Finish school, then make your career choice. Make sure you have the best grades you possibly can to make sure you get a good start. Then tell her you want to be a chef and that's it. Don't her kill your dream. But make sure you're in the best possible position to follow it.
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female
reader, KateMcL  +, writes (30 March 2010):
 Hun,Im sure my step-sister knows exactly what your going through because as I am typing this my step-dad is picking her up because her mom through her out because she wouldnt "obey" her rules.
Hun,speak to your dad!..dont let anyone hold you back!..if you want to do an apprenticeship go ahead and do it!...its your life!
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A
female
reader, wh_babe +, writes (30 March 2010):
Your mum thinks that she is only doing what is best for you although that isn't what you want. Try talking to her about it. Honestly babe I really know how you feel. Meet her half way and at least finish your last year at school and then see how things are. At the end of the day she can't make you do something you don't want to do. x
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A
female
reader, Ich_liebe_dich  +, writes (30 March 2010):
 Parents, Mother... why is it always like that! when their child was born, they are so happy that they have very beautiful baby to play with and a baby to make them happy. When the child starting to grow up. they are not learning how to let go, they think this baby came from a toy to a robot. Their child must follow what they want and if the child dont do it either they punnish or make a crazy spell to their child, hurting them in a emotional way. why some parents never learn from the Mother Bird".. when the bird was born the mother fly and look for a food to feed when the baby starting to fly the mother is trying to support the baby untill the baby learn how to depend on their own wings. when the baby can fly by them self the Mother bird let their babies go. and always be their when their babies need"s help. You know what, if you are really able to stand on your own then show and prove it to her. But at least make it sure that you are doing the right thing or else if you cant handle that better listen to her, sometimes Mother can advice too.
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A
female
reader, EbonyBlossom +, writes (30 March 2010):
 There aren't many things you can do without being drastic. But she shouldnt kill your dream, that is very wrong. There is nothing less respectful than a parent crushing their child's dream in order to fulfil their own. You are supposed to put your children first.
Firstly, do any other relatives know how you feel that would stand up for you? If you can't talk your mum round, maybe she would listen to someone older, like your grandparents, an aunt or uncle or one of her close friends.
You could study and get a job at the same time, and move out when you're 18 and do your apprenticeship then.
Or, you could find someone who you could stay or lodge with. If my Mum was behaving as yours is I don't think I'd want to live with her!
Your Mum might even be swayed if you showed her this page. Maybe when she sees that people are on your side and not hers, and the points they bring up, she might realise that she's making a mistake and that you're being unfairly treated.
Never let your Mum kill your dreams. You gotta keep trying, no matter how long it takes =]
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A
male
reader, Myau +, writes (30 March 2010):
 It would be best to finish school, you never know, Cooking might not be for you. Having options is always the best way as life tends to take rather odd turns.
Besides you can always come back to it later.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (30 March 2010):
 Talk to your dad and seek his opinions.
Some parents do not care if their children are not interested in a certain vocation. They decides whats best for their children whether they have any inclinations or not.
They want their children to be what they wanted without giving the children a choice to choose what they would like to be.
You do not have much choice unless you can find some one who will sponsor you for the apprenticeship.
You should finish your last year at school and then can think about this apprenticeship again.
If it does not work out, you have other options . Some day you can realize your dreams of becoming a great chef.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2010): Growing up means standing up to people we think are wrong. And this is hardest when that person has our respect. Like our friends and family.
Sometimes you have to stand up and be an adult and do what YOU want to do. Not what your parents THINK you should do.
Besides, you're only 16. Plenty of time left to do an apprenticeship. And why do you do both. I'm pretty sure you can do both an apprenticeship and schooling at the same time. They may even let that apprecticship count towards your grades if you organise things properly.
Flynn 24
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2010): You said it yourself, you're independent and mature... so move out and then you can do as you please.
If you're not able to do this, then maybe you're not as independent and mature as you thought.
Your mother didn't carry you for 9 months and then raise you for 16 years so she can spend the rest of her life pissing you off. She loves you and wants the best for you so LISTEN TO HER.
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female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (30 March 2010):
Her house, her rules. Finish school, move out, then follow your dreams.
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male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (30 March 2010):
 I can only guess that you mom wants you to keep your options open. Leaving school without finishing cuts off lots of options. Sounds to me like she's got your best interests at heart. Might not hurt you to have a chat with her.
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