A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My fiancé has several sexual videos and pictures taken with past girlfriends. I found them beforeand we almost broke up. He told me he wouldget rid of them yet one year later I see byhis compter history he has them hiddenon a file on his computer. This is a man I am supposed to marry and love very much. Should I stay or find someone else?
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female
reader, rachibear87  +, writes (30 March 2010):
Oh my word. Having sexual pictures and videos with an ex is bad enough, but hiding them aswell! Do you think he would stay with you if you done this to him ? Do you believe you deserve this ? If i was in your shoes i would be asking myself if thats all he's hiding. I dont believe you can have a relationship without trust...
Good luck honey. I hope everything works out for the best. x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2010): This is extremely disrespectful to you. I would never tolerate it. It's bad enough that he keeps the stuff period (what a perv), but it's even worse that he has no respect for your feelings.
What's the point of having this stuff except to watch it? Does he really expect you to be cool with him whacking off to videos of his ex's? Seriously?
I mean, yeah, to have memories of those events is one thing, but to watch the videos? Totally different.
If this was my guy, I would've destroyed the videos out of anger. Yeah, it's wrong to do that to other people's property, but when push comes to shove you better believe I'm shoving hard!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (30 March 2010):
I'm sorry you found all this. But in I way I'm glad. I say that because now you know your fiance really is. He's a liar and has videos of his ex's. Leave him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2010): Keeping sexual explicit images of ex's is bad enough.
Lying and hiding things is a lot worse. Think carefully about the type of man you want to settle down with.
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A
male
reader, Kenj +, writes (30 March 2010):
 Thats not really on to keep these images even in a relationship where your not engaged but it makes it 10 times worse as he is supposed to making a lifetime comittment to you.
If he truly loved you he would respect your wishes especially if he knows how strongly you felt about them.
You may have some thinking to do as to if you really and truly want to spend the rest of your life with this man.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2010): I think it is wrong to keep pictures for fantasy purposes of women he has previously been involved with emotionally. It is wrong and disrespectful to you and the relationship he has in the 'here and now'. Secondly, he has lied to you to keep you quiet and hope you will forget and he can carry on with his dirty secret. I would no way stay with a man that did that to me. We all have flashbacks to previous loves or sexual experiences - but they are simply that. Flashbacks in our mind - fleeting thoughts which may or may not make us smile. What he is doing is not like porn - where the people are acting and you don't know them. His version is a form of cheating - re-living it when it pleases him. He has lied to you over this... what is next? What else has he lied about? Do you trust him? It is up to you whether you make excuses for his behaviour but marry him... think twice.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2010): Is the fact that he has the videos that's the problem? or the fact that he lied and said he would get rid of them?
Personally I wouldn't be too bothered about the videos/pictures.. not much different to porn, just that he's starring in it.
I'd be more concerned that he lied to you, rather than just explaining to you why he wants to keep them (eg. 'i'm ready to settle down and get married now but would still like to keep some proof that i was once a stud') hahaa.
It's up to you, but if he has a somewhat understandable reason for wanting to keep them, and apopgises for lying.. I'd be inclined to give him another chance.
Goodluck matey xx
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A
female
reader, Myrrh +, writes (30 March 2010):
 Hi. I know on the face of it, he has "only" hidden things regarding old girlfriends, but....
You have just realised you are about to marry someone who can lie to you, hide things and not respect your wishes. That is really worrying. It might be time to have a heart to heart talk with him and decide if this is really someone you want to share the rest of your life with. I would be reluctant to make such a big decision regarding your future, when he clearly cant be trusted to behave in a reasonable manner. If he cant be trusted to keep his word to you over something like this, how can you trust him over major issues? Its worth asking yourself that. Some might tell you to pander to his bad behaviour, ie make him new videos of the pair of you to substitute what hes been hiding. Im not sure id feel like rewarding his bad behaviour by doing that! But its your decision.
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