A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I am having an affair with a married man and have been for over 6 yrs, we are both in our late 50's,we both care for each other very much and get on really well and enjoy seeing each other.we can't break it off so please no moral judgments.it's just that sometimes he says the strangest things to me.Like today for instant he well known where we live and today he was going to be opening an exibition and his wife was going to be there also. l do casually know his wife,the thing is he asked me to come along and as he had to go to another event after he said he would ask his wife to drive me home. I didn't go as i didn't think it was ok to.I have been to other events where his wife has been present but i don't like going.i know this may sound silly but i would just feel uncomfortable having her drive me home,What i don't understand is why he want's to put me in this awkward situation all the time .he doesn't see anything wrong with what he suggest.he's even told me to drop in and have a coffee with her at his home.help i'm confused,why is he doing this.
View related questions:
affair, married man Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Elydiese  +, writes (11 September 2011):
maybe because he can and he gets off on it and as for "we can't break it off so please no moral judgments." dont make excuses you dont have to be with a married man who will never leave his wife for you, you just have to find someone who actually cares enough about you to be with you only
A
female
reader, hot4shoes  +, writes (10 September 2011):
 He's a sadist and wants you to suffer. You've made a major mistake and you think this dude actually cares for you. Believe me he doesn't. If he did he wouldn't want you to suffer. My advise to you is for you to find another guy to "entertain" and then ask your married lover to go hang out with him. He wouldn't dream of it. Take control sister! Don't let this poor excuse of a man consume your life. If you want to bang him, that's fine.... just face the fact that he is using you for his own slimy fetish.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (10 September 2011):
 It's amazing... the extent that some of us guys will go to assuage our guilt.... AND not even seem to care how uncomfortable we may be making others.....How does his wife feel about you and him having a fling? Do you have to worry that - on the way home - she is going to open your door and then perform a sharp left-hand turn?Good luck.....
...............................
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (10 September 2011):
 Does his wife have no hint of the affair whatsoever? Its been 6 years after all. Maybe she has started getting suspicious, so he wants to "clarify" himself by getting her to befriend you so he can say, "Look, if I was cheating on you with her, would I ever introduce you to her?" It seems planned.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (10 September 2011):
 This could be one of two things I think.
1. He's trying to hasten a crisis. I'm with Abella. If he's mixing you up with his wife, he might have additional women on the side. He doesn't want to break it off with you, but he might want you to break it off with him.
2. He wants his wife to put two and two together. We all know that 6 years in adultery-ville is a long shelf life. Much longer than most affairs which burn bright and then fizzle or are found out. Either way, sounds like he's all-around bored and wants excitement, hence #1.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (10 September 2011):
 Why, indeed ? I am scratching my head , this is so very weird.Bizarre.
Unless it's like the " hidden letter " in Edgar Allan Poe's story. You put in evidence what you are supposed to hide ,it's counterintuitive, so it will go undetected.
Maybe he thinks that if he gets your wife to befriend you and viceversa, she will never find out there 's any hanky - panky going on, because which husband would be so cheeky ( except hers,poor soul ) to encourage that his wife and his lover should hang out together. So, she will assume you and him are just good friends , even if something a bit suspicious should come up.
The best thing it's asking HIM why. And don't let him be elusive, be precise : what advantage does he expect from this ?... what's in it for him ?.
...............................
A
female
reader, sweetiebabes  +, writes (10 September 2011):
 My Dad did this to my Mom as well. He had a mistress and a serious one, he introduced her as a friend and became our family friend, later we found out he was his mistress because she got pregnant. My mom got devastated.I feel he is doing this as his way to have you both (wife and you) without his wife's suspicion. This is the safest way he can do because he knows you will keep the secret between you and him. For as long as you are like a friend of the family, the wife will not doubt about it.Question is, how long are you going to take this kind of situation? You need to speak with him your concern and let him understand your feelings. He has to put a stop of you meeting his wife, this will lower your self-esteem more.
...............................
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (10 September 2011):
 Sadly your married lover is trying to get you to do his dirty work for him. Either he is hoping you will tell his wife about the affair and that his wife, outraged, will divorce him.
Or he is hoping that when you say something he can act outraged and use that as an excuse to distance himself from you as a means to break up.
Guys of influence do not get there by being Mr Nice Guy all the time. They get there because they are good at playing politics and good at manipulating others.
If he really cared he would have divorced his wife by now and started to protecting your reputation. As it is he is possibly winding down the relationship.
He may also get a thrill seeing the two of your together. Watch your back, there may be a third and a fourth girl to join you in the car if this guy can get a haren started.
What he is doing is inappropriate. And in no way are you protected from being dumped at any time.
Find a nice widower or divorced or even single man and pursue such a man with a view to forming a relationship where you are the star with the man 24/7 not .05/7
You know deep in your heart that you are worth more than he is offering. You miss out on all the nicest public holidays. You miss out on all the nicer companion opportunities because he is spreading himself too thin.
...............................
|
