A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a "relationship" with a married man for 7 years. We see each other every now and again and really enjoy each other physically, emotionally and psychologically. He was always honest with regards to his status and that was fine with me. I am a single mother who does not want to jeapordise her children's needs/emotional security by getting into a "normal" relationship until they are fully grown and independant.Going back to "the man"...he has expressed for some time now, that he would enjoy "same room sex" or a "threesome" (preferably a woman, because he may feel threatened by another man)....i am not at all comfortable with this at all...i am a very jealous type and would feel hurt and offended having him stare at another naked woman in such close proximity to me...he says he wants to please me, he wants me screaming in extasy and enjoyment...?? I told him he was free to go and persue a threesome if he wished, but that he should just keep it to himself and wear protection ! That is however not what he would like....he wants ME there and would not want to have sex with the other woman ?? I do not understand this...please explain why he is so obsessed with this ? Thank you...
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question....hmmmmm...looks like I got some of you going...! Perhaps I should not have been completely truthful about my situation, but rather kept the "married man" part to myself and presented a half truth to avoid all the stones ! Isn't that what most people do ?? Trust me, I know too well that a mistress always "sucks the hind tit" !!! Never sharing a movie or dinner out, always hiding...stolen moments..certainly not fun ! I consider myself to be a very intelligent, articulate and educated woman, however that seems to be one part of my life that I admittedly cannot make any sense of and have little control over...I love and am in love with a married man !!!...and I am not the first and the last one. I thank those of you who gave me critical, yet constructive advise...to those who found it necessary to judge me and attack me...i hope you feel better !! xxx
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (4 July 2011):
 Yep, he's about to trade up. I hope you kept your day job.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2011): i tend to agree with the Aunt who also believes your married man is tired of you now.
he tired of his wife...he is now tired of you.........wants a "legitimate" way of bringing in a newer piece of meat.
OP you are just not too quick on the take here: why do you think you are any different to him. he is having his pie and eating it too: not just from two pies but from a variety.
"...I am a single mother who does not want to jeapordise her children's needs/emotional security by getting into a "normal" relationship until they are fully grown and independant......" THIS IS A LOAD OF BULL AND YOU KNOW IT!!!!!!
"...he wants me screaming in extasy and enjoyment...??..." I'M CONFUSED: does he want another woman to take you to heights you have not experienced before with him????
LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (4 July 2011):
 As much as it may be your belief that no one person can fulfill all your needs, this man does not share this view because he made vows to be faithful to this women until death do him part. So he is simply a liar and a cheat.
If those are your beliefs then fine, I actually agree in some ways. But I dont agree with cheating - if you want multiple partners for different needs then do that with single men, not with married men. His wife will not share your views either, so all you are doing his hurting her, participating in an affair and justifying it will your beliefs. It doesnt matter what you believe here, it matters what his wife believes. And the vows they made to each other matter. And I can tell you now, she is not going to agree with you, and if she ever found out about this sordid affair he would drop you faster than you could ever imagine, because the woman being used for physical needs is never as important as the woman who is there for emotional needs.
You are fooling yourself by being with this man, using your rationale about different people for different needs to justify what is in essence, morally wrong and pretty low. They made vows to each other to love, be faithful, through good times and bad - they did not agree to ever share each other so you are helping him break these vows. If you chose not to believe in monogamy or marriage then great, but it doesnt mean that you can destroy other people's marriages just because of your own beliefs.
As everyone else has said - he is now bored of sex with you so wants to get another woman involved. This is not surprising when you are having an affair, he is not the type to be faithful to any woman and will keep getting bored with whoever he is with. He is now bored of you, the affair is not exciting anymore because it has been going on so long it is no longer forbidden and naughty. Hence he wants to do something to spice it up.
If you had any sense then you would get out of this, and you can go on to practice your different men for different needs with single men, rather than going behind a naieve woman's back and sleeping with her husband. I know your not trying to break them up, but you are making a mockery of their marriage and allowing him to lie, cheat and hurt his wife. I cannot see how, regardless of their sleeping arrangements, this is ok and you feel this is morally acceptable. At the end of the day marriage is sacred to some people, and it shouldnt be treated as something you can take or leave whenever you want. Even if he is a liar and a cheat, it doesnt mean you should lower yourself to his standard and be part of this.
Dont have a threesome with him, he is just bored and wants something to spice up his sex life with you. And please, do the right thing and leave him - I'm sure he will already have other women in his life as well as you, you are just wasting your time with him and hurting an innocent woman in the process.
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female
reader, Tuatara  +, writes (4 July 2011):
 My take on your 'problem', like other aunts is he is bored with his sex life with you, presumably also his wife.You have been available for 7 years to entertain his sexual desires, and I would put money on the fact that you are probably not the only other women in his marriage, he sounds as if he has no problem screwing around.One of the aunts commented on your children and your comments re their stability, your quite old so I presume they will definately be teenagers. Excuse to justify your behaviour I feel.It is clear and obvious that he has NO respect for you and has addictions to risky sex. What are you doing woman, what are you wanting out of this silly relationship. 7 Years playing stupid selfish games. Sounds to me like he is over it and wanting to see how far you are prepared to be made a fool of!!!I just don't get people like you and HIM. Get health checked this boys into SEX. Not you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2011): Perhaps his wife and you in a 3sum ?? I wonder hat she will say to this!!!The 3sum isn't an issue: for me the fact that u have no qualms sleeping with a married man is. You have no respect for yourself therefore this man is pushing boundaries. He knows you are devoid of integrity therefore he has brought up this 3sum idea. Just my thoughts on this much deeper issue....LoveGirl
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2011): This seems pathetic. What the hell is going on? This dude is married. He clearly isn't satisfied with her because you are in the picture. Now he's a bit bored and unsatisfied with you and wants a threesome. I'd say this get a man who isn't married and enjoy him instead. Whether the guy is happily married is not the question. But is he married? This behavior looks questionable. He asked you about the threesome to see how far he can push you to go.
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reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (2 July 2011):
 You've made it clear you are not into women. You've said no. He either thinks you are a closet bisexual or this little scenario is for HIM, all about HIS psyche. Pretty basic.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2011): My wife and I have a rocky relationship. We currently have our own bedrooms. We are going to counseling and working on things. Neither of us is ready to call the relationship quits. Because I have integrity, I would not take up with another woman to matter what the state of the marriage. This man did and now he wants to involve another, too, against your objections? He sounds very selfish. I would not participate. He is clearly trying to make a fantasy come true for himself and only himself.
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female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (2 July 2011):
 he is trying to tell you that he is doing this FOR YOU, even after you have told him that you are not interested in sex with a woman, and that you just want him not a 3some?? he still says he wants it to happen! he wants it for HIM honey, NOT YOU.
he probably thinks if he asks for it enough you will agree. getting back to the fact that he is married - does his wife realise they are living 'separate lives'? i seriously think you need to start questioning his levels of honesty. you have invested 7 years already, with someone who forgive me but i think he seems to be a bit of sex obsessed liar who says he is emotionally connected, but really probably isn't. how old are your kids? (if you are 51-59 they are not so young that they cannot handle you having a real relationship surely?)
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi allThank you for your responses...I appreciate your imput xxx Perhaps I need to ellaborate that while I am dating a married man (NO CHILDREN ! That would definitely have been a deal breaker !!), they lead seperate lives and do not share the same bedroom...and yes, I have seen this personally...and NO ! We did not get in on in their marital home. (I do happen to have some morals and values !) It is a symbiotic relationship...i DO respect his marriage and my intention is NOT to break this union up. She obviously makes him happy in some respect, otherwise he would not be married. In my opinion, no 1 person can fulfill ALL the needs of the other...there are varying types of relationships and to live a wholesome life, we are all in pursuit of trying to fulfill as many of those needs as possible....but to expect one individual to accomplish all of this, is being a little naive and is expecting a bit of a miracle.... that is My opinion, not necessarily yours, and I respect that. Now, with regards to my question...and perhaps a man would be more equiped to answer this..(no disrespect to the fairer sex...mmmmwah x), when a man says he is completely and utterly satisfied sexually...when he says he does not wish to have sex with anyone else...when he says it does not matter what she (the other woman) looks like...he wants her there to please ME ?! despite the fact that I have expressed that woman don't do it for me...I would even find it totally uncomfortable to invite a strange man to join us ! What is the trade off for him...what is going on in HIS head (both...hahaha) and is it just the way men are wired up ?? Thank you all xxxxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2011): The reason he wants a threesome is because it combines three of the things he likes; sex, women and variety. When he says he wants to see you enjoy yourself, he's being sincere, but that is not THE reason he wants it. The potential benefits to you are important to him, but the benefits to him are the whole point of the exercise.Naturally he doesn't want another man present. He doesn't want the discomfort of being in competition but he evidently has no problems subjecting you to it. And say you do agree and the experience is fantasic. Don't you think he'll want to do it again? And eventually he WILL want to engage the woman. People don't fantasize about sitting on the sidelines while others have all the fun. When people tell their partners they want a threesome but they don't want 'anyone else but you', they aren't being honest. The whole point of inviting a third person to your bed is to have SOMEONE ELSE.There is no need for further discussion. You told him you didn't want to participate. You don't need to justify or validate your decision. You don't need to come up with reasons. And analyzing his reasons won't add a day to your life. Talking is negotiating and it gives him more opportunities to change your mind. You've made your choice so stop talking to him about it.
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reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (2 July 2011):
 You do not want to jeopardize you children's needs/emotional security by getting into a "normal" relationship until they are fully grown and independent? What does this even mean? You want to happily be someone's mistress because that's best for your children??!Anyway, its a little strange that you're jealous of another women, because clearly he still has sex with his wife. How do you deal with that? And far as the fantasy is concerned, its really simple. He wants a threesome because he knows you wont have a problem with it. You're a sex object for him, someone he turns to to fulfill the desires which the wife wont. He knows you will be fine with this nonsense, while the wife will probably throw him out if he even dares to tell her. That's why he's telling you this.You are ok with this man sleeping around with other women,as you mentioned (" I told him he was free to go and persue a threesome if he wished, but that he should just keep it to himself and wear protection") and he is also fine with introducing other people into the bedroom. He knows you have no respect for him and neither does he for you. Its a comfortable arrangement which makes for good sex, and that's what he wants and is getting. Now he's bored with you (no surprises here given the fact that he's a cheater!) and he wants something new.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2011): He is wanting you to do things that turn him on because he is getting bored and i don't expect his wife will oblige! If it was all about YOUR pleasure, he wouldn't mind a man doing it. But it is to feed his fantasy of watching two women. And i wouldn't take too much notice if he is saying he wouldn't get involved. I expect he already runs the fantasy around his head with him providing the 'finale' and blaming it on the 'heat of the moment'. As someone has already mentioned it does sound as if this star is burning out. I applaud your wish to protect your children but it is sad that it comes at such a price. This man owes you nothing and does not love you. You are just a person he has sex with and as such, he probably feels it is OK to coerce you into agreeing to a third party entering the arrangement. If you really aren't OK with it, you will have to tell him so and keep repeating yourself until he gets the message.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2011): Hey wake up and smell the coffee! This man is asking for a threesome because he can, you've basically said i can accept nonsense and now he's asking for more nonsense. Really now no self-respecting woman would accept being a mistress. Being a wife is so much better! You are basically his trashyard and he's just dumping more of his rubbish on you. He probably KNOWS that the wife doesn't take sh*t, and guess who does - YOU! Yes YOU! Really now get some self-respect and leave the asshole.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2011): Just say NO! I wouldn't do it at all if I was you.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (1 July 2011):
He's obsessed with it because he's having a major fantasy about it and isn't too concerned with your feelings. I guess he's pushing on you to do it because he feels he can convince you to do things you don't like?
Maybe it's a midlife crisis, maybe he's found another woman and has fantasized about her, maybe he's bored in bed? You'd have to ask him why he is so obsessed with this, you know, we're just guessing.
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reader, sammy1986 +, writes (1 July 2011):
men are obssessed with threesomes purely for one reason they see double of everything if you are not comfortable with this tell him don,t let him push you into something you don,t want to do
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (1 July 2011):
Sorry this seems a bit strange to me - you say you are jealous about seeing him stare at another naked woman - how do you feel about him having sex with his wife then?! Surely that must make you massively jealous.
If you simply want an answer to your question - then it sounds like he is a typical man, he wants to see you having sex with a woman, many men like lesbian porn and if he said he doesnt want sex with the other woman but wants to see you screaming in pleasure then this must mean he wants to watch you have sex with her basically.
He might be getting a bit bored with your sex life, after all he has been having this affair for 7 years now, and if his wife has not found out then he knows he can get away with it so the danger element is no longer there. So perhaps he wants to spice things up a bit in the bedroom.
However all of this is nonsense - at the end of the day he is cheating on his wife with you and you are happily allowing this to happen. Have you ever stopped to think about how much you are hurting his wife? Does he have kids with his wife? What about them? How would they feel knowing daddy has a woman on the side?
Regardless of why he wants a threesome, what you are doing is very wrong, end of story. If you had any morals and any sense you would end this, threesome or no threesome.
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