A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi, i am single and had an affair with a married man. I managed to hack his mail ID and found he has chatted and flirted with many young girls. saying 'i love you' and all. he's definitely playing with innocent lives. I know his daughter's mail ID. should i tell her about him. He pretends to be a very decent responsible person, but his true life is the other way round. please, advise me. If i tell this to his daughter, what would happen? she's in her early 20s and studying in another country. will that affect her studies if I do so? However, I want to stop him doing this. please please please. guide me.
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affair, flirt, married man Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2011): Listen up!!! You need to leave his daughter out of it because this is between you and him. You're motivated be revenge and not by wanting to "do the right thing", trying to save all those other innocent young girls from getting hurt.If you want him back, stop having sex with him or start cheating on him or something....oh, and with his best friend.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2011): go see a therapist to deal with your feelings and desire for revenge. DO NOT ACT OUT YOUR REVENGE. What you propose to do is terrible and it will NOT help you either.You've already made one big mistake, Don't make another big one. Revenge is not the answer and will not help you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2011): You have been had but just think about how much his wife invested into him.
sorry but you destroyed your own life ...and lucky for you nobody elses up to press.
You cant really stop him doing this, but you need to stop YOU doing this again.
He will show his true colours eventually and get caught out all in the fullness of time.
You should let go forever and not interfere anymore, learn from this and move on.
spunky monkey
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot  +, writes (13 August 2011):
 Your age range is 30-35, so I am surprised you would stoop this low. Act your age instead of behaving like an immature, spiteful teenager! You CHOOSE to go after a married man, and now you're experiencing the downside of it. Accept your consequences like an adult,inventory it as a lesson learned and move on with your life. What would you possibly gain by being a nasty, vengeful bitch to a completely innocent third party? If you go after his daughter (who has absolutely nothing to do with your situation), it will make you look like an unstable scumbag. I cannot believe that a woman your age would even consider doing something so low and disgusting. You should be ashamed of yourself.
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A
male
reader, Beingblack  +, writes (13 August 2011):
 I believe that anyone who is foolish enough to embark upon an affair with one who is married deserves everything that comes their way.
I wonder what you hoped would happen. Did you think he would leave his wife for you? Do you think you are younger and better looking than her? Did he tell you that you're better in bed? Did you hope to sail off romantically together into the world of perpetual happiness?
You might have loved him, but ultimately, as is often the case, he chose to stay with the security of his family - that means you were no more than a secret sex encounter to him, despite what he told you or what you thought.
So unfortunately for you, now is the time to back off and leave him and his family alone.
Do you feel foolish your hopes and dreams? I bet you do. So now, you want to hurt him, and make him hate you, because you feel silly.
If I were you, I would devote my energy to MY life, instead of dwelling on what might have been with someone who was never yours.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 August 2011):
 I'm sorry but the only person that is destroying your life is you. IF you did not know he was married before you embarked on your affair then he lied and manipulated you but what you do NOW is your choice.
YOU HACKED his account (that's against the law btw) and you found out that you were in love with a man who has no morals or scruples... of course hacking another person's personal information is morally wrong and ethically abhorrent so it's POT.KETTLE.BLACK in this case.
DO NOT engage his CHILD.
DO NOT engage his wife
DO NOT engage his other partners
YOU want to punish him not stop him. It's not your concern what he does or who he does it with as long as YOU WALK AWAY NOW.
LIVING well is the best revenge... YOU have total control over YOUR actions. USE your control wisely.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2011): thank you very much for your answers. but i have a strong feeling that i should take revenge for what he did to me.i am burning inside. you cannot understand how much i loved him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2011): I agree with everyone. I know that some woman like you did do that to my mother about her father and still many years later I can see the scars, and I can tell you one thing for sure, whilst we still love her Dad, we have an extremely low opinion of the woman who told her. You are just being vindictive and spiteful. You are just as much to blame in future stay away from married men, they are not available! What right do you have to hurt his daughter. I am sorry, but after growing up seeing how hurt my mother has been by a woman like you who told her about her Dad's infidelity because of her own selfish desire to hurt him and his family, I have no repect for anyone who do such a cruel thing. You hurt yourself by getting involved with someone who is taken, and ok so you thought you were special and that he wouldn't do it to you. Well lesson learnt, move on and don't hurt an innocent daughter because you got involved with her father. Find someone available and maybe you will find happiness.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2011): Its odd you want to tell his daughter and not his wife, just shows how angry you areI know 2 women who have told the wives and caused devastation - just to get back at married men who have strung them along.Its cruel to even consider telling his daughter who is miles away with her own life.More fool you for getting involved with this ahem 'decent respectable man'The only way he can stop is when the women like you say get lost - and walk away - he's really not your problem, you were just a bit of fun.
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A
female
reader, NennaHB  +, writes (13 August 2011):
 Serving his daughter with a bitter disappointment will not bring him back to you. Most men (99%) will not leave their spouse for another woman. No matter how much they complain about their wife, they still come back to her. Every time.Even if he would be with you(which I doubt), are you sure you want to have a relationship with a man and ask yourself all the time that you are not with him:"What could he be doing right now?"My bet is that he will hate you intensely after you reach to his daughter, thinking that he had the right reason to let you go if you are such a stalker. More to it, he could even take legal action against you for breaking into his email acc.My strongest argument and advice(as well as line I have followed all my life) is: KEEP YOUR DIGNITY, no matter what; i can promise you will feel miserable and worthless after you talk to his daughter.You will NOT find the emotional release in that, it comes from soul searching. Take your time and think what you really want from a man, I am sure you are not a desperate woman in the position of accepting anything from a man. There are a lot of men out there who are better worth your attention than this failed husband and father. He ddin't destroy your life, he ruined just your dreams. Dreams can be re-thought and you will slowly move on,I know it.
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A
female
reader, Sadness03 +, writes (13 August 2011):
Hello
I know you are angry and hurt. But its better off to just let go and have no contact with this man. Th truth about who he really is would surface sooner or later. His daughter might get affected in a negative way by this if you tell her and you would feel terrible and responsible. Forget about this scum bag and find your own happiness.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2011): Why would you tell HIS daughter? Of course her studies would be ruined if she knew the kind of woman her dad is involved with. She doesnt ahve to pay for your mistakes, grow up and leave HER ALONE.
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (13 August 2011):
 Honestly, if he's married and willing to have an affair, can't you tell what kind of guy he is from the beginning? You shouldn't have thought that you were the only 'other woman' since he went through with the affair. And you shouldn't have snooped through his stuff and get mad when you've allowed yourself to be treated as just another girl in his other life. You can't trust him and that was obvious in the beginning. So either learn to deal with this or find someone better. I would find someone better. I think this should stay between you and him. His daughter is minding her own business and she doesn't need to know and get stressed over the fact that he's disrespecting her mother.
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (13 August 2011):
 I think you should cut contact and stay out of his life. What grounds do you have to interfere with this man's life? I understand you want to do the right thing but the fact is that you are just another woman that he has caught in his trap. The chances of people siding with you is very unlikely.
Your best bet is to get yourself out of there before he finds a way to turn you into the bad person which wouldn't be too difficult considering you are messing with his emails.
Good luck to you.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (13 August 2011):
 Grow up and walk away from having ANYTHING to do with this man.
You had an affair with a married man. That should have been your FIRST CLUE this was not an honest or decent person.
If he could cheat WITH YOU on someone else..he can certainly cheat ON YOU TOO. There is no loyalty.
Leave his daughter alone. No sense ruining her life too.
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