A
female
age
36-40,
*ndlesssong
writes:I don't know what to do about my boyfriend's bad calling habbits anymore! We're in a long distance relationship and a few weeks ago he moved out of his roomates place and back home with his parents. His cell phone has been dead for the past month and he's not home very much because of work or he's avoiding his house because he has massive amounts of siblings and dosn't exacly like his parents. Because of this since his move in back home his calling me has dicreased. The thing is, this realy bugs me! Sometimes he'll go a day or two without calling and lately I call his house around a certain time when he's nearly the only one there and if he's not there he'll call back within a few hours. This is almost the only way I can expect to hear from him anymore, is if I call him first! I've expressed multiple times that I wish he'd call more and he seems to understand then. He's also well aware I've been having a lot of issues with many things lately so sometimes I'll cry for no reason. And every once and a while that reason ends up being him. Also, twice now this week after short talks in the afternoon he's said he'll call me later that night and hasn't! His not calling the other night bothered me when he said he was the next night, I started crying afraid he wouldn't again! Then he does it again tonight! I wake up at nearly 1am and realize he hadn't called and start crying. What do I do? How do I get it through his head the importance of calling me? And its not that I think he's out with other women or anything, I know he loves me as much as I love him, it just gets so frustrating sometimes!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2007): Because he's a MALE and very easily distracted!Trust me: My husband and I have been together for 7 years, we have 2 children. He's in the Military and often away on duty for months at a time. He always says "I'll call you" or worse, give me a particular time he'll call. And then not. It's all the more frustrating because he may say he'll call at a time our kids are awake to talk to them and then forget because he's in a different time zone. I've asked LOTS of times why this is the case... and he can only apologise. We both know he'll do it again! I trust him 200% and I know where he is there is nothing for me to worry about... so I believe him when he sheepishly admits he fell asleep and then when he woke up it was too late to call, or he was drinking with the guys and lost track of time, had to go on piquet or that the public phones on the base are out of order (that happens ALOT) or quite simply, he was short on cash and decided to leave an extra day between calls so we could have a nice long chat over a couple of shorter ones. Keep in mind, your BF may be under certain restrictions from his parents with phone calls and the cost of calling long distance to you. He may be too embarrassed to admit that. Perhaps look into whether from his life changes he may be suffering mild depression and withdrawing? You'll be ok... Just keep your cool, don't jump to conclusions. It's just one of those frustrating things!
A
female
reader, Lia  +, writes (31 March 2007):
 Hi there
There is nothing worse than waiting for the phone to ring only to discover that he hasn't called. The thing is, you've tried to tell him how you feel so then why can't he take the time to make the effort? This is a big issue, in my eyes, because if he can't keep his word with the little things (like calling when he said he would) then how on earth will he be reliable when it comes to the bigger issues the two of you might face?
I think not hearing from a guy for two or more days is not on! But that's just me. And, since you're having a long-distance relationship and can't see each other as much, all the more reason for him to call you!
You also said he's very aware that you've been having a hard time with issues lately, but he still doesn't call to see how you are? No, that is a huge red flag in my book! I can't tell you what to do, but if it was me I'd stop calling him altogether and wait it out to see when he really decides to pick up the phone. If you don't hear from him for days, then I think it's best to leave. It may sound harsh, but giving your girl friend a call every day or at least once every two days shouldn't be such a big task for him to do if he really cares about you.
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A
female
reader, Yuna~  +, writes (30 March 2007):
 Sorry to hear all that. I know exactly how you feel. I'm just like you, always want to hear from my bf. Only I'm lucky my bf will call when he said he will.
I'm in a long distant relationship too. He also just moved back with his parents in a little town where doesn't have phone reception. Calling his home every night will not be such a good idea. We however, still talk every night. Not on the phone, but on the computer. He spends a lot of his times on the computer (surfing or playing online game)and therefore we meet on msn every single night and talk for hours. We talk about casual things and it works really well for both of us. Maybe you can try that too (if all possible). However as a warning, you might still be the me waiting for his reply or waiting for him to go online and get all upset (I am sometimes). To completely find a solution for your problem, maybe you should talk to you bf about how you feel when he doesn't call. Guys tends to not understand what woman value importance. They think we are always needy. But if you bf loves you, he will understand. Sounds like to me you guys love and care about each other. I hope you guys don't have to be apart for much longer.
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A
female
reader, endlesssong +, writes (30 March 2007):
endlesssong is verified as being by the original poster of the question Anon #1- Thank you, I don't understand that way of thinking at all! I'll not call him the next few days and see what happens. I'll be somewhere anyways where he's already worrying about me getting hit on a lot by other guys XD
Anon #2- I already said his cell phone is dead, so calling me is a lot harder. As is texting, obviously. He went back home because he had no choice. His roomate was controlling and was always after his money.
Shandy- I'm not necicarily crying because of him. I cry a lot anymore. Sometimes I can just be standing there and I feel like crying for absolutely no reason.
In general, I'm not looking to get OUT of this relationship. I'm not going to give up just because he's hard to get ahold of. Other than that one small thing, we have a VERY good relationship. I'm looking for advice on how to get it through his puny man brain that he needs to call me, not being told he's not worth my time! We're not in a long distance relationship to start off with because of nothing, you know (we do it because it IS worth it)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2007): You need to cool this relationship down a bit, with the possiblity that it could end. Don'tt hang onto something that is makin you feel this way. We shouldn't cry our eyes out when we are in love with someone. We should be full of the joys of spring. He is certainly in the wrong for not getting in touch when he knows how you feel.
Take a backward step. Don't ask him to phone you ever again. If he says he will, then say, "if you want", or "only if you get time". Then make sure you are out! Go out with your mates, don't be sitting around the house whittling!! Get out there girl, life is too short and he doesn't seem to give a sh*t! Don't be walked all over.
If he really wants you and wants to be with you he will buck his ideas up, sorry, but if not, then tell him to buggar off!! You do deserve better and should hold out for it. You are not his door mat!
Take care and keep in touch if you want.
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2007): in afraid from reading your letter you can assume that this guy just isnt going to give you what you want.youve told him numerous times.whats so hard about picking up the phone and making a call just to say hello?no no no hes definetly a wrongun.you say you love each other yet he cant even give you the basic communication of a call?has he heard of mobiles,texts etc etc?you say he hasnt been home much.he dislikes his parents?why the hell did he go back there?hasnt he got a work no?the questions are endless and you will drive yourself mad.dump him and get on with your life.perhaps youll see how much he cares then?i doubt it.dont waste your time on someone who cant give you the basic good manners to call when he says he will.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2007): He is a man! They are normally not very good at phoning so it sounds as if your man is pretty normal.
One thing is for sure though, the more you express a desire for him to call, the less he will actually call as he knows that you really want to hear from him.
Play a bit hard to get, don't call him all the time, enjoy other aspects of your life and do other things even if it means missing calls from him, because when he realises that you are the one who is difficult to get hold of, he will want to call you more.
Remember, we always want what we can't have!
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