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female
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*xbebexx
writes: I'm 22 and I have a baby. I've been the the father for about a year and a half, but only knew him for a couple months before I got pregnant. He's still obsessed with his ex (who sends him naked pics of herself). She does everything she can to ruin our relationship but does not want him back. She just wants to have him wrapped around her finger. He picks her over me all the time and it hurts cause I love him so much. I've caught him in so many lies and I've had it. I'm just scared to leave him because he is the father of my child. Do I risk my happiness so my daughter has a better life? Or should I leave him? And how do I go about telling him to go?
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female
reader, ladybaby +, writes (6 February 2006):
From what you've said, there doesn't seem to be any happiness there to risk. He lies to you, you're constantly watching over your shoulder for this other woman, you're scared of being on your own... Where exactlly is this "happiness" you're scared of losing?
The only certainty in this is, if you stay with this man, who is making you feel so bad, you are going to end up risking your child's future relationships. Do you want your baby grow up and see Mummy being used as a doormat, and think it must be acceptable? Get out of this relationship - it will be bloody hard to start off with, and I'm sure there will be some nights where you cry yourself to sleep, but eventually you'll become stronger. You'll find Mr Right one day, but sounds like Mr Right Now still has some unresolved issues with his ex, leave them to their silly little games - they split up for a reason and quite soon that will become clear once again.
A
female
reader, Virginiaac +, writes (5 February 2006):
Don't be scared to leave because he's the father of your child. He is hardly reliable is he? Just because he has a biological input into the birth of your child doesn't mean he can ruin the rest of your life. Leave him and get happiness for yourself and the child.
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A
female
reader, fairyangel  +, writes (5 February 2006):
 The longer you accept this treatment from him, the more you will get trampled on!
Think about it... You will not be giving up your happiness for the sake of a better future for your child...
What happiness are you now enjoying?
This man & his ex are making you miserable!
Would you not be a happier person without this crap in your life?
He will always remain the father of your child... you cannot get away from that, but you CAN make a decision to start shaping a better & happier future for you both.
Take Care Of Yourself & The Little One & have the happiness you deserve.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2006): Oh my, how painful for you. You should not put up with having his ex wife smack in the middle of your relationship. It's pretty clear that his ex-wife can't let go or she likes playing games with other people's lives. This is a woman who has no scrup;es or moral boundries. You bf is showing himself to be the same. No man would do this to a woman he is supposed to love and cherish. For you to have tolerated this so long, it's apparent there seems to have been no tough limits or boundaries, in this relationship. Although it hurts, your fears of leaving him have put you in a position where you feel you are have to accept his bad behaviours. Having a child to raise makes you all the more vulnerable. Your "no boundaries" existence will continue as long as you retain your inability to leave this relationship. Since you can't really control his ex-wife, your best bet is to be completely honest and clear with your bf, about the deeply painful effect of all this has on you. By doing this, you put the ball in his court. This is where his character and committment for will be put to the test. He may discover that his future with you is unstable. You have insist that all contact with her must stop. Make no apologies and see that he knows you will not stand for this. If he's not willing to do that..then it's time for you to get pro-active and accept you may have to leave this relationship and embark on a happier life raising your child, solely on your own. Because staying in this situation will just wear on you..to the point where you will be more and more tortured by what he's doing to you. This is no environment to raise a child in. Again..I am sorry and I hope you make a decision based on the happiness and welfare of your child and you. Good luck and take care, hun.
Hugs Irish
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