A
female
age
41-50,
*ambi1980
writes:My life is in tatters at the moment. I split up with my ex in july, mutual decision but since then it's been hard to move on as he is in daily contact with me. I have told him to cut contact but he can't goa day without texting me.The other wk I snogged a guy he knows on a night out and this got back to him as someone seen us and txt my ex. He went mad over this. Since then me and that guy have been texting and after a night out with my friends this weekend I met this guy. We ended up goon back to mine. When it was bedtime he would have been happy tip sleep on the couch but I pulled my face and he came up to get inbed with me. I didn't want sex or anything and told him this we just cuddled and went to sleep. In the morn we kissed and touched a bit then I took him home. On dropping him off my ex was driving down the same road and saw me! I couldn't lie as there was no other excuse for me being there. I told him that the guy had stopped over. He was overcome with rage. Later in the day he rang the guy. He didn't have a go but instead said it wasn't fair.I thought the guy liked me but he's not looking for a girlfriend he said for us to take it slow. For some reason I'm more bothered now that this other guy isn't that interested. I have said to him I don't want to be the girl he just goes home with after a night out with his friends but that I'm also not wanting anything serious. This guy isn't even boyfriend material. He's 33 never had a proper girlfriend and by his own admissions is very independent. I guess I feel like I've given myself away too easily. Even though we didn't have sex I thought that he liked me more than he's making out. Oh it's a mess. I'm getting myself so down over it. My ex is not asking me questions about what we did in bed. Just don't know what to do.
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male
reader, DeadEyeDick  +, writes (7 January 2010):
 Maybe the ex doesnt think he's stalking, maybe he's so destroyed inside, and in disbelief and disillusioned, that someone he is so in love with could do this to him, he's doing the only thing his mind will let him do, even if he knows it's irrational, to him it's an irrational situation, I suspect the break up was not at all mutual as you claim, I suspect there is much much more to this whole story then youve posted! I could be wrong, but I doubt I am!
A
male
reader, called Steve +, writes (16 November 2009):
 I sounds to me like your ex has not moved on at all... he still thinks he has some say at what you do and what happens in your life.
You need to make it clear that you are both mature adults and that he needs to start acting like one and move on. Change your mobile number and if he calls at home you must make it clear that his contact is no longer wanted or required.
If he takes no notice of that then I'm afraid you may have to involve the law and apply for an order on him to keep his distance. Nasty I know but it sounds like this guy has the necessary credentials.
Good Luck - Steve
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A
female
reader, bambi1980 +, writes (16 November 2009):
bambi1980 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks guys! Yes I have been replying to his texts out of some kind of misguided guilt. My ex throws the old he feels like killing himself line and I shouldn't let it get to me but it does.
I can understand why this guy is being guarded, I would give someone like me a wide berth, I've got 'rebound' written all over my face.
I'm embarrassed though now though coz I feel like i've no self respect. I'm
beating myself up. I don't want people to think I'm easy or desperate.
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A
female
reader, Another_Kapiti  +, writes (16 November 2009):
 God...I'm sorry but your ex sounds like stalker material! What right has he got to feel rage if you see another bloke?Do you reply to his texts? It might be worth changing your phone number, just to stop him driving you crazy!It sounds like your ex has scared off this new guy with his scary possessive phone call, and I'm not surprised! A new relationship hardly needs something like that! You don't need it either! In case the situation escalates it might be worth bringing in someone to witness the constant texts and/or stalker behaviour, in case down the track you need to get the police involved.I'd advise you to just ignore your ex's behaviour, but that might not be the best thing either, who knows how far his temper will push him? I'm not saying that to frighten you, just a reality check!
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (16 November 2009):
 I suggest you go COMPLETE NO CONTACT WITH YOUR EX!
Exes are exes for a reason.
I also suggest the reason the other guy is now not interested is because he realizes you come with too much drama. To guys and girls that is poison and the fact that you are still in contact with the ex at all leaves the perception that you are leaving the door open to him at some point in the future. Why would he want to go through such drama for someone he really doesnt know? No one would want to deal with that baggage.
And by perception to your ex you are keeping in contact with him to throw this in his face.
Remember that perception is reality and by remaining in any type of contact with the ex you are making it harder on yourself and needlessly showing your ex that the option is still open, whether you realize it or not.
That being said I suggest you grow up and stay away from all guys for awhile. Because as much as you don't want to be known as that girl he goes home with after a night out.... you are showing the world that YOU ARE THAT GIRL!
Grow up!
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