A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So, long story short, I'm returning to my gf after a few months of LDR. I recognize where she is essential to my life and where I need to control myself, in terms of my sexual appetites, my work habits, and to some extent, my freedom, as that is the exchange one makes in a relationship. What I would like to establish in the relationship upon my return is more power with my partner, she takes the lead on everything, to her own peril. I'm not especially about getting my way, so I'm content with letting her learn her lessons, for the most part. What has worked in the past for this sort of thing is to pound something into stone, "i want to go work out during the evenings, so I'm not going to be here with you". She fights it, but eventually has to accept it as my will. I guess what we're talking about is a framework for flexibility. and how to build that between one very structured person and one very chaotic person? That is my question Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (16 November 2009):
You have to find out why she is so chaotic. If you want to work out and she's fighting that, ask her if she's okay and gently try to find out why. When someone takes the lead so much and tries to be a bit controlling, it usually means that they're insecure and they have to take the lead because they think it will go wrong. Has she been hurt before? These would all be things to ask her gently when she next tries to stop you going out or something. You do need time to yourself, so explain that you love her a lot but you do need to be able to do some things of your own. I think she's just very insecure. You need to find out why, then you can reassure her.
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